http://lovemuffiin.wordpress.com/2010/05/11/hello-bloggies/
Friday, May 14, 2010
I MOOOVED!!!
Friday, May 7, 2010
"I feel pretty, oh so pretty"
Well, not necessarily pretty. I haven't felt pretty since before I got pregnant. Well, besides if I actually PUT EFFORT into my appearance, and even then, sometimes I feel fat. Its true what they say. About if you have a girl, they take all your beauty from you. My daughter is gorgeous though. =) Anywho, since "I feel better, oh so better" isn't a song, I couldn't quote it. ;)
But, I do feel better. A LOT better. Yesterday, my Dad and I got into a semi-argument. It was about the jobs, of course. And I told him that we were looking, but NO ONE is calling us back. At night, he called me again, and asked about the email he sent me. Not too long ago, he sent me an email with the number to where Rosa works at, because they're hiring. With my forgetful brain, and I, I totally forgot to give the number to David. BRB poopy diaper. =/.................................................................................................................
.....................................................................................................................
Ok I'm back. My nose hardly ever fails me =). So yeah, we got into a mini-argument about that. Well, he was mad, and I just stood shut. If I open my mouth, I would have told him off, and I didn't want to do that. So, we hung up, I got the number, and when I went to the 2nd bedroom to give it to David, my Dad calls. David's phone. They talk, and David tells him whats been bothering me. Because my dad asked. He told David, "Do you know whats wrong with her? She doesn't talk to me, and shes not listening to me." And David told him what I've been feeling. My depression, his criticism, and how now everything is changing.
When my Dad called me this morning, at 9:30 am on the dot, (I was already awake btw. I know! What a miracle!!) he says, "Stephanie, I'm sorry. I don't want you to be mad at me." And I say its ok, its just everything has changed. And we talked for a little bit. For longer than 5 minutes!!! We talked for like 20 minutes. And it wasn't about jobs! I felt a lot better after the talk, because we actually TALKED and I didn't hang up and start bawling my eyes out!!!
He called me again at 6:20 pm, when he was getting out of work. And we talked for a good hour! He actually said that he's sorry.
me: for what?
him: because i wish i could do more. i wish i was getting more money.
me: papi, your doing enough as it is! theres A LOT of fathers out there that WOULD NOT be doing what your doing. your helping out enough as it is. instead of criticizing yourself, you should be proud of yourself. A LOT of parents wouldn't help their kid the way your helping us. just look at mom.
him: aww. thanks stephanie. i'm happy you feel that way.
me: well yea, your helping us so much, and we really appreciate it. this is why i've been depressed lately. because i don't have a job, and i can't get things, and it REALLY bothers me that i can't get jaslin a lot of things i would like to get her.
him: what about the necessities? remember i told you that if you needed anything, let me know.
me: well, david and i need deodorant, jaslin needs shampoo and soap, and we need a broom, cuz the one that was here when we moved in is all messed up, and we need a new mop, because david broke it today.
him: ok, just use the Visa.
me: thank you papi.
And we talked about college, and jobs, and how soon I'll be getting my diploma. But, like I replied to the comment from my last post, since I came here from NY, and all of my papers were left over there, INCLUDING my vaccination records. Without that, I can't get a diploma. SO, I have to get ALL OF MY SHOTS ALL OVER AGAIN. But, its ok. Its a pretty small sacrifice for getting my diploma. I get excited just thinking about it! I'm finally going to have my diploma, and I can feel proud of myself for accomplishing something so important. And he also said that I have great potential. A lot of people say that after meeting me. And I want to go to school, and get a job. I'm anxious just thinking about it! Getting my diploma would be my 2nd biggest accomplishment. The 1st, is OBVIOUSLY giving birth to a 7lb 10 oz baby VAGINALLY. That is the greatest accomplishment EVER. And VERY BIG KUDOS to the mothers out there who give birth to even BIGGER babies. Do you know what that does to your vagina?
And to the mothers who have had a C-section, kudos to you too. And the women who can't have babies, I am truly very sorry. I am thankful for having my daughter, because there are so many women in the world who have so much love to give, and would be the BEST MOTHERS IN THE WORLD, and can't have children. I am very, very sorry.
On a happier note, tomorrow is my birthday. The more I think of it, the more excited I actually get. But I am a little sad to leave my TEENS behind. But hey, everyone has to grow up, right? Its also my anniversary. Wow. TWO WHOLE YEARS! I can't believe it.
You see, for some people that might seem like a short time. My grandfather has been with my step-grandmother for TWENTY-SEVEN YEARS. But 2 years is a start, right? I wish I was going to get a ring on my finger like some women would have had a while ago, but I don't think we're ready yet. We need to get past the trust/communication issues first. And David's not in his "prime" to get married yet, either. How do I even know if he's "The One"? How does anyone ever know?
Well anyways, I am feeling much better. Not as good as I hope to feel soon, but getting there little by little. As soon as one of us gets a job, and I lose 20 lbs, I'll feel GREAT. I just need to stop being so lazy to lose the weight =/.
Questions: How do you lose/maintain your weight? Can I loose some bra sizes? A 36D isn't cutting it for me anymore. I HATE having such big boobage. And, how do you know if the guy your with is "The One"? Does it feel a certain way? Do you just KNOW? Or do you take that chance that he could Mr. TOTALLY FUCKING ASSHOLE-ISH WRONG?
Happy Mother's Day to the mothers who read my blog, or to those who are expecting, and to those who can't have babies, your time will come when God is ready for you to be a mother. My aunt had 2 miscarriages before she finally had my little cousin. She thought being a mother just wasn't for her, and she is a GREAT mother.
But, I do feel better. A LOT better. Yesterday, my Dad and I got into a semi-argument. It was about the jobs, of course. And I told him that we were looking, but NO ONE is calling us back. At night, he called me again, and asked about the email he sent me. Not too long ago, he sent me an email with the number to where Rosa works at, because they're hiring. With my forgetful brain, and I, I totally forgot to give the number to David. BRB poopy diaper. =/.................................................................................................................
.....................................................................................................................
Ok I'm back. My nose hardly ever fails me =). So yeah, we got into a mini-argument about that. Well, he was mad, and I just stood shut. If I open my mouth, I would have told him off, and I didn't want to do that. So, we hung up, I got the number, and when I went to the 2nd bedroom to give it to David, my Dad calls. David's phone. They talk, and David tells him whats been bothering me. Because my dad asked. He told David, "Do you know whats wrong with her? She doesn't talk to me, and shes not listening to me." And David told him what I've been feeling. My depression, his criticism, and how now everything is changing.
When my Dad called me this morning, at 9:30 am on the dot, (I was already awake btw. I know! What a miracle!!) he says, "Stephanie, I'm sorry. I don't want you to be mad at me." And I say its ok, its just everything has changed. And we talked for a little bit. For longer than 5 minutes!!! We talked for like 20 minutes. And it wasn't about jobs! I felt a lot better after the talk, because we actually TALKED and I didn't hang up and start bawling my eyes out!!!
He called me again at 6:20 pm, when he was getting out of work. And we talked for a good hour! He actually said that he's sorry.
me: for what?
him: because i wish i could do more. i wish i was getting more money.
me: papi, your doing enough as it is! theres A LOT of fathers out there that WOULD NOT be doing what your doing. your helping out enough as it is. instead of criticizing yourself, you should be proud of yourself. A LOT of parents wouldn't help their kid the way your helping us. just look at mom.
him: aww. thanks stephanie. i'm happy you feel that way.
me: well yea, your helping us so much, and we really appreciate it. this is why i've been depressed lately. because i don't have a job, and i can't get things, and it REALLY bothers me that i can't get jaslin a lot of things i would like to get her.
him: what about the necessities? remember i told you that if you needed anything, let me know.
me: well, david and i need deodorant, jaslin needs shampoo and soap, and we need a broom, cuz the one that was here when we moved in is all messed up, and we need a new mop, because david broke it today.
him: ok, just use the Visa.
me: thank you papi.
And we talked about college, and jobs, and how soon I'll be getting my diploma. But, like I replied to the comment from my last post, since I came here from NY, and all of my papers were left over there, INCLUDING my vaccination records. Without that, I can't get a diploma. SO, I have to get ALL OF MY SHOTS ALL OVER AGAIN. But, its ok. Its a pretty small sacrifice for getting my diploma. I get excited just thinking about it! I'm finally going to have my diploma, and I can feel proud of myself for accomplishing something so important. And he also said that I have great potential. A lot of people say that after meeting me. And I want to go to school, and get a job. I'm anxious just thinking about it! Getting my diploma would be my 2nd biggest accomplishment. The 1st, is OBVIOUSLY giving birth to a 7lb 10 oz baby VAGINALLY. That is the greatest accomplishment EVER. And VERY BIG KUDOS to the mothers out there who give birth to even BIGGER babies. Do you know what that does to your vagina?
And to the mothers who have had a C-section, kudos to you too. And the women who can't have babies, I am truly very sorry. I am thankful for having my daughter, because there are so many women in the world who have so much love to give, and would be the BEST MOTHERS IN THE WORLD, and can't have children. I am very, very sorry.
On a happier note, tomorrow is my birthday. The more I think of it, the more excited I actually get. But I am a little sad to leave my TEENS behind. But hey, everyone has to grow up, right? Its also my anniversary. Wow. TWO WHOLE YEARS! I can't believe it.
You see, for some people that might seem like a short time. My grandfather has been with my step-grandmother for TWENTY-SEVEN YEARS. But 2 years is a start, right? I wish I was going to get a ring on my finger like some women would have had a while ago, but I don't think we're ready yet. We need to get past the trust/communication issues first. And David's not in his "prime" to get married yet, either. How do I even know if he's "The One"? How does anyone ever know?
Well anyways, I am feeling much better. Not as good as I hope to feel soon, but getting there little by little. As soon as one of us gets a job, and I lose 20 lbs, I'll feel GREAT. I just need to stop being so lazy to lose the weight =/.
Questions: How do you lose/maintain your weight? Can I loose some bra sizes? A 36D isn't cutting it for me anymore. I HATE having such big boobage. And, how do you know if the guy your with is "The One"? Does it feel a certain way? Do you just KNOW? Or do you take that chance that he could Mr. TOTALLY FUCKING ASSHOLE-ISH WRONG?
Happy Mother's Day to the mothers who read my blog, or to those who are expecting, and to those who can't have babies, your time will come when God is ready for you to be a mother. My aunt had 2 miscarriages before she finally had my little cousin. She thought being a mother just wasn't for her, and she is a GREAT mother.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
I REGRET coming to Puerto Rico
Ever since I moved here, all I've had is BAD LUCK. I HATE being here.
My dad keeps pestering and bitching about finding a job. Hello? I don't have my high school diploma, and NO ONE around here is hiring. I had to look for jobs AN HOUR away from where I live. Oh, and here's a new lie: He has to pay $600 a month MORE in taxes. He said that for everyone in PR who earns more than $50,000 a year, has to pay that much more a month in taxes. BULLSHIT! I even looked it up on GOOGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so sick of his bullshit. I really am. Oh, and on Monday, while I was telling him about the drama that happened with David, he said, "We're, no not we, because I can't help you with this. But you have to get a job. I can't help you. If anything happens to you, I can't help you. And where is David gonna go? We're going to have to move you to the metro area. And what about Jaslin? Who will take care of her?" Then, when I was explaining my answerS to him, he said, "Stephanie, I can't talk about this right now. I need to go." Because he was with Rosa, and her mom. Notice that he didn't offer for me to stay with him, like he used to. He used to JUMP (not literally, but ya know what I mean!), and automatically say I could stay with him. He didn't even SLIGHTLY mention it.
He hasn't been a big part of my life, lately. Please don't get me wrong. I'm VERY happy that he's happy, and he's finally found "The One", I just don't like how he's been treating US. He has been showing more love and attention to his fiance, and step-daughter, than he has his own daughter, and granddaughter.
Whenever he calls me, I end up so pissed off, all I want to do is cry. EVERY TIME!!! Now, when he calls me, ALL he talks about is him not being able to help us, if one of us has found a job, if I UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE of finding a job, and him not being able to help us, and how he has no money. Oh, yeah, and Rosa. Geez Dad, I wonder why you have no money?!?!?!
He hasn't criticized Jaslin's weight anymore, but all he talks about is MONEY, MONEY, MONEY. Today, while we were talking, he asked where was David.
me: working.
him: oh, good! when is he going to pick up the applications? (he has applications for a security guard job.)
me: idk. whenever he has time.
him: did he work yesterday?
me: no.
him: i see. so he could have come to pick them up yesterday, but he didn't?
me: .........................
him: stephanie, next month, i won't be able to pay your rent. maybe HALF of it, but not all of it. you guys need to move on the job front.
me: ok.
him: do you understand what i'm telling you?
me: yes
him: are you sure?
me: yes.
him: your sure?
me: yes.
him: ok. i'm not going to keep pushing you guys on this. the applications are on top of the table. i won't keep pushing you guys. but you need to understand that i can't help you anymore.
me: ok.
After the "I love you's", we hung up. I HATE it when he asks if I understand something. Sometimes, I can be a little slow, but I'm NOT A FUCKING 5 YEAR OLD!!!
I UNDERSTAND PERFECTLY.
I UNDERSTAND THAT WE NEED TO GET A FUCKING JOB.
I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU CAN'T HELP US ANYMORE.
I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO HELP US WITH THE RENT NEXT MONTH.
I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU DON'T HAVE MONEY.
I UNDERSTAND. I UNDERSTAND. I UNDERSTAND. I FUCKING UNDERSTAND!
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I UNDERSTAND?!?!?!?!? AND THAT I'M NOT A FUCKING 5 YEAR OLD LITTLE GIRL WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND? DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, DAD, DO YOU? CUZ I SURE AS FUCKING HELL DO!
Ahem. Sorry about that, I got a little carried away. I couldn't help myself. I'm just tired of him complaining. Ever since he's been engaged, he never has money, nor time, and is always sleepy. He's always saying how he misses us, but NEVER, and I repeat, NEVER asks when is he going to us, or if he can come over HERE. NEVER!!
My hard-drive is messed up. While I'm typing this, my computer can just crash. Just like that. It can shut off, and never turn back on. We found this out the weekend I stood at his house, because he installed Linux into my computer. TWO. WEEKS.
Has he called in to ask for a replacement? Nope. His excuse, "No. I haven't had any time to do it." HAVEN'T HAD ANY TIME?!?!?! WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOUR WITH ROSA? WHAT ABOUT ON SATURDAY? YOUR LUNCH-BREAK?????? WHAT ABOUT THEN? OH WAIT, I'M SORRY. I FORGOT. YOU ARE ALWAYS BUSY. WITH YOUR FIANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry, again.
Monday night, after David got off of work, my Dad called him so that he could go to his house, to take some flowers to my Grandmother, because my Dad doesn't have any time to take them to her, and they're going to die in his house. You know where he was? Rosa's house. How come that in the time he goes to see Rosa, he can't take the damn flowers to my Grandmother? And why the fuck didn't he just get them on Saturday and take them to her?!???!?! Because I'm pretty sure he already has plans with Rosa. He's not coming to see me ON MY BIRTHDAY. Nooooooooo. He'd lose time with his fiance. What is he doing for Mother's Day? Gonna be with Rosa, that's what he's going to do. Even though he should go see his MOTHER and wish her a Happy Mother's Day PERSONALLY, and thank her for giving him life.
I am SOOOO thankful that David's boss isn't being an asshole, and is actually CALLING him to work. Even though he got into an argument with him on Monday, he's still calling him to work. (they argued because his boss is a cheap asshole, and he'll over work his employees, but under pay them. for 10 hours, he wanted tp pay david $45.) With that money, I wanted to go to the movies on my birthday, and out to dinner on Mother's Day. I decided not to. Even though I want to go out so bad, I'm not going to. I already told David that with that money, we're going to save it, and pay the fucking rent. All David has to do is work 8 days to pay the rent. Well, maybe like 9-10 cuz of his child support. Its $30 weekly.
I regret coming here so badly.
In NY, David had a GOOD PAYING STABLE job. We could have saved up, and moved to another state, or something. Its not easy getting a damn job here. With the economy, and where we live. We have to get a job AT LEAST a half hour away, maybe even an hour..
I hate being here. Ever since my Dad started with his shit, I am SO depressed. I'm always so sad, and mad. (i'm sorry. i know i'm being repetitive.)
Another thing. The SAME EXACT THING that my mom did to me, my Dad is doing to me little by little. He's slowly, but surely abandoning me. He doesn't call me as often. And when he does, all he does is complain, criticize, and bitch about money. He never asks to see us anymore. IDK if it's Rosa telling him stuff about us, or his decision. I really don't know. But lately, he has CHANGED. At first, he changed for the better. But now, he changed for the WORST. Little by little he has pushed me, and my daughter COMPLETELY to the side.
Every time he calls me, I cringe. Literally. I wonder, "What the fuck is he going to say now? Why is he calling me, now? What the fuck does he want, now?"
I don't even want him calling me, anymore. I even told David, crying, might I add, "I HOPE THAT AS SOON AS HE GETS MARRIED, HE STOPS FUCKING CALLING ME! I'M TIRED OF THIS SHIT! I DON'T WANT HIM CALLING ME ANYMORE!" I used to LOVE talking to my Dad. He WAS my best friend.
Now, he's a lousy friend, and Dad. (sorry, but its true) I appreciate EVERYTHING he has done for us, and helped us out so much, but damn. He NEVER complained until he got engaged, and started WAISTING his money on SHIT. I can't wait till one of us gets a job. David has been looking, I've been looking, and to NO avail. NO ONE is hiring around here. I've even looked more than an hour away from where I live because I'm so fucking DESPERATE!
I hope I get a damn job soon. Then, he can take his money, and shove it up his ass. I'm sorry if I sound cruel, I'm just sooo....down.
On another note, David and I are doing OK, I guess. He's the type of person who doesn't like talking about arguments, or problems, and I do like resolving the issues. I try to talk about it with him in subtle hints, but he doesn't want to. It's still bothering the shit out of me, and thinking about it makes me want to cry, but soon enough, I won't be able to hold it in anymore. We haven't said "I love you" in THREE days. We hadn't even kissed in 3 days, until today, when he got home.
I don't dare say it to him, because of what he said to me on Monday. In case I didn't post it here, he said, "I loved you so much. But now, the love I have for you is hardly there. I don't love you as much as I used to." IDK if he said it out of anger, or what it was. But I'm not gonna tell him I love him, if he isn't going to tell it to me first. And I told him today before he got home from work, "You know we haven't kissed or said I love you in 3 days, right?"
him: its been longer than that.
me: no. its been 3. i used to say it to you all the time, but ever since you said that on monday, i'm too scared to say it to you, because maybe you'll just say it back because i said it.
him: he changed the subject.
So, IDK what we're going to do. IDK how he feels. IDK if we're going to stay together, or separate. I do know that ever since then, I have a wall around my heart, because I'm tired of getting hurt by everyone I love most.
I'm gonna TRY to not pay attention to my Dad's comments. But sooner or later, I'm gonna blow up on him just like I did with my Mom. I respect. But once you start getting on my fucking nerves, I'll hold out a little longer, until I can't anymore, and then I'll blow up. And I'm gonna do the same with David. I won't be able to hold out much longer. Trust me.
Pray for me guys, please. Pray that I get a job. Soon. Please! I'm desperate!!!
My dad keeps pestering and bitching about finding a job. Hello? I don't have my high school diploma, and NO ONE around here is hiring. I had to look for jobs AN HOUR away from where I live. Oh, and here's a new lie: He has to pay $600 a month MORE in taxes. He said that for everyone in PR who earns more than $50,000 a year, has to pay that much more a month in taxes. BULLSHIT! I even looked it up on GOOGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so sick of his bullshit. I really am. Oh, and on Monday, while I was telling him about the drama that happened with David, he said, "We're, no not we, because I can't help you with this. But you have to get a job. I can't help you. If anything happens to you, I can't help you. And where is David gonna go? We're going to have to move you to the metro area. And what about Jaslin? Who will take care of her?" Then, when I was explaining my answerS to him, he said, "Stephanie, I can't talk about this right now. I need to go." Because he was with Rosa, and her mom. Notice that he didn't offer for me to stay with him, like he used to. He used to JUMP (not literally, but ya know what I mean!), and automatically say I could stay with him. He didn't even SLIGHTLY mention it.
He hasn't been a big part of my life, lately. Please don't get me wrong. I'm VERY happy that he's happy, and he's finally found "The One", I just don't like how he's been treating US. He has been showing more love and attention to his fiance, and step-daughter, than he has his own daughter, and granddaughter.
Whenever he calls me, I end up so pissed off, all I want to do is cry. EVERY TIME!!! Now, when he calls me, ALL he talks about is him not being able to help us, if one of us has found a job, if I UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE of finding a job, and him not being able to help us, and how he has no money. Oh, yeah, and Rosa. Geez Dad, I wonder why you have no money?!?!?!
He hasn't criticized Jaslin's weight anymore, but all he talks about is MONEY, MONEY, MONEY. Today, while we were talking, he asked where was David.
me: working.
him: oh, good! when is he going to pick up the applications? (he has applications for a security guard job.)
me: idk. whenever he has time.
him: did he work yesterday?
me: no.
him: i see. so he could have come to pick them up yesterday, but he didn't?
me: .........................
him: stephanie, next month, i won't be able to pay your rent. maybe HALF of it, but not all of it. you guys need to move on the job front.
me: ok.
him: do you understand what i'm telling you?
me: yes
him: are you sure?
me: yes.
him: your sure?
me: yes.
him: ok. i'm not going to keep pushing you guys on this. the applications are on top of the table. i won't keep pushing you guys. but you need to understand that i can't help you anymore.
me: ok.
After the "I love you's", we hung up. I HATE it when he asks if I understand something. Sometimes, I can be a little slow, but I'm NOT A FUCKING 5 YEAR OLD!!!
I UNDERSTAND PERFECTLY.
I UNDERSTAND THAT WE NEED TO GET A FUCKING JOB.
I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU CAN'T HELP US ANYMORE.
I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO HELP US WITH THE RENT NEXT MONTH.
I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU DON'T HAVE MONEY.
I UNDERSTAND. I UNDERSTAND. I UNDERSTAND. I FUCKING UNDERSTAND!
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I UNDERSTAND?!?!?!?!? AND THAT I'M NOT A FUCKING 5 YEAR OLD LITTLE GIRL WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND? DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, DAD, DO YOU? CUZ I SURE AS FUCKING HELL DO!
Ahem. Sorry about that, I got a little carried away. I couldn't help myself. I'm just tired of him complaining. Ever since he's been engaged, he never has money, nor time, and is always sleepy. He's always saying how he misses us, but NEVER, and I repeat, NEVER asks when is he going to us, or if he can come over HERE. NEVER!!
My hard-drive is messed up. While I'm typing this, my computer can just crash. Just like that. It can shut off, and never turn back on. We found this out the weekend I stood at his house, because he installed Linux into my computer. TWO. WEEKS.
Has he called in to ask for a replacement? Nope. His excuse, "No. I haven't had any time to do it." HAVEN'T HAD ANY TIME?!?!?! WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOUR WITH ROSA? WHAT ABOUT ON SATURDAY? YOUR LUNCH-BREAK?????? WHAT ABOUT THEN? OH WAIT, I'M SORRY. I FORGOT. YOU ARE ALWAYS BUSY. WITH YOUR FIANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry, again.
Monday night, after David got off of work, my Dad called him so that he could go to his house, to take some flowers to my Grandmother, because my Dad doesn't have any time to take them to her, and they're going to die in his house. You know where he was? Rosa's house. How come that in the time he goes to see Rosa, he can't take the damn flowers to my Grandmother? And why the fuck didn't he just get them on Saturday and take them to her?!???!?! Because I'm pretty sure he already has plans with Rosa. He's not coming to see me ON MY BIRTHDAY. Nooooooooo. He'd lose time with his fiance. What is he doing for Mother's Day? Gonna be with Rosa, that's what he's going to do. Even though he should go see his MOTHER and wish her a Happy Mother's Day PERSONALLY, and thank her for giving him life.
I am SOOOO thankful that David's boss isn't being an asshole, and is actually CALLING him to work. Even though he got into an argument with him on Monday, he's still calling him to work. (they argued because his boss is a cheap asshole, and he'll over work his employees, but under pay them. for 10 hours, he wanted tp pay david $45.) With that money, I wanted to go to the movies on my birthday, and out to dinner on Mother's Day. I decided not to. Even though I want to go out so bad, I'm not going to. I already told David that with that money, we're going to save it, and pay the fucking rent. All David has to do is work 8 days to pay the rent. Well, maybe like 9-10 cuz of his child support. Its $30 weekly.
I regret coming here so badly.
In NY, David had a GOOD PAYING STABLE job. We could have saved up, and moved to another state, or something. Its not easy getting a damn job here. With the economy, and where we live. We have to get a job AT LEAST a half hour away, maybe even an hour..
I hate being here. Ever since my Dad started with his shit, I am SO depressed. I'm always so sad, and mad. (i'm sorry. i know i'm being repetitive.)
Another thing. The SAME EXACT THING that my mom did to me, my Dad is doing to me little by little. He's slowly, but surely abandoning me. He doesn't call me as often. And when he does, all he does is complain, criticize, and bitch about money. He never asks to see us anymore. IDK if it's Rosa telling him stuff about us, or his decision. I really don't know. But lately, he has CHANGED. At first, he changed for the better. But now, he changed for the WORST. Little by little he has pushed me, and my daughter COMPLETELY to the side.
Every time he calls me, I cringe. Literally. I wonder, "What the fuck is he going to say now? Why is he calling me, now? What the fuck does he want, now?"
I don't even want him calling me, anymore. I even told David, crying, might I add, "I HOPE THAT AS SOON AS HE GETS MARRIED, HE STOPS FUCKING CALLING ME! I'M TIRED OF THIS SHIT! I DON'T WANT HIM CALLING ME ANYMORE!" I used to LOVE talking to my Dad. He WAS my best friend.
Now, he's a lousy friend, and Dad. (sorry, but its true) I appreciate EVERYTHING he has done for us, and helped us out so much, but damn. He NEVER complained until he got engaged, and started WAISTING his money on SHIT. I can't wait till one of us gets a job. David has been looking, I've been looking, and to NO avail. NO ONE is hiring around here. I've even looked more than an hour away from where I live because I'm so fucking DESPERATE!
I hope I get a damn job soon. Then, he can take his money, and shove it up his ass. I'm sorry if I sound cruel, I'm just sooo....down.
On another note, David and I are doing OK, I guess. He's the type of person who doesn't like talking about arguments, or problems, and I do like resolving the issues. I try to talk about it with him in subtle hints, but he doesn't want to. It's still bothering the shit out of me, and thinking about it makes me want to cry, but soon enough, I won't be able to hold it in anymore. We haven't said "I love you" in THREE days. We hadn't even kissed in 3 days, until today, when he got home.
I don't dare say it to him, because of what he said to me on Monday. In case I didn't post it here, he said, "I loved you so much. But now, the love I have for you is hardly there. I don't love you as much as I used to." IDK if he said it out of anger, or what it was. But I'm not gonna tell him I love him, if he isn't going to tell it to me first. And I told him today before he got home from work, "You know we haven't kissed or said I love you in 3 days, right?"
him: its been longer than that.
me: no. its been 3. i used to say it to you all the time, but ever since you said that on monday, i'm too scared to say it to you, because maybe you'll just say it back because i said it.
him: he changed the subject.
So, IDK what we're going to do. IDK how he feels. IDK if we're going to stay together, or separate. I do know that ever since then, I have a wall around my heart, because I'm tired of getting hurt by everyone I love most.
I'm gonna TRY to not pay attention to my Dad's comments. But sooner or later, I'm gonna blow up on him just like I did with my Mom. I respect. But once you start getting on my fucking nerves, I'll hold out a little longer, until I can't anymore, and then I'll blow up. And I'm gonna do the same with David. I won't be able to hold out much longer. Trust me.
Pray for me guys, please. Pray that I get a job. Soon. Please! I'm desperate!!!
Monday, May 3, 2010
Happy "Birthiversary" To Me!
I've always had bad luck around my birthday. 4 days after my 16th birthday, I broke my femur bone. The hardest bone of the body to break, I broke it.
My 18th birthday, my mom ruined it for me.
Now, 5 days before my 20th birthday, and my 2 year anniversary, David and I break up. I think I'm cursed.
It was bound to happen, you know. We just don't get along, anymore. We only ask e.o things, and have sex. I tell him what's going on with my dad, because I have no one else to talk to, besides you guys.
I found a girls number in his phone, that was never there before, but he says he doesn't know who it belongs to. This morning, he got a call, and left the room. I was still asleep. He took a shower, and said he was going to his friends house.
I call him when I wake up, and he says that his friend, Elias, got a phone call from one of his friends. You see, Elias has a girlfriend, but he's cheating on her. So, one of the girls he's cheating on his gf with, called David. Elias told the girl not to call him on his phone. So, he used David's. How would you feel about that?
David told me what happened, and then I said, "You sure it wasn't Maria?" Maria is the number in his phone. Then he starts cursing and yelling at me, and says he couldn't take it anymore, and that he doesn't want to be with me. I told him I didn't want to be with him, either. I decided this a while ago, IDK why I didn't have the balls to tell him. I think it was for Jaslin, but 2 people can't stay together if we don't get along, regardless if we have a kid together. He also said that he's happy that I came out with that, because he now sees "the real me", and he doesn't live on the cloud anymore. He also called me crazy.
He said he was holding out for Jaslin, which I already knew. He also said that I'm not in love with him, but obsessed with him. I am NOT obsessed. I'm soooo happy we're not together anymore. I was tired of the bullshit, the verbal abuse, him not appreciating me, and taking me for granted, him not being here.
I also found out why he every time I ask to go out with him, he says no. I called him out on that. Whenever I would ask him to do something with me, like go out if we had money, you know, go out on a date, with Jaslin, of course, he'd say no. But then, his friends would call him, and he'd practically RUN over there. He said, "Obviously! You think I want to go out with you?! You fuck with me too much!" So, he doesn't like going out with me.
I'll admit I argued with him a lot. But because of the reasons you just read. I never accused him of cheating on me, except when I saw that number. But I never trusted him.
He said it, and he's right. We don't trust each other, we lie to each other, and we don't communicate. He lies about stupid things, when if he would just tell me the truth, I wouldn't be mad about it. He thinks I'd be mad about it, so he lies to me. I lie to him about the computer. He doesn't know I have a blog, so when he comes around, I have to stop typing, and change the tab on my web browser. I also have a guy best friend who lives in NY. David is jealous as hell. He thinks every guy around wants to fuck me. Not true. I'm not that pretty. So, he'd accuse me of something I'm not even doing. Like cheating. He even said that I talk to guys on the computer on Facebook. Not true. I have guy friends, whom I went to school with. Other than my best friend, I don't talk to ANY ONE. And, he also said that he's caught me typing, because he looks in through the window, and when he comes in, the same window he saw on the computer, wouldn't be there, and he'd ask what I'm doing, and I'd say I was reading. The window is RIGHT over my head. So, it was most likely him seeing me type a new blog post, or talking to my best friend.
He doesn't believe me. So, whatever. It's over. And I'm relieved about it. Now, I'm just not sure if I should stay here, or stay with my Dad. I think I'm going to stay here, because I don't like being at my Dad's house, anymore.
So yes people, after 2 LOOOOONG MISERABLE YEARS, I'M FINALLY SINGLE!!!!!!
IDK if this is going to change. I'll let you know what happens.
My 18th birthday, my mom ruined it for me.
Now, 5 days before my 20th birthday, and my 2 year anniversary, David and I break up. I think I'm cursed.
It was bound to happen, you know. We just don't get along, anymore. We only ask e.o things, and have sex. I tell him what's going on with my dad, because I have no one else to talk to, besides you guys.
I found a girls number in his phone, that was never there before, but he says he doesn't know who it belongs to. This morning, he got a call, and left the room. I was still asleep. He took a shower, and said he was going to his friends house.
I call him when I wake up, and he says that his friend, Elias, got a phone call from one of his friends. You see, Elias has a girlfriend, but he's cheating on her. So, one of the girls he's cheating on his gf with, called David. Elias told the girl not to call him on his phone. So, he used David's. How would you feel about that?
David told me what happened, and then I said, "You sure it wasn't Maria?" Maria is the number in his phone. Then he starts cursing and yelling at me, and says he couldn't take it anymore, and that he doesn't want to be with me. I told him I didn't want to be with him, either. I decided this a while ago, IDK why I didn't have the balls to tell him. I think it was for Jaslin, but 2 people can't stay together if we don't get along, regardless if we have a kid together. He also said that he's happy that I came out with that, because he now sees "the real me", and he doesn't live on the cloud anymore. He also called me crazy.
He said he was holding out for Jaslin, which I already knew. He also said that I'm not in love with him, but obsessed with him. I am NOT obsessed. I'm soooo happy we're not together anymore. I was tired of the bullshit, the verbal abuse, him not appreciating me, and taking me for granted, him not being here.
I also found out why he every time I ask to go out with him, he says no. I called him out on that. Whenever I would ask him to do something with me, like go out if we had money, you know, go out on a date, with Jaslin, of course, he'd say no. But then, his friends would call him, and he'd practically RUN over there. He said, "Obviously! You think I want to go out with you?! You fuck with me too much!" So, he doesn't like going out with me.
I'll admit I argued with him a lot. But because of the reasons you just read. I never accused him of cheating on me, except when I saw that number. But I never trusted him.
He said it, and he's right. We don't trust each other, we lie to each other, and we don't communicate. He lies about stupid things, when if he would just tell me the truth, I wouldn't be mad about it. He thinks I'd be mad about it, so he lies to me. I lie to him about the computer. He doesn't know I have a blog, so when he comes around, I have to stop typing, and change the tab on my web browser. I also have a guy best friend who lives in NY. David is jealous as hell. He thinks every guy around wants to fuck me. Not true. I'm not that pretty. So, he'd accuse me of something I'm not even doing. Like cheating. He even said that I talk to guys on the computer on Facebook. Not true. I have guy friends, whom I went to school with. Other than my best friend, I don't talk to ANY ONE. And, he also said that he's caught me typing, because he looks in through the window, and when he comes in, the same window he saw on the computer, wouldn't be there, and he'd ask what I'm doing, and I'd say I was reading. The window is RIGHT over my head. So, it was most likely him seeing me type a new blog post, or talking to my best friend.
He doesn't believe me. So, whatever. It's over. And I'm relieved about it. Now, I'm just not sure if I should stay here, or stay with my Dad. I think I'm going to stay here, because I don't like being at my Dad's house, anymore.
So yes people, after 2 LOOOOONG MISERABLE YEARS, I'M FINALLY SINGLE!!!!!!
IDK if this is going to change. I'll let you know what happens.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Busy, busy, busy
The next two weeks will be busy. Well, not busy really. I'll be doing pretty much the same thing I do everyday. Taking care of Jay, cleaning, cooking, smoking cigarettes, and sitting on my fat ass (pun intended. i have a nice butt.). It's busy in the way that theres a quite a few special days coming up this week, then next week I WILL be busy.
Tuesday: May 4th
My dad's 39th birthday. I have NOT ONE CLUE what the hell in the world I should get him. NOT ONE! A box of condoms? I think it's too late for that, anyway. He still hasn't told me if Rosa has gotten her period. Which means that she hasn't gotten it. Which means SHE IS PREGNANT!!! HYPOCRITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, sorry. I didn't mean it towards you. I meant it towards him. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!
Anywho, since we don't talk that often, I never get a chance to ask him what he would like for his birthday. He clearly doesn't need Viagra. (du-dum-dum-psh. if thats how the drums sound after you make a joke.) I know he NEEDS some work clothes. And some non-work shirts, well and pants. But, he's so busy with -ahem- other things that he never has time to buy himself something nice. Nor the money. I wonder why. I had money today. But, if you follow me on twitter (does anyone know how to put links here? without the link. idk how to explain. when they say click here, or whatever?) you'll know that I went shopping today-well yesterday since it is now 12:01 am. I was going to get him some socks for work, but I decided against it. Why? Because I won't see him on his birthday anyways. He'll be working. And I'll be sitting where I am now. What would you get your dad if he was turning 39, engaged to a 23 year-old, who has an almost 4 month-old baby, and is possibly, most likely pregnant again??? ANY AND ALL SUGGESTIONS WILL BE A GREAT HELP, THANKS!
Sidenote: If you follow me on twitter, you'll also know that I use the real names, so from now on, I'm going to use real names. Wth, right?
Friday: May 7th
MIGHT be meeting up with my dad, and maybe his fiance, and David, and Jaslin (my hubby's and little girl's real names. Jaslin is pronounced exactly how its spelled. Like Jasmine but with an L, and without and E.) for a dinner. Why? You might be asking? Or maybe your not asking that. Maybe you don't even care. Well, I'm gonna tell you anyway! To celebrate our birthdays. I wonder how thats gonna go if it even happens.
Saturday: May 8th
MY (drum-roll please)....WAIT FOR IT...................WAIT FOR IT.............................NOT JUST YET.........................ALMOST THERE...............................20TH BIRTHDAY!
Yes, you read that right. TWENTY. And I feel old. I wish I could be 18 again, and stay that age. FOREVER! Well, with my daughter, of course. But without all my mama drama. But with my pre-baby bod ;). I had a nice body, yo. But I don't regret it.
Anywhooooo's, its not only my birthday, but its my 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!!!! This will be the longest relationship I have ever had! And the longest relationship that David has ever had. Cute, right? We're taking e.o's 2 yr. anniversary virginities ;). Its also cute that it falls on my birthday. I'll get to how that happened in a minute-you know, how my birthday and anniversary fall on the same day, duh.
Sunday: May 9th
MOTHER´S DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! My 2nd Mother's Day, ever. Last year, wasn't so good. David had just gotten his PS3, PLUS he was HUNGOVER!!! His friend invited him to a club to celebrate her birthday (she's like 30 something and has i think like 4 kids, and he went with a lot of GUYS, so i wasn't worried. well i was at first, i didn't want him to go, but i let him. i would have gone, too, but i don't trust ANYONE with my baby, except for my MIL, and David.), and it was the day after my 19th birthday, but he came home around 4am, therefore, it was already Mother's Day. Also, we didn't do anything, or go anywhere. His cousin (The Super) kept asking him to do stuff, or they would talk about BULLSHIT, and by the time they finished, it was too late to do anything. Also, on my last birthday, David had to work. Nice, huh?
Then, after all of that, Jaslin has to get a shot, we have a WIC appointment, and I have a dentist appointment for my braces. Yes, I have braces (and glasses). I've had them for almost 3 years. I haven't had a check-up since I moved to PR, because the health insurance here doesn't cover it, and its EXPENSIVE. In NY, my insurance paid for EVERYTHING. Sucks when I don't have a job. But I want to take the bitches off already. Unfortunately, I can't. I have a chain INSIDE of my gum hooked onto my right K-9 tooth. I was a late bloomer-well at least with my teeth. I had both of my K-9's PULLED when I was 16. My left K-9 was already coming out ON TOP of the baby tooth. My right one has yet to come down. I have had that God-forsaken chain for almost 3 years, as well. It's what you might call a "lazy tooth". And every month, I would have to get the chain PULLED. Doesn't hurt so much when it's being pulled. It's AFTER when it hurts my front teeth. But I'm so sick of having braces already.
I get food stuck all in-between. I can't bite into apples. Not like I like them. I only eat them with peanut butter (yummy), but it sucks. And at the moment, the wire is loose. It annoys me when it moves. It's a yucky feeling. My smile is also kinda lop-sided now, too. I used to have a pretty smile. I still do, but I think I look funny. And it happened after they put in that damn chain. It required me being put to sleep, and many stitches. It hurt like a bitch after the numbing medicine wore off. But they gave me pain killers. I only took them once. It only hurt like a bitch the first day. But I ate and drank funny for about a week.
Anywho, back to 2008. When David and I first met, I had a boyfriend. I thought Alvin (thats his real name) was The One. At 17. He broke up with me twice. ON MYSPACE. IDK why the fuck I wanted him back. But thanks to his "best-friend" who wanted to fuck me btw, and his "best-friend's" girl friend (yes, they were together at the time that his bff wanted to fuck me), I got over him. He cheated on me. REPETITIVELY. With like 4 different girls. (I got checked afterwards, and I was clean, thank God.) He was also a pathological liar. He would have "black-outs", and he also had a double personality. DP MY ASS! And the black-outs were fake. Nice best friend, huh? His best friend also tried to kiss me. While his gf was like 20 feet away!!!! They were both (Alvin's bff and his bff's gf. confusing?) trying to get me with their mutual friend! I told her this, too. She stopped talking to me, and now has a daughter with him.
Back to the story. David and I were friends while I was with Alvin. We NEVER did anything while I was with Alvin. Not even kiss on the cheek. Alvin was the FIRST guy I was faithful to since my first boyfriend. I wasn't even faithful to my first boyfriend. The boys liked me, and I liked the boys. I actually cheated on a previous boyfriend with Alvin. Then I got with Alvin, I was faithful, and the mother fucker cheated on me. So after Alvin and I broke up, I told David I didn't want a relationship right away. We could mess around, but it wasn't gonna go further than that for a while. That was in late February 2008. We didn't kiss until mid-March. On our first date. He leaned in to kiss me on the cheek, and I turned my head. (what? i thought he was trying to kiss me on the lips, so i helped. he was too shy.) We would get all touchy-feely, but we never had sex. Until the first week of April. 3 weeks after our first kiss. (I waited long enough, right?) Shit. He's home. Looks like I'll finish this post tmrw.
NVM! He left to go to the store. I need milk. I have heartburn.
Anyways, the first time we had sex, like I wrote before, he came in me. I was shocked. But we talked about it, and I wanted him to keep doing it. I told him that I was almost ready to be his girlfriend.
While I was with Alvin, he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I felt bad that I had to tell him no. But, I thought Alvin and I would last.
He already knew that April 25th, 2008, I'd be going to PR for a 10-day vacation. I was going to see my dad for the first time in 6 years! I went back to NY the day after my dad's birthday. (may 5th) Before I went, I still wasn't his girlfriend. But he was already telling me he loved me, and a few days before I went to PR, I told him I was in love with him. That same day, I told him what I wanted for my birthday. I wanted him to ask me to be his girlfriend. Thats it. I wanted him to come to my house early, spend the day with me, and ask me to be his girlfriend.
Sidenote: On the Saturday before I went to PR, is the day I got pregnant (I think. It could have been any day after my eggs started comin' down). The next day, I got my period, so I thought I wasn't pregnant. But in May, I missed my period. I actually found out right when my period was supposed to come down, because I had all the symptoms.
I went to PR, and when I went back to NY, he was there to pick me up from the airport.
May 8th, 2008:
It was just past 12:01 am. I get a phone call. From Alvin. I didn't want to talk to that mother fucker. He didn't know that I knew about his cheating ways. He didn't find out till after I was pregnant. He was the first one to tell me "Happy Birthday". Even though I was sitting on David's lap. We hung up quick, because he "wanted me to keep on doing what I was doing with David" aka The Sex. We weren't having sex.
A few minutes later, he got up to leave (he was jealous, only i didn't know, and he didn't show it.). It was in between 12:06 am and 12:15 am. I can't remember the time exactly. I THINK it was 12:07 am. I was sitting on a wooden chair. David got on one knee, and I thought he was tying his shoe or something, and asked me to be his girlfriend. I obviously said yes.
He became my boyfriend that night. Soon after, I found out I was pregnant. We don't waste time, right?!
And that's the story of my birthday and anniversary being on the same day.
Can't wait till next yr. If you look at a 2011 calendar, May 8th falls on a Sunday. My birthday, our anniversary, AND Mother's Day fall on THE EXACT SAME DAY! Talk about a home run!
I wonder what we're going to do for my birthiversary. New word! hehe.
Next Post: I have no clue. Whatever comes up in my life, I guess. Or....if you have any suggestions my fellow readers, or have any questions, or would like some advice, I'd be MORE than happy to respond to your requests. I'd be honored. =)
Tuesday: May 4th
My dad's 39th birthday. I have NOT ONE CLUE what the hell in the world I should get him. NOT ONE! A box of condoms? I think it's too late for that, anyway. He still hasn't told me if Rosa has gotten her period. Which means that she hasn't gotten it. Which means SHE IS PREGNANT!!! HYPOCRITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, sorry. I didn't mean it towards you. I meant it towards him. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!
Anywho, since we don't talk that often, I never get a chance to ask him what he would like for his birthday. He clearly doesn't need Viagra. (du-dum-dum-psh. if thats how the drums sound after you make a joke.) I know he NEEDS some work clothes. And some non-work shirts, well and pants. But, he's so busy with -ahem- other things that he never has time to buy himself something nice. Nor the money. I wonder why. I had money today. But, if you follow me on twitter (does anyone know how to put links here? without the link. idk how to explain. when they say click here, or whatever?) you'll know that I went shopping today-well yesterday since it is now 12:01 am. I was going to get him some socks for work, but I decided against it. Why? Because I won't see him on his birthday anyways. He'll be working. And I'll be sitting where I am now. What would you get your dad if he was turning 39, engaged to a 23 year-old, who has an almost 4 month-old baby, and is possibly, most likely pregnant again??? ANY AND ALL SUGGESTIONS WILL BE A GREAT HELP, THANKS!
Sidenote: If you follow me on twitter, you'll also know that I use the real names, so from now on, I'm going to use real names. Wth, right?
Friday: May 7th
MIGHT be meeting up with my dad, and maybe his fiance, and David, and Jaslin (my hubby's and little girl's real names. Jaslin is pronounced exactly how its spelled. Like Jasmine but with an L, and without and E.) for a dinner. Why? You might be asking? Or maybe your not asking that. Maybe you don't even care. Well, I'm gonna tell you anyway! To celebrate our birthdays. I wonder how thats gonna go if it even happens.
Saturday: May 8th
MY (drum-roll please)....WAIT FOR IT...................WAIT FOR IT.............................NOT JUST YET.........................ALMOST THERE...............................20TH BIRTHDAY!
Yes, you read that right. TWENTY. And I feel old. I wish I could be 18 again, and stay that age. FOREVER! Well, with my daughter, of course. But without all my mama drama. But with my pre-baby bod ;). I had a nice body, yo. But I don't regret it.
Anywhooooo's, its not only my birthday, but its my 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!!!! This will be the longest relationship I have ever had! And the longest relationship that David has ever had. Cute, right? We're taking e.o's 2 yr. anniversary virginities ;). Its also cute that it falls on my birthday. I'll get to how that happened in a minute-you know, how my birthday and anniversary fall on the same day, duh.
Sunday: May 9th
MOTHER´S DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! My 2nd Mother's Day, ever. Last year, wasn't so good. David had just gotten his PS3, PLUS he was HUNGOVER!!! His friend invited him to a club to celebrate her birthday (she's like 30 something and has i think like 4 kids, and he went with a lot of GUYS, so i wasn't worried. well i was at first, i didn't want him to go, but i let him. i would have gone, too, but i don't trust ANYONE with my baby, except for my MIL, and David.), and it was the day after my 19th birthday, but he came home around 4am, therefore, it was already Mother's Day. Also, we didn't do anything, or go anywhere. His cousin (The Super) kept asking him to do stuff, or they would talk about BULLSHIT, and by the time they finished, it was too late to do anything. Also, on my last birthday, David had to work. Nice, huh?
Then, after all of that, Jaslin has to get a shot, we have a WIC appointment, and I have a dentist appointment for my braces. Yes, I have braces (and glasses). I've had them for almost 3 years. I haven't had a check-up since I moved to PR, because the health insurance here doesn't cover it, and its EXPENSIVE. In NY, my insurance paid for EVERYTHING. Sucks when I don't have a job. But I want to take the bitches off already. Unfortunately, I can't. I have a chain INSIDE of my gum hooked onto my right K-9 tooth. I was a late bloomer-well at least with my teeth. I had both of my K-9's PULLED when I was 16. My left K-9 was already coming out ON TOP of the baby tooth. My right one has yet to come down. I have had that God-forsaken chain for almost 3 years, as well. It's what you might call a "lazy tooth". And every month, I would have to get the chain PULLED. Doesn't hurt so much when it's being pulled. It's AFTER when it hurts my front teeth. But I'm so sick of having braces already.
I get food stuck all in-between. I can't bite into apples. Not like I like them. I only eat them with peanut butter (yummy), but it sucks. And at the moment, the wire is loose. It annoys me when it moves. It's a yucky feeling. My smile is also kinda lop-sided now, too. I used to have a pretty smile. I still do, but I think I look funny. And it happened after they put in that damn chain. It required me being put to sleep, and many stitches. It hurt like a bitch after the numbing medicine wore off. But they gave me pain killers. I only took them once. It only hurt like a bitch the first day. But I ate and drank funny for about a week.
Anywho, back to 2008. When David and I first met, I had a boyfriend. I thought Alvin (thats his real name) was The One. At 17. He broke up with me twice. ON MYSPACE. IDK why the fuck I wanted him back. But thanks to his "best-friend" who wanted to fuck me btw, and his "best-friend's" girl friend (yes, they were together at the time that his bff wanted to fuck me), I got over him. He cheated on me. REPETITIVELY. With like 4 different girls. (I got checked afterwards, and I was clean, thank God.) He was also a pathological liar. He would have "black-outs", and he also had a double personality. DP MY ASS! And the black-outs were fake. Nice best friend, huh? His best friend also tried to kiss me. While his gf was like 20 feet away!!!! They were both (Alvin's bff and his bff's gf. confusing?) trying to get me with their mutual friend! I told her this, too. She stopped talking to me, and now has a daughter with him.
Back to the story. David and I were friends while I was with Alvin. We NEVER did anything while I was with Alvin. Not even kiss on the cheek. Alvin was the FIRST guy I was faithful to since my first boyfriend. I wasn't even faithful to my first boyfriend. The boys liked me, and I liked the boys. I actually cheated on a previous boyfriend with Alvin. Then I got with Alvin, I was faithful, and the mother fucker cheated on me. So after Alvin and I broke up, I told David I didn't want a relationship right away. We could mess around, but it wasn't gonna go further than that for a while. That was in late February 2008. We didn't kiss until mid-March. On our first date. He leaned in to kiss me on the cheek, and I turned my head. (what? i thought he was trying to kiss me on the lips, so i helped. he was too shy.) We would get all touchy-feely, but we never had sex. Until the first week of April. 3 weeks after our first kiss. (I waited long enough, right?) Shit. He's home. Looks like I'll finish this post tmrw.
NVM! He left to go to the store. I need milk. I have heartburn.
Anyways, the first time we had sex, like I wrote before, he came in me. I was shocked. But we talked about it, and I wanted him to keep doing it. I told him that I was almost ready to be his girlfriend.
While I was with Alvin, he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I felt bad that I had to tell him no. But, I thought Alvin and I would last.
He already knew that April 25th, 2008, I'd be going to PR for a 10-day vacation. I was going to see my dad for the first time in 6 years! I went back to NY the day after my dad's birthday. (may 5th) Before I went, I still wasn't his girlfriend. But he was already telling me he loved me, and a few days before I went to PR, I told him I was in love with him. That same day, I told him what I wanted for my birthday. I wanted him to ask me to be his girlfriend. Thats it. I wanted him to come to my house early, spend the day with me, and ask me to be his girlfriend.
Sidenote: On the Saturday before I went to PR, is the day I got pregnant (I think. It could have been any day after my eggs started comin' down). The next day, I got my period, so I thought I wasn't pregnant. But in May, I missed my period. I actually found out right when my period was supposed to come down, because I had all the symptoms.
I went to PR, and when I went back to NY, he was there to pick me up from the airport.
May 8th, 2008:
It was just past 12:01 am. I get a phone call. From Alvin. I didn't want to talk to that mother fucker. He didn't know that I knew about his cheating ways. He didn't find out till after I was pregnant. He was the first one to tell me "Happy Birthday". Even though I was sitting on David's lap. We hung up quick, because he "wanted me to keep on doing what I was doing with David" aka The Sex. We weren't having sex.
A few minutes later, he got up to leave (he was jealous, only i didn't know, and he didn't show it.). It was in between 12:06 am and 12:15 am. I can't remember the time exactly. I THINK it was 12:07 am. I was sitting on a wooden chair. David got on one knee, and I thought he was tying his shoe or something, and asked me to be his girlfriend. I obviously said yes.
He became my boyfriend that night. Soon after, I found out I was pregnant. We don't waste time, right?!
And that's the story of my birthday and anniversary being on the same day.
Can't wait till next yr. If you look at a 2011 calendar, May 8th falls on a Sunday. My birthday, our anniversary, AND Mother's Day fall on THE EXACT SAME DAY! Talk about a home run!
I wonder what we're going to do for my birthiversary. New word! hehe.
Next Post: I have no clue. Whatever comes up in my life, I guess. Or....if you have any suggestions my fellow readers, or have any questions, or would like some advice, I'd be MORE than happy to respond to your requests. I'd be honored. =)
Thursday, April 29, 2010
TMI Thursday: How can such a cute lil thing EAT HER OWN POOP?!
I am a very forgetful person. You can tell me something one minute, then ask me about it the next minute, and most likely, my brain has completely wiped it out. Yeah, my forgetfulness really bit me in the ass one day.
Jay was just learning how to walk. She took her first steps exactly 2 weeks before she turned one. Without a walker. She was walking like a pro by the time her first birthday came around.
Anywhooo, one day, Jay was in her play-pen, just minding her own business. I smell something rather nasty. That´s the only way Iĺl know if sheś pooped. I smell it. She won´t cry, or complain. Only if she doesn´t see me. So I get up from my couch, where I´m always sitting, to check on her diaper. What do you know? My nose didn´t fail me. It was fresh out the oven. ;)
I get a diaper, and some wipies, and attack that bad-boy. When I finished cleaning her, I put a fresh diaper on, and keep it moving. I go to the back room to smoke a cigarette with Canito, and I notice that Jay is very quiet. That´s unusual for babies. Trust me. If your baby is suddenly quiet, unless theyŕe sleeping, you better go check on them. And thatś exactly what I did. I check on her.
What do I discover? My beautiful, precious little thing COVERED IN HER OWN SHIT. I, stupidly, and forgetfully, left the shitty diaper in her play-pen! But all I could do was laugh. Well first I gasped. It went something like this: *GASP!* OH MY GOD, JAY WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? (CRACKING UP). I just couldn't help myself. I laughed, and called Canito. I picked her up, and handed her to Canito, so he could put her in the shower while I clean her shitty play-pen. There was shit EVERYWHERE. On her doll, on her pillow, on her PACIFIER! I cleaned it all up, then sprayed it with some Odo-Ban to get rid of the smell. It was disgusting.
I then went to the shower, and told Canito he could leave. I notice that she had shit smudged on her face, and on her chin. I tell her, ¨Now you really are a ¨come mierda¨.¨ "come mierda" means shit-eater in spanish, but we say it when a person is conceited. Jay is very conceited. She LOVES to look at herself in the mirror, therefore calling her a "come mierda". So I tell her that, and I start cracking up, again. I clean her top to shitty bottom, well, and shitty feet. Even after I cleaned her with soap and water, she still smelled like shit. I had to scrub her, so she wouldn't stink anymore. Poor thing had shit all over her. It was hard for me not to gag. I can't imagine how she was feeling!
That wasn't the last time either. But I'll leave it for next Thursday. ;)
I think I have depression....
I think I have deleted this same post like 3 times already. I write something, then I don´t like how the WHOLE thing came out, and I delete it. IDK what´s wrong with me lately. Ever since my dad has been treating me the way he is, and criticizing me, I´ve been down in the dumps. All I wanna do is sleep. I procrastinate like CRAZY. I don´t want to do anything, or deal with anybody. And that started after my dad started saying those things to me. Thatś why I haven´t posted lately...and also because Canito has been home.
But, today I woke up feeling GREAT! I washed clothes, cleaned the fans, cleaned the house a little bit. I even woke up earlier than I usually do. Not that early compared to other people, but I usually wake up around 10:30am-12pm, and today I woke up at 9:30am. Right away I got moving. IDK why I feel better, but I do. I LOVE IT!!!!
Anywho... I spent the past weekend with my dad. From Friday-Sunday. Without Canito. Hereś why:
Thursday night, my dad called me to ask if we could go over on Friday to clean his house. His future mother-in-law was going over Friday night for the first time. We said sure. Friday morning, my dad called me again, and suggests that we stay over, because he was sure that his FMIL would love to meet us. I said I´d ask Canito to see what he wanted to do. I talked to Canito about it, but he refused. He doesn´t really like being over there ever since my dad has treated us differently. I don´t blame him. I don´t like being over there, either. BUT I went, and stayed so my dad wouldn´t complain that we never go over there. I met his FMIL, and she was really sweet, and I got to spend more time with Rosa.
Saturday, I was supposed to be going home. I didn´t have more clothes to stay another day. I had underwear, because I always bring extra. But I didn´t have any clothes. Canito told me that he wanted to go horse-back riding. I said ok, let me talk about it with my dad, to see if he could take me to the mall to get clothes. We coordinated, and I decided to stay. Saturday, I was at my dadś house by myself. He left around 5pm to be with Rosa at her job. He didn´t get back till like 10pm almost 11. I enjoyed it tho. =) Also, on Saturday, Canito didn´t have any money. I gave him money so that he could eat, or put gas in the car or whatever, but he spent it all on food. He doesn´t cook when I´m not home. He depends on me too much, lol. So, while Canito and I were on the phone talking about him not having money, my dad was saying, ¨Wait, he doesn´t have any money? Not even for gas? How is he going to come pick you up tomorrow?¨ I just shrugged my shoulders. After we got off the phone, I told my dad that Canito didn´t have any money because he bought some food since he doesn´t cook when Iḿ not home. Then, my dad says, ¨But I don´t understand. Why doesn´t he just........¨ And he cuts himself off. He was going to say, ¨Why doesn´t he just cook?¨ Why? You might be asking. Its as simple as this: HE BUYS FOOD ALL THE TIME! He bought pizza on Friday, he bought MORE food on Saturday when he went to Rosa´s job, and every time they´re together, he buys food. He doesn´t know how to cook, but she does. And he shut himself up, because he KNOWS he does the same thing. And then he´ll complain about me smoking cigarettes, and telling me I need to stop, when it takes me THREE-FOUR DAYS to smoke ONE PACK. And he smokes a pack, sometimes even more in ONE DAY. See the difference? I can quit. I CHOOSE not to, because since I´m always home, I don´t have anything to do. I know its a bad habit, but as soon as I get a job, or start school, I will quit. I do it to kill time.
Another thing that happened on Saturday morning: Jay and I were on his bed. Jay was playing around with her grandpa, when he says, ¨She´s too skinny.¨ I say, ¨No, sheś just fine. Sheś size 4 diapers, remember?¨ He doesn´t say anything else. He´s going to keep on with these comments, because Rosa jr is almost the same weight as Jay. AT NOT EVEN 4 MONTHS! Jay just turned a year and 3 months yesterday. She´s good for her age. She´s healthy.
Then, Canito called me to tell me that he sold our tire pump thing to his boss, and I said that was fine with me. I told my dad that he borrowed money from his boss, and he just shook his head in disapproval. He doesn´t approve of anything we do, or buy these days.
Sunday, my dad went to church, and I stood at his house by myself, until Canito came to pick me up. My dad still wasn´t there. It was like 6:30pm. I was greatful though, because I just wanted to go home.
On Monday or Tuesday, my dad started complaining about money....again. He was saying how he NEEDED Canito to get a job. Then, he says, ¨I told you I´d help you for a year. It´s been a year already. I need you 2 to start paying for your own things. I can´t anymore.¨ I stood shut, even though that was a LIE. He told me BEFORE HE MET ROSA-WHILE HE WAS STILL WITH HIS EX, IN FACT, WHEN HE NEVER WORRIED ABOUT MONEY, AND HE NEVER BOUGHT THINGS HE DIDN´T NEED, AND HE NEVER ATE OUT- that by 2011, he wanted us to be paying everything ourselves. 2011 isn´t even close. And....WE HAVEN´T EVEN BEEN IN PUERTO RICO FOR A YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I moved here June 4, 2009. Canito came June 27, 2009. And, we didn´t move into this apartment untill SEPTEMBER!!!!!! He´s only saying that because he hardly has money anymore from buying so much bullshit! But whatever. Like I said before, I don´t like living off of his money. I´ve been independent since I was 14. I WANT and NEED a job. I´m just waiting to get my high school diploma, so that way I could get a job.
And, he used to help out my sister-in-law pay her bills (for SEVEN MONTHS-he even got her a car!), and my mother-in-law if she ever asked for anything, and he´d even help Canito with his child support if he didn´t have the money. Now, he doesn´t do ANY. It is his money. But since he has a new step-daughter, and is engaged, everything revolves around them. I´m not jealous. Please don´t interpret this as jealousy. I couldn´t care less. Iḿ just tired of his complaining, and criticism!
Oh, you want to know something interesting? You know how my dad was complaining about birth control, and the whole, ¨Stephanie, you don´t understand the importance of you not getting pregnant. You can´t right now. Your not understanding that if you get pregnant, I can´t help you out anymore than I already am."? Well, turns out, Rosa is most likely pregnant. THEY´VE BEEN DATING FOR LIKE 2 MONTHS! THEY´RE ALREADY ENGAGED, SHE HAS A NOT EVEN 4 MONTH OLD DAUGHTER, AND SHE´S MOST LIKELY PREGNANT!
She´s like a week late. This came up over the weekend, too. I asked my dad if Rosa was usually regular with her period, and he said yes. Then, when we talk, I ask him if she´s gotten her period yet, and he´ll say, ¨Not yet. She has the symptoms, though, so maybe tonight, or tomorrow.¨ Yesterday, he told me the EXACT SAME SENTENCE!! And I told him, ¨Papi, you know you´ve been telling me the exact same thing for about a week now, right?¨ ¨(laughing) Yeah, I know. But only because she´s been telling me the same thing¨, he says.
me: period symptoms, and pregnancy symptoms are very similar. i´ve been through it twice, and she once. i´d know.
him: i know.
OH! And she´s been craving chicken and french-fries. She craved the EXACT SAME THING while she was pregnant with Rosa jr. Nice, huh? So all the bullshit, and criticism he´s been giving me, only turns around and BITES HIM IN THE ASS! Thatś being such a hypocrite, don´t you think?
(Please note, that I don´t have ANY problems with Rosa. She hasn´t done anything wrong. It´s my dad. Now that he´s all happy, and in love, he sees my daughter differently, and he´s treating me differently. But that´s all him. Not her.)
I´m so sick of hearing him complain about everything, and criticize me. About money, about not getting pregnant, about Jay being too skinny. WTF is up with that?
It has put a damper on my mood lately. So much so, that for EVERYTHING I cry! Yesterday, Canito told me he was going to go see the horse races, and I started CRYING. Just because he told me that! THINKING about crying makes me want to cry. Thinking about the pounds I want to lose, makes me cry. Thinking or talking about the shit my dad has said to me, makes me cry. Thinking about being broke, and not even having the money to get my daughter things that she needs, or I want to buy her, makes me cry. Thats the main one. It makes me feel HORRIBLE that I don´t have the money to get my daughter new toys, or onsies, because she needs them. Or another pair of shoes, some clothes. I can´t get it. If my dad asks if I need anything, I´ll say ¨no¨, or tell him small things like deodorant, or toilet paper, or diaper rash cream, so it won´t be too expensive. And even then, Iĺl just use the debit card he puts money in, to buy the things we need. And I try so hard not to spend more than like $20-$30 at a time. If it comes out more than that, I´ll say to myself, ¨I shouldn´t have bought that. I could´ve gotten it next week.¨ For things we NEED. Because I don´t want to hear him complain about money!!!!!!! If I don´t use the debit card, heĺl tell me that I can use the Visa. I DO NOT under any circumstances touch the Visa, unless he tells me to. EVER.
It´s been so bad, that I REGRET moving to Puerto Rico. I think that we were better off in NY. Canito had a job-a GOOD PAYING job. I still had child-support coming in. And even then, if I hadn´t gotten child-support, Canito´s job would have helped. We could have saved up, and moved to another state, where it´s cheaper.
After I came here, Canito got so desperate from me not being there, we had NO CHOICE but to move here. If he could have waited TWO MORE WEEKS, or if I wouldn´t have come here in the first place, we would have still been in NY. And I would have been fine with that. We would at least have had money. Jay would have EVERYTHING she needed, or wanted. If only......
Since I haven´t posted lately, I´m also going to post a TMI Thursday.
Sidenote: Just writing-well...typing- and thinking about all of this has really put a damper on my mood. I wish I would have never come here for a vacation. I think we would have been better off............
Do you guys think that I´m over-reacting, or being self-centered, or jealous? I need some advice. Even I think I´m over-reacting, I´m just venting it out. I just really wish I would have never come to PR. I HATE being broke, and hearing him bitch.
But, today I woke up feeling GREAT! I washed clothes, cleaned the fans, cleaned the house a little bit. I even woke up earlier than I usually do. Not that early compared to other people, but I usually wake up around 10:30am-12pm, and today I woke up at 9:30am. Right away I got moving. IDK why I feel better, but I do. I LOVE IT!!!!
Anywho... I spent the past weekend with my dad. From Friday-Sunday. Without Canito. Hereś why:
Thursday night, my dad called me to ask if we could go over on Friday to clean his house. His future mother-in-law was going over Friday night for the first time. We said sure. Friday morning, my dad called me again, and suggests that we stay over, because he was sure that his FMIL would love to meet us. I said I´d ask Canito to see what he wanted to do. I talked to Canito about it, but he refused. He doesn´t really like being over there ever since my dad has treated us differently. I don´t blame him. I don´t like being over there, either. BUT I went, and stayed so my dad wouldn´t complain that we never go over there. I met his FMIL, and she was really sweet, and I got to spend more time with Rosa.
Saturday, I was supposed to be going home. I didn´t have more clothes to stay another day. I had underwear, because I always bring extra. But I didn´t have any clothes. Canito told me that he wanted to go horse-back riding. I said ok, let me talk about it with my dad, to see if he could take me to the mall to get clothes. We coordinated, and I decided to stay. Saturday, I was at my dadś house by myself. He left around 5pm to be with Rosa at her job. He didn´t get back till like 10pm almost 11. I enjoyed it tho. =) Also, on Saturday, Canito didn´t have any money. I gave him money so that he could eat, or put gas in the car or whatever, but he spent it all on food. He doesn´t cook when I´m not home. He depends on me too much, lol. So, while Canito and I were on the phone talking about him not having money, my dad was saying, ¨Wait, he doesn´t have any money? Not even for gas? How is he going to come pick you up tomorrow?¨ I just shrugged my shoulders. After we got off the phone, I told my dad that Canito didn´t have any money because he bought some food since he doesn´t cook when Iḿ not home. Then, my dad says, ¨But I don´t understand. Why doesn´t he just........¨ And he cuts himself off. He was going to say, ¨Why doesn´t he just cook?¨ Why? You might be asking. Its as simple as this: HE BUYS FOOD ALL THE TIME! He bought pizza on Friday, he bought MORE food on Saturday when he went to Rosa´s job, and every time they´re together, he buys food. He doesn´t know how to cook, but she does. And he shut himself up, because he KNOWS he does the same thing. And then he´ll complain about me smoking cigarettes, and telling me I need to stop, when it takes me THREE-FOUR DAYS to smoke ONE PACK. And he smokes a pack, sometimes even more in ONE DAY. See the difference? I can quit. I CHOOSE not to, because since I´m always home, I don´t have anything to do. I know its a bad habit, but as soon as I get a job, or start school, I will quit. I do it to kill time.
Another thing that happened on Saturday morning: Jay and I were on his bed. Jay was playing around with her grandpa, when he says, ¨She´s too skinny.¨ I say, ¨No, sheś just fine. Sheś size 4 diapers, remember?¨ He doesn´t say anything else. He´s going to keep on with these comments, because Rosa jr is almost the same weight as Jay. AT NOT EVEN 4 MONTHS! Jay just turned a year and 3 months yesterday. She´s good for her age. She´s healthy.
Then, Canito called me to tell me that he sold our tire pump thing to his boss, and I said that was fine with me. I told my dad that he borrowed money from his boss, and he just shook his head in disapproval. He doesn´t approve of anything we do, or buy these days.
Sunday, my dad went to church, and I stood at his house by myself, until Canito came to pick me up. My dad still wasn´t there. It was like 6:30pm. I was greatful though, because I just wanted to go home.
On Monday or Tuesday, my dad started complaining about money....again. He was saying how he NEEDED Canito to get a job. Then, he says, ¨I told you I´d help you for a year. It´s been a year already. I need you 2 to start paying for your own things. I can´t anymore.¨ I stood shut, even though that was a LIE. He told me BEFORE HE MET ROSA-WHILE HE WAS STILL WITH HIS EX, IN FACT, WHEN HE NEVER WORRIED ABOUT MONEY, AND HE NEVER BOUGHT THINGS HE DIDN´T NEED, AND HE NEVER ATE OUT- that by 2011, he wanted us to be paying everything ourselves. 2011 isn´t even close. And....WE HAVEN´T EVEN BEEN IN PUERTO RICO FOR A YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I moved here June 4, 2009. Canito came June 27, 2009. And, we didn´t move into this apartment untill SEPTEMBER!!!!!! He´s only saying that because he hardly has money anymore from buying so much bullshit! But whatever. Like I said before, I don´t like living off of his money. I´ve been independent since I was 14. I WANT and NEED a job. I´m just waiting to get my high school diploma, so that way I could get a job.
And, he used to help out my sister-in-law pay her bills (for SEVEN MONTHS-he even got her a car!), and my mother-in-law if she ever asked for anything, and he´d even help Canito with his child support if he didn´t have the money. Now, he doesn´t do ANY. It is his money. But since he has a new step-daughter, and is engaged, everything revolves around them. I´m not jealous. Please don´t interpret this as jealousy. I couldn´t care less. Iḿ just tired of his complaining, and criticism!
Oh, you want to know something interesting? You know how my dad was complaining about birth control, and the whole, ¨Stephanie, you don´t understand the importance of you not getting pregnant. You can´t right now. Your not understanding that if you get pregnant, I can´t help you out anymore than I already am."? Well, turns out, Rosa is most likely pregnant. THEY´VE BEEN DATING FOR LIKE 2 MONTHS! THEY´RE ALREADY ENGAGED, SHE HAS A NOT EVEN 4 MONTH OLD DAUGHTER, AND SHE´S MOST LIKELY PREGNANT!
She´s like a week late. This came up over the weekend, too. I asked my dad if Rosa was usually regular with her period, and he said yes. Then, when we talk, I ask him if she´s gotten her period yet, and he´ll say, ¨Not yet. She has the symptoms, though, so maybe tonight, or tomorrow.¨ Yesterday, he told me the EXACT SAME SENTENCE!! And I told him, ¨Papi, you know you´ve been telling me the exact same thing for about a week now, right?¨ ¨(laughing) Yeah, I know. But only because she´s been telling me the same thing¨, he says.
me: period symptoms, and pregnancy symptoms are very similar. i´ve been through it twice, and she once. i´d know.
him: i know.
OH! And she´s been craving chicken and french-fries. She craved the EXACT SAME THING while she was pregnant with Rosa jr. Nice, huh? So all the bullshit, and criticism he´s been giving me, only turns around and BITES HIM IN THE ASS! Thatś being such a hypocrite, don´t you think?
(Please note, that I don´t have ANY problems with Rosa. She hasn´t done anything wrong. It´s my dad. Now that he´s all happy, and in love, he sees my daughter differently, and he´s treating me differently. But that´s all him. Not her.)
I´m so sick of hearing him complain about everything, and criticize me. About money, about not getting pregnant, about Jay being too skinny. WTF is up with that?
It has put a damper on my mood lately. So much so, that for EVERYTHING I cry! Yesterday, Canito told me he was going to go see the horse races, and I started CRYING. Just because he told me that! THINKING about crying makes me want to cry. Thinking about the pounds I want to lose, makes me cry. Thinking or talking about the shit my dad has said to me, makes me cry. Thinking about being broke, and not even having the money to get my daughter things that she needs, or I want to buy her, makes me cry. Thats the main one. It makes me feel HORRIBLE that I don´t have the money to get my daughter new toys, or onsies, because she needs them. Or another pair of shoes, some clothes. I can´t get it. If my dad asks if I need anything, I´ll say ¨no¨, or tell him small things like deodorant, or toilet paper, or diaper rash cream, so it won´t be too expensive. And even then, Iĺl just use the debit card he puts money in, to buy the things we need. And I try so hard not to spend more than like $20-$30 at a time. If it comes out more than that, I´ll say to myself, ¨I shouldn´t have bought that. I could´ve gotten it next week.¨ For things we NEED. Because I don´t want to hear him complain about money!!!!!!! If I don´t use the debit card, heĺl tell me that I can use the Visa. I DO NOT under any circumstances touch the Visa, unless he tells me to. EVER.
It´s been so bad, that I REGRET moving to Puerto Rico. I think that we were better off in NY. Canito had a job-a GOOD PAYING job. I still had child-support coming in. And even then, if I hadn´t gotten child-support, Canito´s job would have helped. We could have saved up, and moved to another state, where it´s cheaper.
After I came here, Canito got so desperate from me not being there, we had NO CHOICE but to move here. If he could have waited TWO MORE WEEKS, or if I wouldn´t have come here in the first place, we would have still been in NY. And I would have been fine with that. We would at least have had money. Jay would have EVERYTHING she needed, or wanted. If only......
Since I haven´t posted lately, I´m also going to post a TMI Thursday.
Sidenote: Just writing-well...typing- and thinking about all of this has really put a damper on my mood. I wish I would have never come here for a vacation. I think we would have been better off............
Do you guys think that I´m over-reacting, or being self-centered, or jealous? I need some advice. Even I think I´m over-reacting, I´m just venting it out. I just really wish I would have never come to PR. I HATE being broke, and hearing him bitch.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Comments II
I fixed the comments! I posted comments on previous posts, replying back to you fellow readers. If it STILL hasn't posted, please let me know, and I'll figure something out. I will win this comment war I have with my own blog! Lol.
Thanks for reading!
Thanks for reading!
My First TMI Thursday...Prepare Yourselves ;)
I've never done a TMI Thursday before. IDK why. Maybe because I just found out about it? And, I embarrass easily. Even if you don't know me. But I'm gonna give it a shot! To hell with embarrassment!
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!!
I can't mix my meats. Even though if I'm at a buffet, and I'm eating chicken, and I seem some finger-lickin' good ribs, I can't eat it. Why? You might be asking. I get sick.
I get this DISGUSTING burp, a TERRIBLE stomach ache, and I just want to cry.
This started when I was 14. My FIRST DAY WORKING! I felt HORRIBLE. But I couldn't go home. I rode the cheese bus to go to work, and to go home. I was stuck there. It happened quite a few times after that day as well, but I never knew the cause of it. I used to be a heavy sun flower seed eater, and I always thought it was that. I don't remember when I realized it was the meats causing it. But I did. And I AVOID mixing my meats like if it was The Black Plague.
In NY, Canito was making dinner one day, and he made some pork, a tuna salad, and I can't remember what else. I ate it. ALL OF IT. Man, did I regret it the next day!
I woke up with a really bad stomach ache. I went to the bathroom, and thats when the burps started. These burps, IDK what it is about them, but they make me so naucious, and they stink. They smell like something DIED inside of my intestines. Therefore, causing me to have a bad case of diarrhea, and not-so-bad puking.
I tried to make myself puke by using my toothbrush, but to no avail. While I was pregnant, and the ONLY 2 times I had morning sickness, my toothbrush worked. Not in this case.
I prayed to God to just make me throw up, because thats the ONLY WAY I'll feel better. I go back to bed, and try to forget about the pain, and the burps, and I fall asleep. Then, I wake up abruptly.
BLLLLAAAAAAAAA. BLLLLAAAAAAAAAA.
The worst smelling puke EVER. At least I think so.
Did I feel better? Hell no. Still had those God-forsaken burps. I close the bag, and get a new one, because I was bound to puke again. I went back to sleep.
I woke up, yet again, with the same about-to-puke feeling. Then, BLLAAAAAAA. BLLLAAAAAAAAA. I got it out of my system, thankfully.
Canito was up, so he went to get me ginger-ale. I still had that after-puke (kinda sounds like after-shave, huh?) taste, and burp, but not the DEATH BURP.
While Canito was getting me my ginger-ale, my tummy started a-rumblin'. I tried to fart, but instead, I ended up doo-dooing my panties. But, oh no! My daughter was awake. I couldn't just leave her there. What if she started crying? I thought-and I had to think fast, because I was about to diarrhea on myself...again- "Where in the world can I put her? Her bath chair? Her bath-tub? Fuck it, I need to go!!!"
I grabbed her, and a pair of panties, and I ran to the bathroom. I did NOT know where in the world I could set her down so I could pull my doo-doo-ey pants down. Then, I saw the hamper. Now, before you get all Judgey McJudgey Pants on me, might I add that I NEEDED TO DIARRHEA!!! The hamper was the ONLY place in the bathroom where I could put her. I was NOT going to put her on that floor. Where we were staying at, the house was ALWAYS filthy (thanks to The Super's wife). So, hell no. I think the hamper was cleaner than the floor.
I set her down on the hamper, pulled down my crappy pants (literally), grabbed her, and let it gooooooooooooo.
I had to hide my panties, because I DID NOT want Canito to see the awful image. Thankfully, Canito comes home, and since he didn't see me, nor the baby, he went to the bathroom to see what was going on. I told him, "I diarrhea-d myself." And he laughs at me, and says, "Poor Jay had to smell that." I tell him, "I know! But she was up, and what if she had started crying? Now go! I need to keep diarrhea-ing."
And it just kept on a-comin'. After I was done, I felt a hell-of-a-lot better. I drank the ginger-ale, and layed down. All I wanted to do was sleep. Jay usually fell asleep after Canito would leave to work, so thankfully, I was able to get some shut-eye.
But then, I farted, and I KNEW that if I pushed too hard, I'd be shitted (literally). I ran to the bathroom again, (Jay was asleep) and let it goooooooooo.......again.
I went back to sleep, and felt a lot better. I kept drinking ginger-ale, I didn't eat that much, and whatever I did, came out as fast as it went in.
So yes, people. I CANNOT mix my meats. I AVOID any other type of meat, if I have already consumed one. I have to wait AT LEAST an hour, before eating something different. And even then, just to be safe, I wait like 5.
I can eat chicken, and some fake crab. Or shrimp. It's not a meat, its fish (well in the case of the fake crab- fake fish). But mixing my meats comes out with a BAAAAAAD outcome. Just ask my shitted panties. ;)
Now, that was enough TMI for today, dontchathink? I hope you weren't eating while reading this. If so, that was SO ON YOU! Not my fault. You were warned. ;)
P.S. Happy Earth Day. I would have TRIED to save the planet today, by shitting..oops, I mean shUtting (sorry) everything off for an hour, but it was just TOO DAMN HOT. I needed my fans. It was so humid, and sticky. Sticky, like if you were having a competition to see who could get the most caramel, or honey all over their bodies the fastest. THAT sticky, and hot, and humid. So yeah, I just couldn't. I can't live without my fans. A/C is too expensive, so we have the fans on LITERALLY 24/7, except if we go out. I know, its horrible. But YOU try living in PR. We're close to the Equator!
Next Post: I was actually able to tell my dad that Jay is size 4 in diapers! In our 2 min and 59 sec. conversation! Literally! Wanna know his response? Tune in, and you'll find out! ;)
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!!
I can't mix my meats. Even though if I'm at a buffet, and I'm eating chicken, and I seem some finger-lickin' good ribs, I can't eat it. Why? You might be asking. I get sick.
I get this DISGUSTING burp, a TERRIBLE stomach ache, and I just want to cry.
This started when I was 14. My FIRST DAY WORKING! I felt HORRIBLE. But I couldn't go home. I rode the cheese bus to go to work, and to go home. I was stuck there. It happened quite a few times after that day as well, but I never knew the cause of it. I used to be a heavy sun flower seed eater, and I always thought it was that. I don't remember when I realized it was the meats causing it. But I did. And I AVOID mixing my meats like if it was The Black Plague.
In NY, Canito was making dinner one day, and he made some pork, a tuna salad, and I can't remember what else. I ate it. ALL OF IT. Man, did I regret it the next day!
I woke up with a really bad stomach ache. I went to the bathroom, and thats when the burps started. These burps, IDK what it is about them, but they make me so naucious, and they stink. They smell like something DIED inside of my intestines. Therefore, causing me to have a bad case of diarrhea, and not-so-bad puking.
I tried to make myself puke by using my toothbrush, but to no avail. While I was pregnant, and the ONLY 2 times I had morning sickness, my toothbrush worked. Not in this case.
I prayed to God to just make me throw up, because thats the ONLY WAY I'll feel better. I go back to bed, and try to forget about the pain, and the burps, and I fall asleep. Then, I wake up abruptly.
BLLLLAAAAAAAAA. BLLLLAAAAAAAAAA.
The worst smelling puke EVER. At least I think so.
Did I feel better? Hell no. Still had those God-forsaken burps. I close the bag, and get a new one, because I was bound to puke again. I went back to sleep.
I woke up, yet again, with the same about-to-puke feeling. Then, BLLAAAAAAA. BLLLAAAAAAAAA. I got it out of my system, thankfully.
Canito was up, so he went to get me ginger-ale. I still had that after-puke (kinda sounds like after-shave, huh?) taste, and burp, but not the DEATH BURP.
While Canito was getting me my ginger-ale, my tummy started a-rumblin'. I tried to fart, but instead, I ended up doo-dooing my panties. But, oh no! My daughter was awake. I couldn't just leave her there. What if she started crying? I thought-and I had to think fast, because I was about to diarrhea on myself...again- "Where in the world can I put her? Her bath chair? Her bath-tub? Fuck it, I need to go!!!"
I grabbed her, and a pair of panties, and I ran to the bathroom. I did NOT know where in the world I could set her down so I could pull my doo-doo-ey pants down. Then, I saw the hamper. Now, before you get all Judgey McJudgey Pants on me, might I add that I NEEDED TO DIARRHEA!!! The hamper was the ONLY place in the bathroom where I could put her. I was NOT going to put her on that floor. Where we were staying at, the house was ALWAYS filthy (thanks to The Super's wife). So, hell no. I think the hamper was cleaner than the floor.
I set her down on the hamper, pulled down my crappy pants (literally), grabbed her, and let it gooooooooooooo.
I had to hide my panties, because I DID NOT want Canito to see the awful image. Thankfully, Canito comes home, and since he didn't see me, nor the baby, he went to the bathroom to see what was going on. I told him, "I diarrhea-d myself." And he laughs at me, and says, "Poor Jay had to smell that." I tell him, "I know! But she was up, and what if she had started crying? Now go! I need to keep diarrhea-ing."
And it just kept on a-comin'. After I was done, I felt a hell-of-a-lot better. I drank the ginger-ale, and layed down. All I wanted to do was sleep. Jay usually fell asleep after Canito would leave to work, so thankfully, I was able to get some shut-eye.
But then, I farted, and I KNEW that if I pushed too hard, I'd be shitted (literally). I ran to the bathroom again, (Jay was asleep) and let it goooooooooo.......again.
I went back to sleep, and felt a lot better. I kept drinking ginger-ale, I didn't eat that much, and whatever I did, came out as fast as it went in.
So yes, people. I CANNOT mix my meats. I AVOID any other type of meat, if I have already consumed one. I have to wait AT LEAST an hour, before eating something different. And even then, just to be safe, I wait like 5.
I can eat chicken, and some fake crab. Or shrimp. It's not a meat, its fish (well in the case of the fake crab- fake fish). But mixing my meats comes out with a BAAAAAAD outcome. Just ask my shitted panties. ;)
Now, that was enough TMI for today, dontchathink? I hope you weren't eating while reading this. If so, that was SO ON YOU! Not my fault. You were warned. ;)
P.S. Happy Earth Day. I would have TRIED to save the planet today, by shitting..oops, I mean shUtting (sorry) everything off for an hour, but it was just TOO DAMN HOT. I needed my fans. It was so humid, and sticky. Sticky, like if you were having a competition to see who could get the most caramel, or honey all over their bodies the fastest. THAT sticky, and hot, and humid. So yeah, I just couldn't. I can't live without my fans. A/C is too expensive, so we have the fans on LITERALLY 24/7, except if we go out. I know, its horrible. But YOU try living in PR. We're close to the Equator!
Next Post: I was actually able to tell my dad that Jay is size 4 in diapers! In our 2 min and 59 sec. conversation! Literally! Wanna know his response? Tune in, and you'll find out! ;)
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Comments
Sorry guys. I can't leave comments on my page. IDK why. I'll figure it out sooner or later.
J~ thank you for the advice. I'm going to take it into consideration about talking to him. I think if he keeps criticizing me, I definitely will. And don't worry you didn't sound abrassive, lol.
Anon- You might be right about stooping down to her level. As for my aunt, she did start drinking waaayyyyy before all of that happened, then stopped when she was taking care of my neice, then started again after the whole incident happend. You know, my mom lieing about my cousin being in danger, then my aunt going to pick her up. My mother is a bitch. Plain and simple, lol. But you are also right about her playing the victim. She's always going to stick up for that asshole, and then its probably going to stir up old emotions, and get me depressed and angry all over again.
Thanks for the comments guys. Untill I find out how to post a comment on my own page, I'll just have to post. =/ lol
J~ thank you for the advice. I'm going to take it into consideration about talking to him. I think if he keeps criticizing me, I definitely will. And don't worry you didn't sound abrassive, lol.
Anon- You might be right about stooping down to her level. As for my aunt, she did start drinking waaayyyyy before all of that happened, then stopped when she was taking care of my neice, then started again after the whole incident happend. You know, my mom lieing about my cousin being in danger, then my aunt going to pick her up. My mother is a bitch. Plain and simple, lol. But you are also right about her playing the victim. She's always going to stick up for that asshole, and then its probably going to stir up old emotions, and get me depressed and angry all over again.
Thanks for the comments guys. Untill I find out how to post a comment on my own page, I'll just have to post. =/ lol
He LIED to me!
Yes folks, you read that title right. But whom? You might be asking? Remember my last post, where I told you guys that my dad had called my aunt, and it seemed like he called her just to ask what my daughter should be eating? Well, turns out that was a BIG FAT LIE!!!!!!!
Let me 'splain....
Yesterday (Monday, for those of you who read this late), Canito, Jay and I went to my Grandma's (♥) house. I hadn't seen her in like 2 weeks. And my aunt lives with her, as well as my aunt's husband, and their 8 month old son. We were talking, having a good time. We're a close family, so we LOVE spending time together. My aunt, to me, is more like a sister than an aunt. We were sitting down, and eating dinner, and the conversation led to my dad, his new girlfriend, and that "call" he made to my other aunt in NJ.
We started telling them the conversations that my dad and I have been having, and how they're never more than 5 minutes in duration, how he calls me less, and now when he calls me, its usually to criticize me. I also told them how Jay HATES baby food. She will not eat them unless I put it in a plate, and let her have at it by herself. But, she doesn't eat all of it. She makes more of a mess on her high chair, and on herself than she actually eats. We then told them about the so called "phone call" that my dad made to my aunt in NJ.
My 2 aunts are BEST FRIENDS. They talk every day, more than once a day. My aunt told me that it wasn't true. My dad never called Aunt NJ. Aunt NJ would have told Aunt PR. I was stunned. Why would my dad lie about that?
I told them about the conversation we had, and how that supposedly Aunt NJ told my dad that my daughter has to eat her baby food. Aunt PR said that Auny NJ would NEVER tell me that. Aunt NJ has a 6 month old daughter. She has never -and I repeat- NEVER given her daughter baby food. She buys frozen veggies, and blends them up herself. I said that I was giving Jay canned veggies (thank goodness not for long), and Aunt PR said that's not good, because cans have BPA. Thats not good. Now, I'm not exactly sure what BPA is, (gotta google it ;).) but I do know that its very unhealthy for babies. That's why when your looking for bottles, or pacifiers, etc, you want to make sure that the label says, "BPA FREE." Aunt PR then told me that not even her son likes baby food, so she makes his food, blends it up, and he LOVES it.
If you look at the labels on baby food, they're not so healthy. Carrots alone have A LOT of sodium. I also told them what he was telling me about Rosa jr. already eating baby food. Like I said before, babies have little holes in their stomachs (said by my Aunt NJ-the pediatrician), that makes it difficult for them to digest anything that isn't breast milk, or formula. I also told them, that I told my dad just that. Rosa jr. SHOULD NOT be eating baby foods just yet. If you remember his response: "Well, she's eating baby foods for babies that are 3 months." I told Aunt PR that, she said, "BUT THERE'S NO SUCH THING!" I have NEVER heard my aunt curse before, but I think what I was telling her yesterday about my dad really pissed her off. She actually cursed. (!) And I told them how Rosa jr. is already size 3 diapers (16-28 lbs), and she's only 3 months. Even they said that she's going to have A LOT of health problems growing up. She can't digest that food properly. My aunt was HEATED. I also told them that almost every conversation my dad and I have, I hang up crying, because he's always criticizing me, and he never used to do that before he got with Rosa. And now, he compares Rosa jr. to Jay. Even she said that you should hold out on baby foods, and cereals as long as possible. Only when your pediatrician says that your baby can eat food should you feed him/her baby foods or cereals. And even then, try to make them at home. Buy frozen or fresh veggies and fruit, and blend them. I can assure you that they'll like them a hell of a lot better than baby food. And season them the same way you'd season your own food- babies don't like tasteless, bland food- and neither do we.
I felt a hell of a lot better after I talked to them. I even feel more confident about my mothering skills. Today, I went food shopping, and I bought a lot of vegetables, and fruits, and I'm going to cook the vegetables and give them to Jay. And with the fruits, I'm going to make her smoothies. With COW'S MILK. Since she's a year, she should be drinking cow's milk. I read on babycenter.com yesterday that she NEEDS it. And I can start with a small amount. I'll blend it all together, and that can be her night-time bottle.
So, yes folks. My dad LIED to me about calling Aunt NJ. He only said that so I can do with Jay what Rosa is doing with Rosa jr. I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT. I'd rather listen to my aunt's, and my grandma, about how to feed my child before I listen to my dad. That was just mean, what he did. I understand that he worries about Jay, but I think I'm a good mom, and I'm raising her the right way. I'm going to start -and keep- doing what my aunt suggested, and make her food. Including meat, and some fish. She's old enough for all of that. And guess what? SHE'S SIZE 4 IN DIAPERS!!!
Wait till my dad hears that! Well... that is if we even talk for more than 5 minutes, I can actually tell him. If not, well then, he'll figure it out sooner or later.
IDK if I can trust my dad anymore. The situation might seem small, but with my history (see earlier posts about my mom), once you lie to me about something near and dear to my heart, "te cagaste", which means you shitted, or in other words, you fucked up. I don't appreciate him criticizing me about my daughter, and/or lieing to me, just so I can do with my daughter what Rosa is doing with hers. NO BABY IS ALIKE. My daughter is healthy (thank God), but Rosa jr. won't be as healthy as Jay. And that's because I waited to give her baby food.
If you have a kid, FOLLOW THE DOCTOR'S INSTRUCTIONS. Unless the instructions are just down-right stupid, or you don't agree with them. But remember, babies can't eat everything we do at such a young a age.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What should I write about in my next post? It's your choice. Just leave a comment, suggesting something, or asking a question, and I'll answer it to the best of my knowledge. (or I'll just google it.) ;) JUST KIDDING! LOL. Sort of. =) Happy Tuesday night, or Wednesday, or whenever you read this. =D
Let me 'splain....
Yesterday (Monday, for those of you who read this late), Canito, Jay and I went to my Grandma's (♥) house. I hadn't seen her in like 2 weeks. And my aunt lives with her, as well as my aunt's husband, and their 8 month old son. We were talking, having a good time. We're a close family, so we LOVE spending time together. My aunt, to me, is more like a sister than an aunt. We were sitting down, and eating dinner, and the conversation led to my dad, his new girlfriend, and that "call" he made to my other aunt in NJ.
We started telling them the conversations that my dad and I have been having, and how they're never more than 5 minutes in duration, how he calls me less, and now when he calls me, its usually to criticize me. I also told them how Jay HATES baby food. She will not eat them unless I put it in a plate, and let her have at it by herself. But, she doesn't eat all of it. She makes more of a mess on her high chair, and on herself than she actually eats. We then told them about the so called "phone call" that my dad made to my aunt in NJ.
My 2 aunts are BEST FRIENDS. They talk every day, more than once a day. My aunt told me that it wasn't true. My dad never called Aunt NJ. Aunt NJ would have told Aunt PR. I was stunned. Why would my dad lie about that?
I told them about the conversation we had, and how that supposedly Aunt NJ told my dad that my daughter has to eat her baby food. Aunt PR said that Auny NJ would NEVER tell me that. Aunt NJ has a 6 month old daughter. She has never -and I repeat- NEVER given her daughter baby food. She buys frozen veggies, and blends them up herself. I said that I was giving Jay canned veggies (thank goodness not for long), and Aunt PR said that's not good, because cans have BPA. Thats not good. Now, I'm not exactly sure what BPA is, (gotta google it ;).) but I do know that its very unhealthy for babies. That's why when your looking for bottles, or pacifiers, etc, you want to make sure that the label says, "BPA FREE." Aunt PR then told me that not even her son likes baby food, so she makes his food, blends it up, and he LOVES it.
If you look at the labels on baby food, they're not so healthy. Carrots alone have A LOT of sodium. I also told them what he was telling me about Rosa jr. already eating baby food. Like I said before, babies have little holes in their stomachs (said by my Aunt NJ-the pediatrician), that makes it difficult for them to digest anything that isn't breast milk, or formula. I also told them, that I told my dad just that. Rosa jr. SHOULD NOT be eating baby foods just yet. If you remember his response: "Well, she's eating baby foods for babies that are 3 months." I told Aunt PR that, she said, "BUT THERE'S NO SUCH THING!" I have NEVER heard my aunt curse before, but I think what I was telling her yesterday about my dad really pissed her off. She actually cursed. (!) And I told them how Rosa jr. is already size 3 diapers (16-28 lbs), and she's only 3 months. Even they said that she's going to have A LOT of health problems growing up. She can't digest that food properly. My aunt was HEATED. I also told them that almost every conversation my dad and I have, I hang up crying, because he's always criticizing me, and he never used to do that before he got with Rosa. And now, he compares Rosa jr. to Jay. Even she said that you should hold out on baby foods, and cereals as long as possible. Only when your pediatrician says that your baby can eat food should you feed him/her baby foods or cereals. And even then, try to make them at home. Buy frozen or fresh veggies and fruit, and blend them. I can assure you that they'll like them a hell of a lot better than baby food. And season them the same way you'd season your own food- babies don't like tasteless, bland food- and neither do we.
I felt a hell of a lot better after I talked to them. I even feel more confident about my mothering skills. Today, I went food shopping, and I bought a lot of vegetables, and fruits, and I'm going to cook the vegetables and give them to Jay. And with the fruits, I'm going to make her smoothies. With COW'S MILK. Since she's a year, she should be drinking cow's milk. I read on babycenter.com yesterday that she NEEDS it. And I can start with a small amount. I'll blend it all together, and that can be her night-time bottle.
So, yes folks. My dad LIED to me about calling Aunt NJ. He only said that so I can do with Jay what Rosa is doing with Rosa jr. I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT. I'd rather listen to my aunt's, and my grandma, about how to feed my child before I listen to my dad. That was just mean, what he did. I understand that he worries about Jay, but I think I'm a good mom, and I'm raising her the right way. I'm going to start -and keep- doing what my aunt suggested, and make her food. Including meat, and some fish. She's old enough for all of that. And guess what? SHE'S SIZE 4 IN DIAPERS!!!
Wait till my dad hears that! Well... that is if we even talk for more than 5 minutes, I can actually tell him. If not, well then, he'll figure it out sooner or later.
IDK if I can trust my dad anymore. The situation might seem small, but with my history (see earlier posts about my mom), once you lie to me about something near and dear to my heart, "te cagaste", which means you shitted, or in other words, you fucked up. I don't appreciate him criticizing me about my daughter, and/or lieing to me, just so I can do with my daughter what Rosa is doing with hers. NO BABY IS ALIKE. My daughter is healthy (thank God), but Rosa jr. won't be as healthy as Jay. And that's because I waited to give her baby food.
If you have a kid, FOLLOW THE DOCTOR'S INSTRUCTIONS. Unless the instructions are just down-right stupid, or you don't agree with them. But remember, babies can't eat everything we do at such a young a age.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What should I write about in my next post? It's your choice. Just leave a comment, suggesting something, or asking a question, and I'll answer it to the best of my knowledge. (or I'll just google it.) ;) JUST KIDDING! LOL. Sort of. =) Happy Tuesday night, or Wednesday, or whenever you read this. =D
Sunday, April 18, 2010
I feel like I'm losing my dad...to his 23 y.o fiance =/
My dad started dating Rosa about a month and a half ago, if it has even been that long. In about 2 weeks, he was already in love. About a week after that, he proposed. And she obviously said yes. Rosa has a 3 month-old baby. Rosa jr weighs just about as much as Jay does. And Jay is a year and almost 3 months old. After my dad proposed, things between he and I have gone down-hill. Especially after I met her.
We got along great, but then a few days after I met her, my dad started criticizing my daughter's eating habits. She doesn't like baby food. She doesn't like the texture. Just like she doesn't like mashed potatoes, either. See the similarity?
Lately, my dad hasn't called me as much as he used to. Before Rosa came along, my dad and I used to have LONG conversations. I would tell him everything that was going on in my life, then I would post whatever was going on, here. Now, the things I have posted about my mom lately, my dad STILL doesn't know the whole story. I tried talking to him Friday, and he cut me off after not even 5 minutes of talking to him, saying, "I'm sorry, but I didn't call you to have a long conversation. I wanted to see how you guys were doing. I'm busy at work, and I need to call Rosa."
I'm not jealous at all. But I hate that our relationship, and our friendship is changing.
Two weeks ago, Canito, Jay, and I were at my Grandmother's house, and my dad was there too. He started arguing with me about Jay's eating habit's. Canito and I told him that it wasn't the taste she doesn't like, its the texture. The ONLY baby food that she WILL eat, is applesauce, and bananas. When I tried talking, he said, "Stephanie, your not listening to me." I had to shut up and let him keep criticizing me about how my daughter eats. Since she won't eat the baby food, I put it in her bottle. She's getting the nutrients and vitamins from her formula, as well as the vitamins and nutrients from the baby food. He doesn't see it that way. I try not to argue with him, because I end up losing anyways. He ALWAYS has to have the last word. Whether he's wrong, or right.
Now, everytime he calls me, he's either complaining that he's broke or tired, or he's criticizing me about the way I'm raising my daughter. I think he doubts my abilities to be a mother since I had her at a young age. But then again, his fiance is only FOUR YEARS OLDER THAN ME! She'll be 24 this month, and I'll be 20 next month!
The other day, he told me that Rosa jr. was ALREADY eating baby food. AT 3 MONTHS! That is seriously unhealthy. Babies have holes in their stomachs before 6 months, and baby food is harder to digest for them, because of those holes. (and get this: my aunt told me that. [see below for details on my aunt]) I tell him that, and he tells me, "Well she's eating baby food for babies that are 3 months." THERE'S NO SUCH THING!!!! Formula, and breast milk is the ONLY thing your baby should be eating/drinking before 5 months.That's when you can start off with baby cereals.
Everytime my dad calls me now, I end up in tears. I tell Canito what happened, and he says most likely Rosa is saying things to him, about our parenting skills, and he tells me about them. Now, all he can do is compare my daughter, with her daughter.
He was NEVER bitching about Canito or I not having a job. But now since he has a new girl in his life, he's broke. If it's not from going out with Rosa, its from buying her or her baby things. AND he helps my sister-in-law pay her bills. With my SIL, I don't mind AT ALL. She's like a sister to me, and I love her as much. She has 2 kids, and she does it ALONE. She doesn't have a job, either, because with this economy, NO ONE is hiring. If they are hiring, its far away from where she lives. She also just got a hysterectomy. She's only about 23-24 years old.
So anyways, I feel like my dad is abandoning me, because for the past 2 weeks, we haven't had more than a 5 minute conversation, if that much. Whereas, he talks to Rosa, and sees her EVERYDAY. He doesn't call me when he gets home anymore because he's talking to her. And when we do talk, like I said, he's either criticizing me, "How's [Jay]? Is she ok? No fever? Is she eating ok? Is she still size 3 diapers?", or he's telling me he's broke, or that he's tired.
Rosa's daughter is size 3 diapers-at 3 months. Size 3 diapers are from 16lbs-28lbs. Jay weighs about 23lbs right now.
Also last week, my dad called me to tell me that he called my aunt. (My aunt lives in New Jersey, and she's a pediatrician. She was Jay's doctor when we lived in NY.) So my dad tells me that he called my aunt, and it seemed like he called her JUST TO ASK HER ABOUT JAY'S EATING HABITS. So he tells me that she said that she NEEDS to eat her baby food, and that I can't keep putting her baby food in her bottles. I tell him it's not my fault that Jay doesn't like the texture. I'm NOT going to force her to eat it. He says, "Stephanie, I don't think you understand the importance of her eating." HELLO?!??! How the fuck can I NOT understand? She's MY daughter.
I tell Canito to call his mom to ask what it is I'm doing wrong. My SIL did the SAME thing with her son. She would put the baby food in his bottles. My mother-in-law never said anything about it. She has NEVER criticized me. I'm doing a damn good job with raising my daughter. She also told me that now Jay should start eating step 3 baby foods, and she should eat them by herself. And you know what? THAT'S THE ONLY WAY SHE'LL EAT HER BABY FOOD. When my dad yet again asked me if she's eating ok, I tell him that my MIL told me that she's step 3 in baby foods, and that she's eating it by herself. He says, "Good! I'm glad she's finally eating it!"
He tells me a lot: Stephanie. I don't think you understand the importance of ________________. ALL THE TIME.
For my birth control: Stephanie, I don't think you understand how important it is for you NOT to get pregnant.
For anything and everything he says I don't understand how important it is.
One time, Canito, Jay and I stood the night at his house, and we were talking about birth control. He tells me: Stephanie, I don't think you understand the importance of you not getting pregnant. You need to understand that if you get pregnant, I can't help you anymore than I'm helping you now." NO ONE IS ASKING YOU TO! WTF?!?!?!
I HATE that I'm dependant on him. Ever since I was 14, (see earlier posts) I have been independant and I would buy my own shit. It wasn't a lot of money that I would have, but I would buy what I needed with it. I don't like being dependant on him. I don't like depending on anyone. I like doing and buying shit for myself. Not with anybody's help. And the fact that he throws that in my face ALL THE TIME, it makes me feel like a failure, and a piece of shit. I went CRAZY looking for a job Friday night, because I just can't deal with it anymore. I NEED a job. DESPERATELY. I want to pay my own bills, buy my daughter the things that she needs, or would want. I want to be able to buy things that Canito and I need or want. I can't deal with it anymore. I hate being dependant on him. I miss being independant.
Ever since he started dating Rosa, if my power bill is $60, it's too expensive.
Ever since he started dating Rosa, my daughter is too skinny for his liking.
Ever since he started dating Rosa, he's always broke.
Ever since he started dating Rosa, he's always tired.
Ever since he started dating Rosa, we don't have more than 5 minute conversations.
Ever since he started dating Rosa, our relationship, and friendship have changed.
Ever since he started dating Rosa, all he can do is criticize my abilities at being a mom.
Ever since he started dating Rosa, I feel like I no longer have a father.
Ever since he started dating Rosa, I REGRET moving to Puerto Rico.
I feel like we were better off in NY. Canito had a good paying job, and I was still getting child-support. Everything over there is EXPENSIVE AS FUCK, but we could have gone into the shelter system, and had an apartment in 6 months. At least over there, we always had money. Money doesn't buy happiness, but being broke can make a person down-right depressed. I don't want to move out of PR because of my family (not including my dad-he won't miss miss me. he has a new girl, and a new daughter to look after. and you know what, he'll tell me how much he misses us, but doesn't ask anymore when are we going over there, or when's the next time he's going to us. i'm not even going to put in the effort of driving an hour to go and an hour to come back just for him to criticize our parenting skills, or to hear about rosa, or to hear him complain. he wants to to see us? let him drive the 2 fucking hours.), and because of Canito's family. I'd miss them a lot.
But when I told Canito how I felt, and how I regretted moving to PR, he asked if I'd like to go to PA. IDK if that's ever gonna happen. He also said that soon one of us will have a job. I sure hope so, because if not, I'm not going to be able to keep staying shut everytime my dad bitches at me. I think we could have saved up money and moved to another state if we were still in NY. If only....
P.S. To J~ IDK if my comment got posted on my last post. I did comment back. I comment back on every comment you leave, but I'm still new to this, and trying to figure it out. Let me know if it got posted, if not, I'll figure out a way to comment back. =)
We got along great, but then a few days after I met her, my dad started criticizing my daughter's eating habits. She doesn't like baby food. She doesn't like the texture. Just like she doesn't like mashed potatoes, either. See the similarity?
Lately, my dad hasn't called me as much as he used to. Before Rosa came along, my dad and I used to have LONG conversations. I would tell him everything that was going on in my life, then I would post whatever was going on, here. Now, the things I have posted about my mom lately, my dad STILL doesn't know the whole story. I tried talking to him Friday, and he cut me off after not even 5 minutes of talking to him, saying, "I'm sorry, but I didn't call you to have a long conversation. I wanted to see how you guys were doing. I'm busy at work, and I need to call Rosa."
I'm not jealous at all. But I hate that our relationship, and our friendship is changing.
Two weeks ago, Canito, Jay, and I were at my Grandmother's house, and my dad was there too. He started arguing with me about Jay's eating habit's. Canito and I told him that it wasn't the taste she doesn't like, its the texture. The ONLY baby food that she WILL eat, is applesauce, and bananas. When I tried talking, he said, "Stephanie, your not listening to me." I had to shut up and let him keep criticizing me about how my daughter eats. Since she won't eat the baby food, I put it in her bottle. She's getting the nutrients and vitamins from her formula, as well as the vitamins and nutrients from the baby food. He doesn't see it that way. I try not to argue with him, because I end up losing anyways. He ALWAYS has to have the last word. Whether he's wrong, or right.
Now, everytime he calls me, he's either complaining that he's broke or tired, or he's criticizing me about the way I'm raising my daughter. I think he doubts my abilities to be a mother since I had her at a young age. But then again, his fiance is only FOUR YEARS OLDER THAN ME! She'll be 24 this month, and I'll be 20 next month!
The other day, he told me that Rosa jr. was ALREADY eating baby food. AT 3 MONTHS! That is seriously unhealthy. Babies have holes in their stomachs before 6 months, and baby food is harder to digest for them, because of those holes. (and get this: my aunt told me that. [see below for details on my aunt]) I tell him that, and he tells me, "Well she's eating baby food for babies that are 3 months." THERE'S NO SUCH THING!!!! Formula, and breast milk is the ONLY thing your baby should be eating/drinking before 5 months.That's when you can start off with baby cereals.
Everytime my dad calls me now, I end up in tears. I tell Canito what happened, and he says most likely Rosa is saying things to him, about our parenting skills, and he tells me about them. Now, all he can do is compare my daughter, with her daughter.
He was NEVER bitching about Canito or I not having a job. But now since he has a new girl in his life, he's broke. If it's not from going out with Rosa, its from buying her or her baby things. AND he helps my sister-in-law pay her bills. With my SIL, I don't mind AT ALL. She's like a sister to me, and I love her as much. She has 2 kids, and she does it ALONE. She doesn't have a job, either, because with this economy, NO ONE is hiring. If they are hiring, its far away from where she lives. She also just got a hysterectomy. She's only about 23-24 years old.
So anyways, I feel like my dad is abandoning me, because for the past 2 weeks, we haven't had more than a 5 minute conversation, if that much. Whereas, he talks to Rosa, and sees her EVERYDAY. He doesn't call me when he gets home anymore because he's talking to her. And when we do talk, like I said, he's either criticizing me, "How's [Jay]? Is she ok? No fever? Is she eating ok? Is she still size 3 diapers?", or he's telling me he's broke, or that he's tired.
Rosa's daughter is size 3 diapers-at 3 months. Size 3 diapers are from 16lbs-28lbs. Jay weighs about 23lbs right now.
Also last week, my dad called me to tell me that he called my aunt. (My aunt lives in New Jersey, and she's a pediatrician. She was Jay's doctor when we lived in NY.) So my dad tells me that he called my aunt, and it seemed like he called her JUST TO ASK HER ABOUT JAY'S EATING HABITS. So he tells me that she said that she NEEDS to eat her baby food, and that I can't keep putting her baby food in her bottles. I tell him it's not my fault that Jay doesn't like the texture. I'm NOT going to force her to eat it. He says, "Stephanie, I don't think you understand the importance of her eating." HELLO?!??! How the fuck can I NOT understand? She's MY daughter.
I tell Canito to call his mom to ask what it is I'm doing wrong. My SIL did the SAME thing with her son. She would put the baby food in his bottles. My mother-in-law never said anything about it. She has NEVER criticized me. I'm doing a damn good job with raising my daughter. She also told me that now Jay should start eating step 3 baby foods, and she should eat them by herself. And you know what? THAT'S THE ONLY WAY SHE'LL EAT HER BABY FOOD. When my dad yet again asked me if she's eating ok, I tell him that my MIL told me that she's step 3 in baby foods, and that she's eating it by herself. He says, "Good! I'm glad she's finally eating it!"
He tells me a lot: Stephanie. I don't think you understand the importance of ________________. ALL THE TIME.
For my birth control: Stephanie, I don't think you understand how important it is for you NOT to get pregnant.
For anything and everything he says I don't understand how important it is.
One time, Canito, Jay and I stood the night at his house, and we were talking about birth control. He tells me: Stephanie, I don't think you understand the importance of you not getting pregnant. You need to understand that if you get pregnant, I can't help you anymore than I'm helping you now." NO ONE IS ASKING YOU TO! WTF?!?!?!
I HATE that I'm dependant on him. Ever since I was 14, (see earlier posts) I have been independant and I would buy my own shit. It wasn't a lot of money that I would have, but I would buy what I needed with it. I don't like being dependant on him. I don't like depending on anyone. I like doing and buying shit for myself. Not with anybody's help. And the fact that he throws that in my face ALL THE TIME, it makes me feel like a failure, and a piece of shit. I went CRAZY looking for a job Friday night, because I just can't deal with it anymore. I NEED a job. DESPERATELY. I want to pay my own bills, buy my daughter the things that she needs, or would want. I want to be able to buy things that Canito and I need or want. I can't deal with it anymore. I hate being dependant on him. I miss being independant.
Ever since he started dating Rosa, if my power bill is $60, it's too expensive.
Ever since he started dating Rosa, my daughter is too skinny for his liking.
Ever since he started dating Rosa, he's always broke.
Ever since he started dating Rosa, he's always tired.
Ever since he started dating Rosa, we don't have more than 5 minute conversations.
Ever since he started dating Rosa, our relationship, and friendship have changed.
Ever since he started dating Rosa, all he can do is criticize my abilities at being a mom.
Ever since he started dating Rosa, I feel like I no longer have a father.
Ever since he started dating Rosa, I REGRET moving to Puerto Rico.
I feel like we were better off in NY. Canito had a good paying job, and I was still getting child-support. Everything over there is EXPENSIVE AS FUCK, but we could have gone into the shelter system, and had an apartment in 6 months. At least over there, we always had money. Money doesn't buy happiness, but being broke can make a person down-right depressed. I don't want to move out of PR because of my family (not including my dad-he won't miss miss me. he has a new girl, and a new daughter to look after. and you know what, he'll tell me how much he misses us, but doesn't ask anymore when are we going over there, or when's the next time he's going to us. i'm not even going to put in the effort of driving an hour to go and an hour to come back just for him to criticize our parenting skills, or to hear about rosa, or to hear him complain. he wants to to see us? let him drive the 2 fucking hours.), and because of Canito's family. I'd miss them a lot.
But when I told Canito how I felt, and how I regretted moving to PR, he asked if I'd like to go to PA. IDK if that's ever gonna happen. He also said that soon one of us will have a job. I sure hope so, because if not, I'm not going to be able to keep staying shut everytime my dad bitches at me. I think we could have saved up money and moved to another state if we were still in NY. If only....
P.S. To J~ IDK if my comment got posted on my last post. I did comment back. I comment back on every comment you leave, but I'm still new to this, and trying to figure it out. Let me know if it got posted, if not, I'll figure out a way to comment back. =)
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