http://lovemuffiin.wordpress.com/2010/05/11/hello-bloggies/
Friday, May 14, 2010
I MOOOVED!!!
Friday, May 7, 2010
"I feel pretty, oh so pretty"
Well, not necessarily pretty. I haven't felt pretty since before I got pregnant. Well, besides if I actually PUT EFFORT into my appearance, and even then, sometimes I feel fat. Its true what they say. About if you have a girl, they take all your beauty from you. My daughter is gorgeous though. =) Anywho, since "I feel better, oh so better" isn't a song, I couldn't quote it. ;)
But, I do feel better. A LOT better. Yesterday, my Dad and I got into a semi-argument. It was about the jobs, of course. And I told him that we were looking, but NO ONE is calling us back. At night, he called me again, and asked about the email he sent me. Not too long ago, he sent me an email with the number to where Rosa works at, because they're hiring. With my forgetful brain, and I, I totally forgot to give the number to David. BRB poopy diaper. =/.................................................................................................................
.....................................................................................................................
Ok I'm back. My nose hardly ever fails me =). So yeah, we got into a mini-argument about that. Well, he was mad, and I just stood shut. If I open my mouth, I would have told him off, and I didn't want to do that. So, we hung up, I got the number, and when I went to the 2nd bedroom to give it to David, my Dad calls. David's phone. They talk, and David tells him whats been bothering me. Because my dad asked. He told David, "Do you know whats wrong with her? She doesn't talk to me, and shes not listening to me." And David told him what I've been feeling. My depression, his criticism, and how now everything is changing.
When my Dad called me this morning, at 9:30 am on the dot, (I was already awake btw. I know! What a miracle!!) he says, "Stephanie, I'm sorry. I don't want you to be mad at me." And I say its ok, its just everything has changed. And we talked for a little bit. For longer than 5 minutes!!! We talked for like 20 minutes. And it wasn't about jobs! I felt a lot better after the talk, because we actually TALKED and I didn't hang up and start bawling my eyes out!!!
He called me again at 6:20 pm, when he was getting out of work. And we talked for a good hour! He actually said that he's sorry.
me: for what?
him: because i wish i could do more. i wish i was getting more money.
me: papi, your doing enough as it is! theres A LOT of fathers out there that WOULD NOT be doing what your doing. your helping out enough as it is. instead of criticizing yourself, you should be proud of yourself. A LOT of parents wouldn't help their kid the way your helping us. just look at mom.
him: aww. thanks stephanie. i'm happy you feel that way.
me: well yea, your helping us so much, and we really appreciate it. this is why i've been depressed lately. because i don't have a job, and i can't get things, and it REALLY bothers me that i can't get jaslin a lot of things i would like to get her.
him: what about the necessities? remember i told you that if you needed anything, let me know.
me: well, david and i need deodorant, jaslin needs shampoo and soap, and we need a broom, cuz the one that was here when we moved in is all messed up, and we need a new mop, because david broke it today.
him: ok, just use the Visa.
me: thank you papi.
And we talked about college, and jobs, and how soon I'll be getting my diploma. But, like I replied to the comment from my last post, since I came here from NY, and all of my papers were left over there, INCLUDING my vaccination records. Without that, I can't get a diploma. SO, I have to get ALL OF MY SHOTS ALL OVER AGAIN. But, its ok. Its a pretty small sacrifice for getting my diploma. I get excited just thinking about it! I'm finally going to have my diploma, and I can feel proud of myself for accomplishing something so important. And he also said that I have great potential. A lot of people say that after meeting me. And I want to go to school, and get a job. I'm anxious just thinking about it! Getting my diploma would be my 2nd biggest accomplishment. The 1st, is OBVIOUSLY giving birth to a 7lb 10 oz baby VAGINALLY. That is the greatest accomplishment EVER. And VERY BIG KUDOS to the mothers out there who give birth to even BIGGER babies. Do you know what that does to your vagina?
And to the mothers who have had a C-section, kudos to you too. And the women who can't have babies, I am truly very sorry. I am thankful for having my daughter, because there are so many women in the world who have so much love to give, and would be the BEST MOTHERS IN THE WORLD, and can't have children. I am very, very sorry.
On a happier note, tomorrow is my birthday. The more I think of it, the more excited I actually get. But I am a little sad to leave my TEENS behind. But hey, everyone has to grow up, right? Its also my anniversary. Wow. TWO WHOLE YEARS! I can't believe it.
You see, for some people that might seem like a short time. My grandfather has been with my step-grandmother for TWENTY-SEVEN YEARS. But 2 years is a start, right? I wish I was going to get a ring on my finger like some women would have had a while ago, but I don't think we're ready yet. We need to get past the trust/communication issues first. And David's not in his "prime" to get married yet, either. How do I even know if he's "The One"? How does anyone ever know?
Well anyways, I am feeling much better. Not as good as I hope to feel soon, but getting there little by little. As soon as one of us gets a job, and I lose 20 lbs, I'll feel GREAT. I just need to stop being so lazy to lose the weight =/.
Questions: How do you lose/maintain your weight? Can I loose some bra sizes? A 36D isn't cutting it for me anymore. I HATE having such big boobage. And, how do you know if the guy your with is "The One"? Does it feel a certain way? Do you just KNOW? Or do you take that chance that he could Mr. TOTALLY FUCKING ASSHOLE-ISH WRONG?
Happy Mother's Day to the mothers who read my blog, or to those who are expecting, and to those who can't have babies, your time will come when God is ready for you to be a mother. My aunt had 2 miscarriages before she finally had my little cousin. She thought being a mother just wasn't for her, and she is a GREAT mother.
But, I do feel better. A LOT better. Yesterday, my Dad and I got into a semi-argument. It was about the jobs, of course. And I told him that we were looking, but NO ONE is calling us back. At night, he called me again, and asked about the email he sent me. Not too long ago, he sent me an email with the number to where Rosa works at, because they're hiring. With my forgetful brain, and I, I totally forgot to give the number to David. BRB poopy diaper. =/.................................................................................................................
.....................................................................................................................
Ok I'm back. My nose hardly ever fails me =). So yeah, we got into a mini-argument about that. Well, he was mad, and I just stood shut. If I open my mouth, I would have told him off, and I didn't want to do that. So, we hung up, I got the number, and when I went to the 2nd bedroom to give it to David, my Dad calls. David's phone. They talk, and David tells him whats been bothering me. Because my dad asked. He told David, "Do you know whats wrong with her? She doesn't talk to me, and shes not listening to me." And David told him what I've been feeling. My depression, his criticism, and how now everything is changing.
When my Dad called me this morning, at 9:30 am on the dot, (I was already awake btw. I know! What a miracle!!) he says, "Stephanie, I'm sorry. I don't want you to be mad at me." And I say its ok, its just everything has changed. And we talked for a little bit. For longer than 5 minutes!!! We talked for like 20 minutes. And it wasn't about jobs! I felt a lot better after the talk, because we actually TALKED and I didn't hang up and start bawling my eyes out!!!
He called me again at 6:20 pm, when he was getting out of work. And we talked for a good hour! He actually said that he's sorry.
me: for what?
him: because i wish i could do more. i wish i was getting more money.
me: papi, your doing enough as it is! theres A LOT of fathers out there that WOULD NOT be doing what your doing. your helping out enough as it is. instead of criticizing yourself, you should be proud of yourself. A LOT of parents wouldn't help their kid the way your helping us. just look at mom.
him: aww. thanks stephanie. i'm happy you feel that way.
me: well yea, your helping us so much, and we really appreciate it. this is why i've been depressed lately. because i don't have a job, and i can't get things, and it REALLY bothers me that i can't get jaslin a lot of things i would like to get her.
him: what about the necessities? remember i told you that if you needed anything, let me know.
me: well, david and i need deodorant, jaslin needs shampoo and soap, and we need a broom, cuz the one that was here when we moved in is all messed up, and we need a new mop, because david broke it today.
him: ok, just use the Visa.
me: thank you papi.
And we talked about college, and jobs, and how soon I'll be getting my diploma. But, like I replied to the comment from my last post, since I came here from NY, and all of my papers were left over there, INCLUDING my vaccination records. Without that, I can't get a diploma. SO, I have to get ALL OF MY SHOTS ALL OVER AGAIN. But, its ok. Its a pretty small sacrifice for getting my diploma. I get excited just thinking about it! I'm finally going to have my diploma, and I can feel proud of myself for accomplishing something so important. And he also said that I have great potential. A lot of people say that after meeting me. And I want to go to school, and get a job. I'm anxious just thinking about it! Getting my diploma would be my 2nd biggest accomplishment. The 1st, is OBVIOUSLY giving birth to a 7lb 10 oz baby VAGINALLY. That is the greatest accomplishment EVER. And VERY BIG KUDOS to the mothers out there who give birth to even BIGGER babies. Do you know what that does to your vagina?
And to the mothers who have had a C-section, kudos to you too. And the women who can't have babies, I am truly very sorry. I am thankful for having my daughter, because there are so many women in the world who have so much love to give, and would be the BEST MOTHERS IN THE WORLD, and can't have children. I am very, very sorry.
On a happier note, tomorrow is my birthday. The more I think of it, the more excited I actually get. But I am a little sad to leave my TEENS behind. But hey, everyone has to grow up, right? Its also my anniversary. Wow. TWO WHOLE YEARS! I can't believe it.
You see, for some people that might seem like a short time. My grandfather has been with my step-grandmother for TWENTY-SEVEN YEARS. But 2 years is a start, right? I wish I was going to get a ring on my finger like some women would have had a while ago, but I don't think we're ready yet. We need to get past the trust/communication issues first. And David's not in his "prime" to get married yet, either. How do I even know if he's "The One"? How does anyone ever know?
Well anyways, I am feeling much better. Not as good as I hope to feel soon, but getting there little by little. As soon as one of us gets a job, and I lose 20 lbs, I'll feel GREAT. I just need to stop being so lazy to lose the weight =/.
Questions: How do you lose/maintain your weight? Can I loose some bra sizes? A 36D isn't cutting it for me anymore. I HATE having such big boobage. And, how do you know if the guy your with is "The One"? Does it feel a certain way? Do you just KNOW? Or do you take that chance that he could Mr. TOTALLY FUCKING ASSHOLE-ISH WRONG?
Happy Mother's Day to the mothers who read my blog, or to those who are expecting, and to those who can't have babies, your time will come when God is ready for you to be a mother. My aunt had 2 miscarriages before she finally had my little cousin. She thought being a mother just wasn't for her, and she is a GREAT mother.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
I REGRET coming to Puerto Rico
Ever since I moved here, all I've had is BAD LUCK. I HATE being here.
My dad keeps pestering and bitching about finding a job. Hello? I don't have my high school diploma, and NO ONE around here is hiring. I had to look for jobs AN HOUR away from where I live. Oh, and here's a new lie: He has to pay $600 a month MORE in taxes. He said that for everyone in PR who earns more than $50,000 a year, has to pay that much more a month in taxes. BULLSHIT! I even looked it up on GOOGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so sick of his bullshit. I really am. Oh, and on Monday, while I was telling him about the drama that happened with David, he said, "We're, no not we, because I can't help you with this. But you have to get a job. I can't help you. If anything happens to you, I can't help you. And where is David gonna go? We're going to have to move you to the metro area. And what about Jaslin? Who will take care of her?" Then, when I was explaining my answerS to him, he said, "Stephanie, I can't talk about this right now. I need to go." Because he was with Rosa, and her mom. Notice that he didn't offer for me to stay with him, like he used to. He used to JUMP (not literally, but ya know what I mean!), and automatically say I could stay with him. He didn't even SLIGHTLY mention it.
He hasn't been a big part of my life, lately. Please don't get me wrong. I'm VERY happy that he's happy, and he's finally found "The One", I just don't like how he's been treating US. He has been showing more love and attention to his fiance, and step-daughter, than he has his own daughter, and granddaughter.
Whenever he calls me, I end up so pissed off, all I want to do is cry. EVERY TIME!!! Now, when he calls me, ALL he talks about is him not being able to help us, if one of us has found a job, if I UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE of finding a job, and him not being able to help us, and how he has no money. Oh, yeah, and Rosa. Geez Dad, I wonder why you have no money?!?!?!
He hasn't criticized Jaslin's weight anymore, but all he talks about is MONEY, MONEY, MONEY. Today, while we were talking, he asked where was David.
me: working.
him: oh, good! when is he going to pick up the applications? (he has applications for a security guard job.)
me: idk. whenever he has time.
him: did he work yesterday?
me: no.
him: i see. so he could have come to pick them up yesterday, but he didn't?
me: .........................
him: stephanie, next month, i won't be able to pay your rent. maybe HALF of it, but not all of it. you guys need to move on the job front.
me: ok.
him: do you understand what i'm telling you?
me: yes
him: are you sure?
me: yes.
him: your sure?
me: yes.
him: ok. i'm not going to keep pushing you guys on this. the applications are on top of the table. i won't keep pushing you guys. but you need to understand that i can't help you anymore.
me: ok.
After the "I love you's", we hung up. I HATE it when he asks if I understand something. Sometimes, I can be a little slow, but I'm NOT A FUCKING 5 YEAR OLD!!!
I UNDERSTAND PERFECTLY.
I UNDERSTAND THAT WE NEED TO GET A FUCKING JOB.
I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU CAN'T HELP US ANYMORE.
I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO HELP US WITH THE RENT NEXT MONTH.
I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU DON'T HAVE MONEY.
I UNDERSTAND. I UNDERSTAND. I UNDERSTAND. I FUCKING UNDERSTAND!
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I UNDERSTAND?!?!?!?!? AND THAT I'M NOT A FUCKING 5 YEAR OLD LITTLE GIRL WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND? DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, DAD, DO YOU? CUZ I SURE AS FUCKING HELL DO!
Ahem. Sorry about that, I got a little carried away. I couldn't help myself. I'm just tired of him complaining. Ever since he's been engaged, he never has money, nor time, and is always sleepy. He's always saying how he misses us, but NEVER, and I repeat, NEVER asks when is he going to us, or if he can come over HERE. NEVER!!
My hard-drive is messed up. While I'm typing this, my computer can just crash. Just like that. It can shut off, and never turn back on. We found this out the weekend I stood at his house, because he installed Linux into my computer. TWO. WEEKS.
Has he called in to ask for a replacement? Nope. His excuse, "No. I haven't had any time to do it." HAVEN'T HAD ANY TIME?!?!?! WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOUR WITH ROSA? WHAT ABOUT ON SATURDAY? YOUR LUNCH-BREAK?????? WHAT ABOUT THEN? OH WAIT, I'M SORRY. I FORGOT. YOU ARE ALWAYS BUSY. WITH YOUR FIANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry, again.
Monday night, after David got off of work, my Dad called him so that he could go to his house, to take some flowers to my Grandmother, because my Dad doesn't have any time to take them to her, and they're going to die in his house. You know where he was? Rosa's house. How come that in the time he goes to see Rosa, he can't take the damn flowers to my Grandmother? And why the fuck didn't he just get them on Saturday and take them to her?!???!?! Because I'm pretty sure he already has plans with Rosa. He's not coming to see me ON MY BIRTHDAY. Nooooooooo. He'd lose time with his fiance. What is he doing for Mother's Day? Gonna be with Rosa, that's what he's going to do. Even though he should go see his MOTHER and wish her a Happy Mother's Day PERSONALLY, and thank her for giving him life.
I am SOOOO thankful that David's boss isn't being an asshole, and is actually CALLING him to work. Even though he got into an argument with him on Monday, he's still calling him to work. (they argued because his boss is a cheap asshole, and he'll over work his employees, but under pay them. for 10 hours, he wanted tp pay david $45.) With that money, I wanted to go to the movies on my birthday, and out to dinner on Mother's Day. I decided not to. Even though I want to go out so bad, I'm not going to. I already told David that with that money, we're going to save it, and pay the fucking rent. All David has to do is work 8 days to pay the rent. Well, maybe like 9-10 cuz of his child support. Its $30 weekly.
I regret coming here so badly.
In NY, David had a GOOD PAYING STABLE job. We could have saved up, and moved to another state, or something. Its not easy getting a damn job here. With the economy, and where we live. We have to get a job AT LEAST a half hour away, maybe even an hour..
I hate being here. Ever since my Dad started with his shit, I am SO depressed. I'm always so sad, and mad. (i'm sorry. i know i'm being repetitive.)
Another thing. The SAME EXACT THING that my mom did to me, my Dad is doing to me little by little. He's slowly, but surely abandoning me. He doesn't call me as often. And when he does, all he does is complain, criticize, and bitch about money. He never asks to see us anymore. IDK if it's Rosa telling him stuff about us, or his decision. I really don't know. But lately, he has CHANGED. At first, he changed for the better. But now, he changed for the WORST. Little by little he has pushed me, and my daughter COMPLETELY to the side.
Every time he calls me, I cringe. Literally. I wonder, "What the fuck is he going to say now? Why is he calling me, now? What the fuck does he want, now?"
I don't even want him calling me, anymore. I even told David, crying, might I add, "I HOPE THAT AS SOON AS HE GETS MARRIED, HE STOPS FUCKING CALLING ME! I'M TIRED OF THIS SHIT! I DON'T WANT HIM CALLING ME ANYMORE!" I used to LOVE talking to my Dad. He WAS my best friend.
Now, he's a lousy friend, and Dad. (sorry, but its true) I appreciate EVERYTHING he has done for us, and helped us out so much, but damn. He NEVER complained until he got engaged, and started WAISTING his money on SHIT. I can't wait till one of us gets a job. David has been looking, I've been looking, and to NO avail. NO ONE is hiring around here. I've even looked more than an hour away from where I live because I'm so fucking DESPERATE!
I hope I get a damn job soon. Then, he can take his money, and shove it up his ass. I'm sorry if I sound cruel, I'm just sooo....down.
On another note, David and I are doing OK, I guess. He's the type of person who doesn't like talking about arguments, or problems, and I do like resolving the issues. I try to talk about it with him in subtle hints, but he doesn't want to. It's still bothering the shit out of me, and thinking about it makes me want to cry, but soon enough, I won't be able to hold it in anymore. We haven't said "I love you" in THREE days. We hadn't even kissed in 3 days, until today, when he got home.
I don't dare say it to him, because of what he said to me on Monday. In case I didn't post it here, he said, "I loved you so much. But now, the love I have for you is hardly there. I don't love you as much as I used to." IDK if he said it out of anger, or what it was. But I'm not gonna tell him I love him, if he isn't going to tell it to me first. And I told him today before he got home from work, "You know we haven't kissed or said I love you in 3 days, right?"
him: its been longer than that.
me: no. its been 3. i used to say it to you all the time, but ever since you said that on monday, i'm too scared to say it to you, because maybe you'll just say it back because i said it.
him: he changed the subject.
So, IDK what we're going to do. IDK how he feels. IDK if we're going to stay together, or separate. I do know that ever since then, I have a wall around my heart, because I'm tired of getting hurt by everyone I love most.
I'm gonna TRY to not pay attention to my Dad's comments. But sooner or later, I'm gonna blow up on him just like I did with my Mom. I respect. But once you start getting on my fucking nerves, I'll hold out a little longer, until I can't anymore, and then I'll blow up. And I'm gonna do the same with David. I won't be able to hold out much longer. Trust me.
Pray for me guys, please. Pray that I get a job. Soon. Please! I'm desperate!!!
My dad keeps pestering and bitching about finding a job. Hello? I don't have my high school diploma, and NO ONE around here is hiring. I had to look for jobs AN HOUR away from where I live. Oh, and here's a new lie: He has to pay $600 a month MORE in taxes. He said that for everyone in PR who earns more than $50,000 a year, has to pay that much more a month in taxes. BULLSHIT! I even looked it up on GOOGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so sick of his bullshit. I really am. Oh, and on Monday, while I was telling him about the drama that happened with David, he said, "We're, no not we, because I can't help you with this. But you have to get a job. I can't help you. If anything happens to you, I can't help you. And where is David gonna go? We're going to have to move you to the metro area. And what about Jaslin? Who will take care of her?" Then, when I was explaining my answerS to him, he said, "Stephanie, I can't talk about this right now. I need to go." Because he was with Rosa, and her mom. Notice that he didn't offer for me to stay with him, like he used to. He used to JUMP (not literally, but ya know what I mean!), and automatically say I could stay with him. He didn't even SLIGHTLY mention it.
He hasn't been a big part of my life, lately. Please don't get me wrong. I'm VERY happy that he's happy, and he's finally found "The One", I just don't like how he's been treating US. He has been showing more love and attention to his fiance, and step-daughter, than he has his own daughter, and granddaughter.
Whenever he calls me, I end up so pissed off, all I want to do is cry. EVERY TIME!!! Now, when he calls me, ALL he talks about is him not being able to help us, if one of us has found a job, if I UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE of finding a job, and him not being able to help us, and how he has no money. Oh, yeah, and Rosa. Geez Dad, I wonder why you have no money?!?!?!
He hasn't criticized Jaslin's weight anymore, but all he talks about is MONEY, MONEY, MONEY. Today, while we were talking, he asked where was David.
me: working.
him: oh, good! when is he going to pick up the applications? (he has applications for a security guard job.)
me: idk. whenever he has time.
him: did he work yesterday?
me: no.
him: i see. so he could have come to pick them up yesterday, but he didn't?
me: .........................
him: stephanie, next month, i won't be able to pay your rent. maybe HALF of it, but not all of it. you guys need to move on the job front.
me: ok.
him: do you understand what i'm telling you?
me: yes
him: are you sure?
me: yes.
him: your sure?
me: yes.
him: ok. i'm not going to keep pushing you guys on this. the applications are on top of the table. i won't keep pushing you guys. but you need to understand that i can't help you anymore.
me: ok.
After the "I love you's", we hung up. I HATE it when he asks if I understand something. Sometimes, I can be a little slow, but I'm NOT A FUCKING 5 YEAR OLD!!!
I UNDERSTAND PERFECTLY.
I UNDERSTAND THAT WE NEED TO GET A FUCKING JOB.
I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU CAN'T HELP US ANYMORE.
I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO HELP US WITH THE RENT NEXT MONTH.
I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU DON'T HAVE MONEY.
I UNDERSTAND. I UNDERSTAND. I UNDERSTAND. I FUCKING UNDERSTAND!
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I UNDERSTAND?!?!?!?!? AND THAT I'M NOT A FUCKING 5 YEAR OLD LITTLE GIRL WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND? DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, DAD, DO YOU? CUZ I SURE AS FUCKING HELL DO!
Ahem. Sorry about that, I got a little carried away. I couldn't help myself. I'm just tired of him complaining. Ever since he's been engaged, he never has money, nor time, and is always sleepy. He's always saying how he misses us, but NEVER, and I repeat, NEVER asks when is he going to us, or if he can come over HERE. NEVER!!
My hard-drive is messed up. While I'm typing this, my computer can just crash. Just like that. It can shut off, and never turn back on. We found this out the weekend I stood at his house, because he installed Linux into my computer. TWO. WEEKS.
Has he called in to ask for a replacement? Nope. His excuse, "No. I haven't had any time to do it." HAVEN'T HAD ANY TIME?!?!?! WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOUR WITH ROSA? WHAT ABOUT ON SATURDAY? YOUR LUNCH-BREAK?????? WHAT ABOUT THEN? OH WAIT, I'M SORRY. I FORGOT. YOU ARE ALWAYS BUSY. WITH YOUR FIANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry, again.
Monday night, after David got off of work, my Dad called him so that he could go to his house, to take some flowers to my Grandmother, because my Dad doesn't have any time to take them to her, and they're going to die in his house. You know where he was? Rosa's house. How come that in the time he goes to see Rosa, he can't take the damn flowers to my Grandmother? And why the fuck didn't he just get them on Saturday and take them to her?!???!?! Because I'm pretty sure he already has plans with Rosa. He's not coming to see me ON MY BIRTHDAY. Nooooooooo. He'd lose time with his fiance. What is he doing for Mother's Day? Gonna be with Rosa, that's what he's going to do. Even though he should go see his MOTHER and wish her a Happy Mother's Day PERSONALLY, and thank her for giving him life.
I am SOOOO thankful that David's boss isn't being an asshole, and is actually CALLING him to work. Even though he got into an argument with him on Monday, he's still calling him to work. (they argued because his boss is a cheap asshole, and he'll over work his employees, but under pay them. for 10 hours, he wanted tp pay david $45.) With that money, I wanted to go to the movies on my birthday, and out to dinner on Mother's Day. I decided not to. Even though I want to go out so bad, I'm not going to. I already told David that with that money, we're going to save it, and pay the fucking rent. All David has to do is work 8 days to pay the rent. Well, maybe like 9-10 cuz of his child support. Its $30 weekly.
I regret coming here so badly.
In NY, David had a GOOD PAYING STABLE job. We could have saved up, and moved to another state, or something. Its not easy getting a damn job here. With the economy, and where we live. We have to get a job AT LEAST a half hour away, maybe even an hour..
I hate being here. Ever since my Dad started with his shit, I am SO depressed. I'm always so sad, and mad. (i'm sorry. i know i'm being repetitive.)
Another thing. The SAME EXACT THING that my mom did to me, my Dad is doing to me little by little. He's slowly, but surely abandoning me. He doesn't call me as often. And when he does, all he does is complain, criticize, and bitch about money. He never asks to see us anymore. IDK if it's Rosa telling him stuff about us, or his decision. I really don't know. But lately, he has CHANGED. At first, he changed for the better. But now, he changed for the WORST. Little by little he has pushed me, and my daughter COMPLETELY to the side.
Every time he calls me, I cringe. Literally. I wonder, "What the fuck is he going to say now? Why is he calling me, now? What the fuck does he want, now?"
I don't even want him calling me, anymore. I even told David, crying, might I add, "I HOPE THAT AS SOON AS HE GETS MARRIED, HE STOPS FUCKING CALLING ME! I'M TIRED OF THIS SHIT! I DON'T WANT HIM CALLING ME ANYMORE!" I used to LOVE talking to my Dad. He WAS my best friend.
Now, he's a lousy friend, and Dad. (sorry, but its true) I appreciate EVERYTHING he has done for us, and helped us out so much, but damn. He NEVER complained until he got engaged, and started WAISTING his money on SHIT. I can't wait till one of us gets a job. David has been looking, I've been looking, and to NO avail. NO ONE is hiring around here. I've even looked more than an hour away from where I live because I'm so fucking DESPERATE!
I hope I get a damn job soon. Then, he can take his money, and shove it up his ass. I'm sorry if I sound cruel, I'm just sooo....down.
On another note, David and I are doing OK, I guess. He's the type of person who doesn't like talking about arguments, or problems, and I do like resolving the issues. I try to talk about it with him in subtle hints, but he doesn't want to. It's still bothering the shit out of me, and thinking about it makes me want to cry, but soon enough, I won't be able to hold it in anymore. We haven't said "I love you" in THREE days. We hadn't even kissed in 3 days, until today, when he got home.
I don't dare say it to him, because of what he said to me on Monday. In case I didn't post it here, he said, "I loved you so much. But now, the love I have for you is hardly there. I don't love you as much as I used to." IDK if he said it out of anger, or what it was. But I'm not gonna tell him I love him, if he isn't going to tell it to me first. And I told him today before he got home from work, "You know we haven't kissed or said I love you in 3 days, right?"
him: its been longer than that.
me: no. its been 3. i used to say it to you all the time, but ever since you said that on monday, i'm too scared to say it to you, because maybe you'll just say it back because i said it.
him: he changed the subject.
So, IDK what we're going to do. IDK how he feels. IDK if we're going to stay together, or separate. I do know that ever since then, I have a wall around my heart, because I'm tired of getting hurt by everyone I love most.
I'm gonna TRY to not pay attention to my Dad's comments. But sooner or later, I'm gonna blow up on him just like I did with my Mom. I respect. But once you start getting on my fucking nerves, I'll hold out a little longer, until I can't anymore, and then I'll blow up. And I'm gonna do the same with David. I won't be able to hold out much longer. Trust me.
Pray for me guys, please. Pray that I get a job. Soon. Please! I'm desperate!!!
Monday, May 3, 2010
Happy "Birthiversary" To Me!
I've always had bad luck around my birthday. 4 days after my 16th birthday, I broke my femur bone. The hardest bone of the body to break, I broke it.
My 18th birthday, my mom ruined it for me.
Now, 5 days before my 20th birthday, and my 2 year anniversary, David and I break up. I think I'm cursed.
It was bound to happen, you know. We just don't get along, anymore. We only ask e.o things, and have sex. I tell him what's going on with my dad, because I have no one else to talk to, besides you guys.
I found a girls number in his phone, that was never there before, but he says he doesn't know who it belongs to. This morning, he got a call, and left the room. I was still asleep. He took a shower, and said he was going to his friends house.
I call him when I wake up, and he says that his friend, Elias, got a phone call from one of his friends. You see, Elias has a girlfriend, but he's cheating on her. So, one of the girls he's cheating on his gf with, called David. Elias told the girl not to call him on his phone. So, he used David's. How would you feel about that?
David told me what happened, and then I said, "You sure it wasn't Maria?" Maria is the number in his phone. Then he starts cursing and yelling at me, and says he couldn't take it anymore, and that he doesn't want to be with me. I told him I didn't want to be with him, either. I decided this a while ago, IDK why I didn't have the balls to tell him. I think it was for Jaslin, but 2 people can't stay together if we don't get along, regardless if we have a kid together. He also said that he's happy that I came out with that, because he now sees "the real me", and he doesn't live on the cloud anymore. He also called me crazy.
He said he was holding out for Jaslin, which I already knew. He also said that I'm not in love with him, but obsessed with him. I am NOT obsessed. I'm soooo happy we're not together anymore. I was tired of the bullshit, the verbal abuse, him not appreciating me, and taking me for granted, him not being here.
I also found out why he every time I ask to go out with him, he says no. I called him out on that. Whenever I would ask him to do something with me, like go out if we had money, you know, go out on a date, with Jaslin, of course, he'd say no. But then, his friends would call him, and he'd practically RUN over there. He said, "Obviously! You think I want to go out with you?! You fuck with me too much!" So, he doesn't like going out with me.
I'll admit I argued with him a lot. But because of the reasons you just read. I never accused him of cheating on me, except when I saw that number. But I never trusted him.
He said it, and he's right. We don't trust each other, we lie to each other, and we don't communicate. He lies about stupid things, when if he would just tell me the truth, I wouldn't be mad about it. He thinks I'd be mad about it, so he lies to me. I lie to him about the computer. He doesn't know I have a blog, so when he comes around, I have to stop typing, and change the tab on my web browser. I also have a guy best friend who lives in NY. David is jealous as hell. He thinks every guy around wants to fuck me. Not true. I'm not that pretty. So, he'd accuse me of something I'm not even doing. Like cheating. He even said that I talk to guys on the computer on Facebook. Not true. I have guy friends, whom I went to school with. Other than my best friend, I don't talk to ANY ONE. And, he also said that he's caught me typing, because he looks in through the window, and when he comes in, the same window he saw on the computer, wouldn't be there, and he'd ask what I'm doing, and I'd say I was reading. The window is RIGHT over my head. So, it was most likely him seeing me type a new blog post, or talking to my best friend.
He doesn't believe me. So, whatever. It's over. And I'm relieved about it. Now, I'm just not sure if I should stay here, or stay with my Dad. I think I'm going to stay here, because I don't like being at my Dad's house, anymore.
So yes people, after 2 LOOOOONG MISERABLE YEARS, I'M FINALLY SINGLE!!!!!!
IDK if this is going to change. I'll let you know what happens.
My 18th birthday, my mom ruined it for me.
Now, 5 days before my 20th birthday, and my 2 year anniversary, David and I break up. I think I'm cursed.
It was bound to happen, you know. We just don't get along, anymore. We only ask e.o things, and have sex. I tell him what's going on with my dad, because I have no one else to talk to, besides you guys.
I found a girls number in his phone, that was never there before, but he says he doesn't know who it belongs to. This morning, he got a call, and left the room. I was still asleep. He took a shower, and said he was going to his friends house.
I call him when I wake up, and he says that his friend, Elias, got a phone call from one of his friends. You see, Elias has a girlfriend, but he's cheating on her. So, one of the girls he's cheating on his gf with, called David. Elias told the girl not to call him on his phone. So, he used David's. How would you feel about that?
David told me what happened, and then I said, "You sure it wasn't Maria?" Maria is the number in his phone. Then he starts cursing and yelling at me, and says he couldn't take it anymore, and that he doesn't want to be with me. I told him I didn't want to be with him, either. I decided this a while ago, IDK why I didn't have the balls to tell him. I think it was for Jaslin, but 2 people can't stay together if we don't get along, regardless if we have a kid together. He also said that he's happy that I came out with that, because he now sees "the real me", and he doesn't live on the cloud anymore. He also called me crazy.
He said he was holding out for Jaslin, which I already knew. He also said that I'm not in love with him, but obsessed with him. I am NOT obsessed. I'm soooo happy we're not together anymore. I was tired of the bullshit, the verbal abuse, him not appreciating me, and taking me for granted, him not being here.
I also found out why he every time I ask to go out with him, he says no. I called him out on that. Whenever I would ask him to do something with me, like go out if we had money, you know, go out on a date, with Jaslin, of course, he'd say no. But then, his friends would call him, and he'd practically RUN over there. He said, "Obviously! You think I want to go out with you?! You fuck with me too much!" So, he doesn't like going out with me.
I'll admit I argued with him a lot. But because of the reasons you just read. I never accused him of cheating on me, except when I saw that number. But I never trusted him.
He said it, and he's right. We don't trust each other, we lie to each other, and we don't communicate. He lies about stupid things, when if he would just tell me the truth, I wouldn't be mad about it. He thinks I'd be mad about it, so he lies to me. I lie to him about the computer. He doesn't know I have a blog, so when he comes around, I have to stop typing, and change the tab on my web browser. I also have a guy best friend who lives in NY. David is jealous as hell. He thinks every guy around wants to fuck me. Not true. I'm not that pretty. So, he'd accuse me of something I'm not even doing. Like cheating. He even said that I talk to guys on the computer on Facebook. Not true. I have guy friends, whom I went to school with. Other than my best friend, I don't talk to ANY ONE. And, he also said that he's caught me typing, because he looks in through the window, and when he comes in, the same window he saw on the computer, wouldn't be there, and he'd ask what I'm doing, and I'd say I was reading. The window is RIGHT over my head. So, it was most likely him seeing me type a new blog post, or talking to my best friend.
He doesn't believe me. So, whatever. It's over. And I'm relieved about it. Now, I'm just not sure if I should stay here, or stay with my Dad. I think I'm going to stay here, because I don't like being at my Dad's house, anymore.
So yes people, after 2 LOOOOONG MISERABLE YEARS, I'M FINALLY SINGLE!!!!!!
IDK if this is going to change. I'll let you know what happens.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Busy, busy, busy
The next two weeks will be busy. Well, not busy really. I'll be doing pretty much the same thing I do everyday. Taking care of Jay, cleaning, cooking, smoking cigarettes, and sitting on my fat ass (pun intended. i have a nice butt.). It's busy in the way that theres a quite a few special days coming up this week, then next week I WILL be busy.
Tuesday: May 4th
My dad's 39th birthday. I have NOT ONE CLUE what the hell in the world I should get him. NOT ONE! A box of condoms? I think it's too late for that, anyway. He still hasn't told me if Rosa has gotten her period. Which means that she hasn't gotten it. Which means SHE IS PREGNANT!!! HYPOCRITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, sorry. I didn't mean it towards you. I meant it towards him. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!
Anywho, since we don't talk that often, I never get a chance to ask him what he would like for his birthday. He clearly doesn't need Viagra. (du-dum-dum-psh. if thats how the drums sound after you make a joke.) I know he NEEDS some work clothes. And some non-work shirts, well and pants. But, he's so busy with -ahem- other things that he never has time to buy himself something nice. Nor the money. I wonder why. I had money today. But, if you follow me on twitter (does anyone know how to put links here? without the link. idk how to explain. when they say click here, or whatever?) you'll know that I went shopping today-well yesterday since it is now 12:01 am. I was going to get him some socks for work, but I decided against it. Why? Because I won't see him on his birthday anyways. He'll be working. And I'll be sitting where I am now. What would you get your dad if he was turning 39, engaged to a 23 year-old, who has an almost 4 month-old baby, and is possibly, most likely pregnant again??? ANY AND ALL SUGGESTIONS WILL BE A GREAT HELP, THANKS!
Sidenote: If you follow me on twitter, you'll also know that I use the real names, so from now on, I'm going to use real names. Wth, right?
Friday: May 7th
MIGHT be meeting up with my dad, and maybe his fiance, and David, and Jaslin (my hubby's and little girl's real names. Jaslin is pronounced exactly how its spelled. Like Jasmine but with an L, and without and E.) for a dinner. Why? You might be asking? Or maybe your not asking that. Maybe you don't even care. Well, I'm gonna tell you anyway! To celebrate our birthdays. I wonder how thats gonna go if it even happens.
Saturday: May 8th
MY (drum-roll please)....WAIT FOR IT...................WAIT FOR IT.............................NOT JUST YET.........................ALMOST THERE...............................20TH BIRTHDAY!
Yes, you read that right. TWENTY. And I feel old. I wish I could be 18 again, and stay that age. FOREVER! Well, with my daughter, of course. But without all my mama drama. But with my pre-baby bod ;). I had a nice body, yo. But I don't regret it.
Anywhooooo's, its not only my birthday, but its my 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!!!! This will be the longest relationship I have ever had! And the longest relationship that David has ever had. Cute, right? We're taking e.o's 2 yr. anniversary virginities ;). Its also cute that it falls on my birthday. I'll get to how that happened in a minute-you know, how my birthday and anniversary fall on the same day, duh.
Sunday: May 9th
MOTHER´S DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! My 2nd Mother's Day, ever. Last year, wasn't so good. David had just gotten his PS3, PLUS he was HUNGOVER!!! His friend invited him to a club to celebrate her birthday (she's like 30 something and has i think like 4 kids, and he went with a lot of GUYS, so i wasn't worried. well i was at first, i didn't want him to go, but i let him. i would have gone, too, but i don't trust ANYONE with my baby, except for my MIL, and David.), and it was the day after my 19th birthday, but he came home around 4am, therefore, it was already Mother's Day. Also, we didn't do anything, or go anywhere. His cousin (The Super) kept asking him to do stuff, or they would talk about BULLSHIT, and by the time they finished, it was too late to do anything. Also, on my last birthday, David had to work. Nice, huh?
Then, after all of that, Jaslin has to get a shot, we have a WIC appointment, and I have a dentist appointment for my braces. Yes, I have braces (and glasses). I've had them for almost 3 years. I haven't had a check-up since I moved to PR, because the health insurance here doesn't cover it, and its EXPENSIVE. In NY, my insurance paid for EVERYTHING. Sucks when I don't have a job. But I want to take the bitches off already. Unfortunately, I can't. I have a chain INSIDE of my gum hooked onto my right K-9 tooth. I was a late bloomer-well at least with my teeth. I had both of my K-9's PULLED when I was 16. My left K-9 was already coming out ON TOP of the baby tooth. My right one has yet to come down. I have had that God-forsaken chain for almost 3 years, as well. It's what you might call a "lazy tooth". And every month, I would have to get the chain PULLED. Doesn't hurt so much when it's being pulled. It's AFTER when it hurts my front teeth. But I'm so sick of having braces already.
I get food stuck all in-between. I can't bite into apples. Not like I like them. I only eat them with peanut butter (yummy), but it sucks. And at the moment, the wire is loose. It annoys me when it moves. It's a yucky feeling. My smile is also kinda lop-sided now, too. I used to have a pretty smile. I still do, but I think I look funny. And it happened after they put in that damn chain. It required me being put to sleep, and many stitches. It hurt like a bitch after the numbing medicine wore off. But they gave me pain killers. I only took them once. It only hurt like a bitch the first day. But I ate and drank funny for about a week.
Anywho, back to 2008. When David and I first met, I had a boyfriend. I thought Alvin (thats his real name) was The One. At 17. He broke up with me twice. ON MYSPACE. IDK why the fuck I wanted him back. But thanks to his "best-friend" who wanted to fuck me btw, and his "best-friend's" girl friend (yes, they were together at the time that his bff wanted to fuck me), I got over him. He cheated on me. REPETITIVELY. With like 4 different girls. (I got checked afterwards, and I was clean, thank God.) He was also a pathological liar. He would have "black-outs", and he also had a double personality. DP MY ASS! And the black-outs were fake. Nice best friend, huh? His best friend also tried to kiss me. While his gf was like 20 feet away!!!! They were both (Alvin's bff and his bff's gf. confusing?) trying to get me with their mutual friend! I told her this, too. She stopped talking to me, and now has a daughter with him.
Back to the story. David and I were friends while I was with Alvin. We NEVER did anything while I was with Alvin. Not even kiss on the cheek. Alvin was the FIRST guy I was faithful to since my first boyfriend. I wasn't even faithful to my first boyfriend. The boys liked me, and I liked the boys. I actually cheated on a previous boyfriend with Alvin. Then I got with Alvin, I was faithful, and the mother fucker cheated on me. So after Alvin and I broke up, I told David I didn't want a relationship right away. We could mess around, but it wasn't gonna go further than that for a while. That was in late February 2008. We didn't kiss until mid-March. On our first date. He leaned in to kiss me on the cheek, and I turned my head. (what? i thought he was trying to kiss me on the lips, so i helped. he was too shy.) We would get all touchy-feely, but we never had sex. Until the first week of April. 3 weeks after our first kiss. (I waited long enough, right?) Shit. He's home. Looks like I'll finish this post tmrw.
NVM! He left to go to the store. I need milk. I have heartburn.
Anyways, the first time we had sex, like I wrote before, he came in me. I was shocked. But we talked about it, and I wanted him to keep doing it. I told him that I was almost ready to be his girlfriend.
While I was with Alvin, he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I felt bad that I had to tell him no. But, I thought Alvin and I would last.
He already knew that April 25th, 2008, I'd be going to PR for a 10-day vacation. I was going to see my dad for the first time in 6 years! I went back to NY the day after my dad's birthday. (may 5th) Before I went, I still wasn't his girlfriend. But he was already telling me he loved me, and a few days before I went to PR, I told him I was in love with him. That same day, I told him what I wanted for my birthday. I wanted him to ask me to be his girlfriend. Thats it. I wanted him to come to my house early, spend the day with me, and ask me to be his girlfriend.
Sidenote: On the Saturday before I went to PR, is the day I got pregnant (I think. It could have been any day after my eggs started comin' down). The next day, I got my period, so I thought I wasn't pregnant. But in May, I missed my period. I actually found out right when my period was supposed to come down, because I had all the symptoms.
I went to PR, and when I went back to NY, he was there to pick me up from the airport.
May 8th, 2008:
It was just past 12:01 am. I get a phone call. From Alvin. I didn't want to talk to that mother fucker. He didn't know that I knew about his cheating ways. He didn't find out till after I was pregnant. He was the first one to tell me "Happy Birthday". Even though I was sitting on David's lap. We hung up quick, because he "wanted me to keep on doing what I was doing with David" aka The Sex. We weren't having sex.
A few minutes later, he got up to leave (he was jealous, only i didn't know, and he didn't show it.). It was in between 12:06 am and 12:15 am. I can't remember the time exactly. I THINK it was 12:07 am. I was sitting on a wooden chair. David got on one knee, and I thought he was tying his shoe or something, and asked me to be his girlfriend. I obviously said yes.
He became my boyfriend that night. Soon after, I found out I was pregnant. We don't waste time, right?!
And that's the story of my birthday and anniversary being on the same day.
Can't wait till next yr. If you look at a 2011 calendar, May 8th falls on a Sunday. My birthday, our anniversary, AND Mother's Day fall on THE EXACT SAME DAY! Talk about a home run!
I wonder what we're going to do for my birthiversary. New word! hehe.
Next Post: I have no clue. Whatever comes up in my life, I guess. Or....if you have any suggestions my fellow readers, or have any questions, or would like some advice, I'd be MORE than happy to respond to your requests. I'd be honored. =)
Tuesday: May 4th
My dad's 39th birthday. I have NOT ONE CLUE what the hell in the world I should get him. NOT ONE! A box of condoms? I think it's too late for that, anyway. He still hasn't told me if Rosa has gotten her period. Which means that she hasn't gotten it. Which means SHE IS PREGNANT!!! HYPOCRITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, sorry. I didn't mean it towards you. I meant it towards him. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!
Anywho, since we don't talk that often, I never get a chance to ask him what he would like for his birthday. He clearly doesn't need Viagra. (du-dum-dum-psh. if thats how the drums sound after you make a joke.) I know he NEEDS some work clothes. And some non-work shirts, well and pants. But, he's so busy with -ahem- other things that he never has time to buy himself something nice. Nor the money. I wonder why. I had money today. But, if you follow me on twitter (does anyone know how to put links here? without the link. idk how to explain. when they say click here, or whatever?) you'll know that I went shopping today-well yesterday since it is now 12:01 am. I was going to get him some socks for work, but I decided against it. Why? Because I won't see him on his birthday anyways. He'll be working. And I'll be sitting where I am now. What would you get your dad if he was turning 39, engaged to a 23 year-old, who has an almost 4 month-old baby, and is possibly, most likely pregnant again??? ANY AND ALL SUGGESTIONS WILL BE A GREAT HELP, THANKS!
Sidenote: If you follow me on twitter, you'll also know that I use the real names, so from now on, I'm going to use real names. Wth, right?
Friday: May 7th
MIGHT be meeting up with my dad, and maybe his fiance, and David, and Jaslin (my hubby's and little girl's real names. Jaslin is pronounced exactly how its spelled. Like Jasmine but with an L, and without and E.) for a dinner. Why? You might be asking? Or maybe your not asking that. Maybe you don't even care. Well, I'm gonna tell you anyway! To celebrate our birthdays. I wonder how thats gonna go if it even happens.
Saturday: May 8th
MY (drum-roll please)....WAIT FOR IT...................WAIT FOR IT.............................NOT JUST YET.........................ALMOST THERE...............................20TH BIRTHDAY!
Yes, you read that right. TWENTY. And I feel old. I wish I could be 18 again, and stay that age. FOREVER! Well, with my daughter, of course. But without all my mama drama. But with my pre-baby bod ;). I had a nice body, yo. But I don't regret it.
Anywhooooo's, its not only my birthday, but its my 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!!!! This will be the longest relationship I have ever had! And the longest relationship that David has ever had. Cute, right? We're taking e.o's 2 yr. anniversary virginities ;). Its also cute that it falls on my birthday. I'll get to how that happened in a minute-you know, how my birthday and anniversary fall on the same day, duh.
Sunday: May 9th
MOTHER´S DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! My 2nd Mother's Day, ever. Last year, wasn't so good. David had just gotten his PS3, PLUS he was HUNGOVER!!! His friend invited him to a club to celebrate her birthday (she's like 30 something and has i think like 4 kids, and he went with a lot of GUYS, so i wasn't worried. well i was at first, i didn't want him to go, but i let him. i would have gone, too, but i don't trust ANYONE with my baby, except for my MIL, and David.), and it was the day after my 19th birthday, but he came home around 4am, therefore, it was already Mother's Day. Also, we didn't do anything, or go anywhere. His cousin (The Super) kept asking him to do stuff, or they would talk about BULLSHIT, and by the time they finished, it was too late to do anything. Also, on my last birthday, David had to work. Nice, huh?
Then, after all of that, Jaslin has to get a shot, we have a WIC appointment, and I have a dentist appointment for my braces. Yes, I have braces (and glasses). I've had them for almost 3 years. I haven't had a check-up since I moved to PR, because the health insurance here doesn't cover it, and its EXPENSIVE. In NY, my insurance paid for EVERYTHING. Sucks when I don't have a job. But I want to take the bitches off already. Unfortunately, I can't. I have a chain INSIDE of my gum hooked onto my right K-9 tooth. I was a late bloomer-well at least with my teeth. I had both of my K-9's PULLED when I was 16. My left K-9 was already coming out ON TOP of the baby tooth. My right one has yet to come down. I have had that God-forsaken chain for almost 3 years, as well. It's what you might call a "lazy tooth". And every month, I would have to get the chain PULLED. Doesn't hurt so much when it's being pulled. It's AFTER when it hurts my front teeth. But I'm so sick of having braces already.
I get food stuck all in-between. I can't bite into apples. Not like I like them. I only eat them with peanut butter (yummy), but it sucks. And at the moment, the wire is loose. It annoys me when it moves. It's a yucky feeling. My smile is also kinda lop-sided now, too. I used to have a pretty smile. I still do, but I think I look funny. And it happened after they put in that damn chain. It required me being put to sleep, and many stitches. It hurt like a bitch after the numbing medicine wore off. But they gave me pain killers. I only took them once. It only hurt like a bitch the first day. But I ate and drank funny for about a week.
Anywho, back to 2008. When David and I first met, I had a boyfriend. I thought Alvin (thats his real name) was The One. At 17. He broke up with me twice. ON MYSPACE. IDK why the fuck I wanted him back. But thanks to his "best-friend" who wanted to fuck me btw, and his "best-friend's" girl friend (yes, they were together at the time that his bff wanted to fuck me), I got over him. He cheated on me. REPETITIVELY. With like 4 different girls. (I got checked afterwards, and I was clean, thank God.) He was also a pathological liar. He would have "black-outs", and he also had a double personality. DP MY ASS! And the black-outs were fake. Nice best friend, huh? His best friend also tried to kiss me. While his gf was like 20 feet away!!!! They were both (Alvin's bff and his bff's gf. confusing?) trying to get me with their mutual friend! I told her this, too. She stopped talking to me, and now has a daughter with him.
Back to the story. David and I were friends while I was with Alvin. We NEVER did anything while I was with Alvin. Not even kiss on the cheek. Alvin was the FIRST guy I was faithful to since my first boyfriend. I wasn't even faithful to my first boyfriend. The boys liked me, and I liked the boys. I actually cheated on a previous boyfriend with Alvin. Then I got with Alvin, I was faithful, and the mother fucker cheated on me. So after Alvin and I broke up, I told David I didn't want a relationship right away. We could mess around, but it wasn't gonna go further than that for a while. That was in late February 2008. We didn't kiss until mid-March. On our first date. He leaned in to kiss me on the cheek, and I turned my head. (what? i thought he was trying to kiss me on the lips, so i helped. he was too shy.) We would get all touchy-feely, but we never had sex. Until the first week of April. 3 weeks after our first kiss. (I waited long enough, right?) Shit. He's home. Looks like I'll finish this post tmrw.
NVM! He left to go to the store. I need milk. I have heartburn.
Anyways, the first time we had sex, like I wrote before, he came in me. I was shocked. But we talked about it, and I wanted him to keep doing it. I told him that I was almost ready to be his girlfriend.
While I was with Alvin, he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I felt bad that I had to tell him no. But, I thought Alvin and I would last.
He already knew that April 25th, 2008, I'd be going to PR for a 10-day vacation. I was going to see my dad for the first time in 6 years! I went back to NY the day after my dad's birthday. (may 5th) Before I went, I still wasn't his girlfriend. But he was already telling me he loved me, and a few days before I went to PR, I told him I was in love with him. That same day, I told him what I wanted for my birthday. I wanted him to ask me to be his girlfriend. Thats it. I wanted him to come to my house early, spend the day with me, and ask me to be his girlfriend.
Sidenote: On the Saturday before I went to PR, is the day I got pregnant (I think. It could have been any day after my eggs started comin' down). The next day, I got my period, so I thought I wasn't pregnant. But in May, I missed my period. I actually found out right when my period was supposed to come down, because I had all the symptoms.
I went to PR, and when I went back to NY, he was there to pick me up from the airport.
May 8th, 2008:
It was just past 12:01 am. I get a phone call. From Alvin. I didn't want to talk to that mother fucker. He didn't know that I knew about his cheating ways. He didn't find out till after I was pregnant. He was the first one to tell me "Happy Birthday". Even though I was sitting on David's lap. We hung up quick, because he "wanted me to keep on doing what I was doing with David" aka The Sex. We weren't having sex.
A few minutes later, he got up to leave (he was jealous, only i didn't know, and he didn't show it.). It was in between 12:06 am and 12:15 am. I can't remember the time exactly. I THINK it was 12:07 am. I was sitting on a wooden chair. David got on one knee, and I thought he was tying his shoe or something, and asked me to be his girlfriend. I obviously said yes.
He became my boyfriend that night. Soon after, I found out I was pregnant. We don't waste time, right?!
And that's the story of my birthday and anniversary being on the same day.
Can't wait till next yr. If you look at a 2011 calendar, May 8th falls on a Sunday. My birthday, our anniversary, AND Mother's Day fall on THE EXACT SAME DAY! Talk about a home run!
I wonder what we're going to do for my birthiversary. New word! hehe.
Next Post: I have no clue. Whatever comes up in my life, I guess. Or....if you have any suggestions my fellow readers, or have any questions, or would like some advice, I'd be MORE than happy to respond to your requests. I'd be honored. =)
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