My First TMI Thursday...Prepare Yourselves ;)

I've never done a TMI Thursday before. IDK why. Maybe because I just found out about it? And, I embarrass easily. Even if you don't know me. But I'm gonna give it a shot! To hell with embarrassment!



                YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!! 

I can't mix my meats. Even though if I'm at a buffet, and I'm eating chicken, and I seem some finger-lickin' good ribs, I can't eat it. Why? You might be asking. I get sick. 

I get this DISGUSTING burp, a TERRIBLE stomach ache, and I just want to cry. 

This started when I was 14. My FIRST DAY WORKING! I felt HORRIBLE. But I couldn't go home. I rode the cheese bus to go to work, and to go home. I was stuck there. It happened quite a few times after that day as well, but I never knew the cause of it. I used to be a heavy sun flower seed eater, and I always thought it was that. I don't remember when I realized it was the meats causing it. But I did. And I AVOID mixing my meats like if it was The Black Plague. 

In NY, Canito was making dinner one day, and he made some pork, a tuna salad, and I can't remember what else. I ate it. ALL OF IT. Man, did I regret it the next day!

I woke up with a really bad stomach ache. I went to the bathroom, and thats when the burps started. These burps, IDK what it is about them, but they make me so naucious, and they stink. They smell like something DIED inside of my intestines. Therefore, causing me to have a bad case of diarrhea, and not-so-bad puking.

I tried to make myself puke by using my toothbrush, but to no avail. While I was pregnant, and the ONLY 2 times I had morning sickness, my toothbrush worked. Not in this case.


 I prayed to God to just make me throw up, because thats the ONLY WAY I'll feel better. I go back to bed, and try to forget about the pain, and the burps, and I fall asleep. Then, I wake up abruptly. 


BLLLLAAAAAAAAA. BLLLLAAAAAAAAAA. 


The worst smelling puke EVER. At least I think so.


Did I feel better? Hell no. Still had those God-forsaken burps. I close the bag, and get a new one, because I was bound to puke again. I went back to sleep.


I woke up, yet again, with the same about-to-puke feeling. Then, BLLAAAAAAA. BLLLAAAAAAAAA. I got it out of my system, thankfully.

Canito was up, so he went to get me ginger-ale. I still had that after-puke (kinda sounds like after-shave, huh?) taste, and burp, but not the DEATH BURP. 


While Canito was getting me my ginger-ale, my tummy started a-rumblin'. I tried to fart, but instead, I ended up doo-dooing my panties. But, oh no! My daughter was awake. I couldn't just leave her there. What if she started crying? I thought-and I had to think fast, because I was about to diarrhea on myself...again- "Where in the world can I put her? Her bath chair? Her bath-tub? Fuck it, I need to go!!!"


I grabbed her, and a pair of panties, and I ran to the bathroom. I did NOT know where in the world I could set her down so I could pull my doo-doo-ey pants down. Then, I saw the hamper. Now, before you get all Judgey McJudgey Pants on me, might I add that I NEEDED TO DIARRHEA!!! The hamper was the ONLY place in the bathroom where I could put her. I was NOT going to put her on that floor. Where we were staying at, the house was ALWAYS filthy (thanks to The Super's wife). So, hell no. I think the hamper was cleaner than the floor.


I set her down on the hamper, pulled down my crappy pants (literally), grabbed her, and let it gooooooooooooo.


I had to hide my panties, because I DID NOT want Canito to see the awful image. Thankfully, Canito comes home, and since he didn't see me, nor the baby, he went to the bathroom to see what was going on. I told him, "I diarrhea-d myself." And he laughs at me, and says, "Poor Jay had to smell that." I tell him, "I know! But she was up, and what if she had started crying? Now go! I need to keep diarrhea-ing." 
And it just kept on a-comin'. After I was done, I felt a hell-of-a-lot better. I drank the ginger-ale, and layed down. All I wanted to do was sleep. Jay usually fell asleep after Canito would leave to work, so thankfully, I was able to get some shut-eye.
But then, I farted, and I KNEW that if I pushed too hard, I'd be shitted (literally). I ran to the bathroom again, (Jay was asleep) and let it goooooooooo.......again.


I went back to sleep, and felt a lot better. I kept drinking ginger-ale, I didn't eat that much, and whatever I did, came out as fast as it went in. 


So yes, people. I CANNOT mix my meats. I AVOID any other type of meat, if I have already consumed one. I have to wait AT LEAST an hour, before eating something different. And even then, just to be safe, I wait like 5. 
I can eat chicken, and some fake crab. Or shrimp. It's not a meat, its fish (well in the case of the fake crab- fake fish). But mixing my meats comes out with a BAAAAAAD outcome. Just ask my shitted panties. ;) 


Now, that was enough TMI for today, dontchathink? I hope you weren't eating while reading this. If so, that was SO ON YOU! Not my fault. You were warned. ;)


P.S. Happy Earth Day. I would have TRIED to save the planet today, by shitting..oops, I mean shUtting (sorry) everything off for an hour, but it was just TOO DAMN HOT. I needed my fans. It was so humid, and sticky. Sticky, like if you were having a competition to see who could get the most caramel, or honey all over their bodies the fastest. THAT sticky, and hot, and humid. So yeah, I just couldn't. I can't live without my fans. A/C is too expensive, so we have the fans on LITERALLY 24/7, except if we go out. I know, its horrible. But YOU try living in PR. We're close to the Equator!

Next Post: I was actually able to tell my dad that Jay is size 4 in diapers! In our 2 min and 59 sec. conversation! Literally! Wanna know his response? Tune in, and you'll find out! ;)