TMI Thursday: How can such a cute lil thing EAT HER OWN POOP?!

 I am a very forgetful person. You can tell me something one minute, then ask me about it the next minute, and most likely, my brain has completely wiped it out. Yeah, my forgetfulness really bit me in the ass one day. 

Jay was just learning how to walk. She took her first steps exactly 2 weeks before she turned one. Without a walker. She was walking like a pro by the time her first birthday came around.

Anywhooo, one day, Jay was in her play-pen, just minding her own business. I smell something rather nasty. That´s the only way Iĺl know if sheś pooped. I smell it. She won´t cry, or complain. Only if she doesn´t see me. So I get up from my couch, where I´m always sitting, to check on her diaper. What do you know? My nose didn´t fail me. It was fresh out the oven. ;)

I get a diaper, and some wipies, and attack that bad-boy. When I finished cleaning her, I put a fresh diaper on, and keep it moving. I go to the back room to smoke a cigarette with Canito, and I notice that Jay is very quiet. That´s unusual for babies. Trust me. If your baby is suddenly quiet, unless theyŕe sleeping, you better go check on them. And thatś exactly what I did. I check on her.

What do I discover? My beautiful, precious little thing COVERED IN HER OWN SHIT. I, stupidly, and forgetfully, left the shitty diaper in her play-pen! But all I could do was laugh. Well first I gasped. It went something like this: *GASP!* OH MY GOD, JAY WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? (CRACKING UP). I just couldn't help myself. I laughed, and called Canito. I picked her up, and handed her to Canito, so he could put her in the shower while I clean her shitty play-pen. There was shit EVERYWHERE. On her doll, on her pillow, on her PACIFIER! I cleaned it all up, then sprayed it with some Odo-Ban to get rid of the smell. It was disgusting.

I then went to the shower, and told Canito he could leave. I notice that she had shit smudged on her face, and on her chin. I tell her, ¨Now you really are a ¨come mierda¨.¨ "come mierda" means shit-eater in spanish, but we say it when a person is conceited. Jay is very conceited. She LOVES to look at herself in the mirror, therefore calling her a "come mierda". So I tell her that, and I start cracking up, again. I clean her top to shitty bottom, well, and shitty feet. Even after I cleaned her with soap and water, she still smelled like shit. I had to scrub her, so she wouldn't stink anymore. Poor thing had shit all over her. It was hard for me not to gag. I can't imagine how she was feeling!

That wasn't the last time either. But I'll leave it for next Thursday. ;)

I think I have depression....

I think I have deleted this same post like 3 times already. I write something, then I don´t like how the WHOLE thing came out, and I delete it. IDK what´s wrong with me lately. Ever since my dad has been treating me the way he is, and criticizing me, I´ve been down in the dumps. All I wanna do is sleep. I procrastinate like CRAZY. I don´t want to do anything, or deal with anybody. And that started after my dad started saying those things to me. Thatś why I haven´t posted lately...and also because Canito has been home. 
But, today I woke up feeling GREAT! I washed clothes, cleaned the fans, cleaned the house a little bit. I even woke up earlier than I usually do. Not that early compared to other people, but I usually wake up around 10:30am-12pm, and today I woke up at 9:30am. Right away I got moving. IDK why I feel better, but I do. I LOVE IT!!!! 

Anywho... I spent the past weekend with my dad. From Friday-Sunday. Without Canito. Hereś why: 
Thursday night, my dad called me to ask if we could go over on Friday to clean his house. His future mother-in-law was going over Friday night for the first time. We said sure. Friday morning, my dad called me again, and suggests that we stay over, because he was sure that his FMIL would love to meet us. I said I´d ask Canito to see what he wanted to do. I talked to Canito about it, but he refused. He doesn´t really like being over there ever since my dad has treated us differently. I don´t blame him. I don´t like being over there, either. BUT I went, and stayed so my dad wouldn´t complain that we never go over there. I met his FMIL, and she was really sweet, and I got to spend more time with Rosa. 

Saturday, I was supposed to be going home. I didn´t have more clothes to stay another day. I had underwear, because I always bring extra. But I didn´t have any clothes. Canito told me that he wanted to go horse-back riding. I said ok, let me talk about it with my dad, to see if he could take me to the mall to get clothes. We coordinated, and I decided to stay. Saturday, I was at my dadś house by myself. He left around 5pm to be with Rosa at her job. He didn´t get back till like 10pm almost 11. I enjoyed it tho. =) Also, on Saturday, Canito didn´t have any money. I gave him money so that he could eat, or put gas in the car or whatever, but he spent it all on food. He doesn´t cook when I´m not home. He depends on me too much, lol. So, while Canito and I were on the phone talking about him not having money, my dad was saying, ¨Wait, he doesn´t have any money? Not even for gas? How is he going to come pick you up tomorrow?¨ I just shrugged my shoulders. After we got off the phone, I told my dad that Canito didn´t have any money because he bought some food since he doesn´t cook when Iḿ not home. Then, my dad says, ¨But I don´t understand. Why doesn´t he just........¨ And he cuts himself off. He was going to say, ¨Why doesn´t he just cook?¨ Why? You might be asking. Its as simple as this: HE BUYS FOOD ALL THE TIME! He bought pizza on Friday, he bought MORE food on Saturday when he went to Rosa´s job, and every time they´re together, he buys food. He doesn´t know how to cook, but she does. And he shut himself up, because he KNOWS he does the same thing. And then he´ll complain about me smoking cigarettes, and telling me I need to stop, when it takes me THREE-FOUR DAYS to smoke ONE PACK. And he smokes a pack, sometimes even more in ONE DAY. See the difference? I can quit. I CHOOSE not to, because since I´m always home, I don´t have anything to do. I know its a bad habit, but as soon as I get a job, or start school, I will quit. I do it to kill time. 
Another thing that happened on Saturday morning: Jay and I were on his bed. Jay was playing around with her grandpa, when he says, ¨She´s too skinny.¨ I say, ¨No, sheś just fine. Sheś size 4 diapers, remember?¨ He doesn´t say anything else. He´s going to keep on with these comments, because Rosa jr is almost the same weight as Jay. AT NOT EVEN 4 MONTHS! Jay just turned a year and 3 months yesterday. She´s good for her age. She´s healthy. 

Then, Canito called me to tell me that he sold our tire pump thing to his boss, and I said that was fine with me. I told my dad that he borrowed money from his boss, and he just shook his head in disapproval. He doesn´t approve of anything we do, or buy these days. 

Sunday, my dad went to church, and I stood at his house by myself, until Canito came to pick me up. My dad still wasn´t there. It was like 6:30pm. I was greatful though, because I just wanted to go home. 


On Monday or Tuesday, my dad started complaining about money....again. He was saying how he NEEDED Canito to get a job. Then, he says, ¨I told you I´d help you for a year. It´s been a year already. I need you 2 to start paying for your own things. I can´t anymore.¨ I stood shut, even though that was a LIE. He told me BEFORE HE MET ROSA-WHILE HE WAS STILL WITH HIS EX, IN FACT, WHEN HE NEVER WORRIED ABOUT MONEY, AND HE NEVER BOUGHT THINGS HE DIDN´T NEED, AND HE NEVER ATE OUT- that by 2011, he wanted us to be paying everything ourselves. 2011 isn´t even close. And....WE HAVEN´T EVEN BEEN IN PUERTO RICO FOR A YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I moved here June 4, 2009. Canito came June 27, 2009. And, we didn´t move into this apartment untill SEPTEMBER!!!!!! He´s only saying that because he hardly has money anymore from buying so much bullshit! But whatever. Like I said before, I don´t like living off of his money. I´ve been independent since I was 14. I WANT and NEED a job. I´m just waiting to get my high school diploma, so that way I could get a job. 

And, he used to help out my sister-in-law pay her bills (for SEVEN MONTHS-he even got her a car!), and my mother-in-law if she ever asked for anything, and he´d even help Canito with his child support if he didn´t have the money. Now, he doesn´t do ANY. It is his money. But since he has a new step-daughter, and is engaged, everything revolves around them. I´m not jealous. Please don´t interpret this as jealousy. I couldn´t care less. Iḿ just tired of his complaining, and criticism! 


Oh, you want to know something interesting? You know how my dad was complaining about birth control, and the whole, ¨Stephanie, you don´t understand the importance of you not getting pregnant. You can´t right now. Your not understanding that if you get pregnant, I can´t help you out anymore than I already am."? Well, turns out, Rosa is most likely pregnant. THEY´VE BEEN DATING FOR LIKE 2 MONTHS! THEY´RE ALREADY ENGAGED, SHE HAS A NOT EVEN 4 MONTH OLD DAUGHTER, AND SHE´S MOST LIKELY PREGNANT! 
She´s like a week late. This came up over the weekend, too. I asked my dad if Rosa was usually regular with her period, and he said yes. Then, when we talk, I ask him if she´s gotten her period yet, and he´ll say, ¨Not yet. She has the symptoms, though, so maybe tonight, or tomorrow.¨ Yesterday, he told me the EXACT SAME SENTENCE!! And I told him, ¨Papi, you know you´ve been telling me the exact same thing for about a week now, right?¨ ¨(laughing) Yeah, I know. But only because she´s been telling me the same thing¨, he says. 
me: period symptoms, and pregnancy symptoms are very similar. i´ve been through it twice, and she once. i´d know.
him: i know.
OH! And she´s been craving chicken and french-fries. She craved the EXACT SAME THING while she was pregnant with Rosa jr. Nice, huh? So all the bullshit, and criticism he´s been giving me, only turns around and BITES HIM IN THE ASS! Thatś being such a hypocrite, don´t you think? 


(Please note, that I don´t have ANY problems with Rosa. She hasn´t done anything wrong. It´s my dad. Now that he´s all happy, and in love, he sees my daughter differently, and he´s treating me differently. But that´s all him. Not her.)


I´m so sick of hearing him complain about everything, and criticize me. About money, about not getting pregnant, about Jay being too skinny. WTF is up with that? 


It has put a damper on my mood lately. So much so, that for EVERYTHING I cry! Yesterday, Canito told me he was going to go see the horse races, and I started CRYING. Just because he told me that! THINKING about crying makes me want to cry. Thinking about the pounds I want to lose, makes me cry. Thinking or talking about the shit my dad has said to me, makes me cry. Thinking about being broke, and not even having the money to get my daughter things that she needs, or I want to buy her, makes me cry. Thats the main one. It makes me feel HORRIBLE that I don´t have the money to get my daughter new toys, or onsies, because she needs them. Or another pair of shoes, some clothes. I can´t get it. If my dad asks if I need anything, I´ll say ¨no¨, or tell him small things like deodorant, or toilet paper, or diaper rash cream, so it won´t be too expensive. And even then, Iĺl just use the debit card he puts money in, to buy the things we need. And I try so hard not to spend more than like $20-$30 at a time. If it comes out more than that, I´ll say to myself, ¨I shouldn´t have bought that. I could´ve gotten it next week.¨ For things we NEED. Because I don´t want to hear him complain about money!!!!!!! If I don´t use the debit card, heĺl tell me that I can use the Visa. I DO NOT under any circumstances touch the Visa, unless he tells me to. EVER. 

It´s been so bad, that I REGRET moving to Puerto Rico. I think that we were better off in NY. Canito had a job-a GOOD PAYING job. I still had child-support coming in. And even then, if I hadn´t gotten child-support, Canito´s job would have helped. We could have saved up, and moved to another state, where it´s cheaper. 
After I came here, Canito got so desperate from me not being there, we had NO CHOICE but to move here. If he could have waited TWO MORE WEEKS, or if I wouldn´t have come here in the first place, we would have still been in NY. And I would have been fine with that. We would at least have had money. Jay would have EVERYTHING she needed, or wanted. If only......




Since I haven´t posted lately, I´m also going to post a TMI Thursday. 


Sidenote: Just writing-well...typing- and thinking about all of this has really put a damper on my mood. I wish I would have never come here for a vacation. I think we would have been better off............
Do you guys think that I´m over-reacting, or being self-centered, or jealous? I need some advice. Even I think I´m over-reacting, I´m just venting it out. I just really wish I would have never come to PR. I HATE being broke, and hearing him bitch.

Comments II

I fixed the comments! I posted comments on previous posts, replying back to you fellow readers. If it STILL hasn't posted, please let me know, and I'll figure something out. I will win this comment war I have with my own blog! Lol.

Thanks for reading!

My First TMI Thursday...Prepare Yourselves ;)

I've never done a TMI Thursday before. IDK why. Maybe because I just found out about it? And, I embarrass easily. Even if you don't know me. But I'm gonna give it a shot! To hell with embarrassment!



                YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!! 

I can't mix my meats. Even though if I'm at a buffet, and I'm eating chicken, and I seem some finger-lickin' good ribs, I can't eat it. Why? You might be asking. I get sick. 

I get this DISGUSTING burp, a TERRIBLE stomach ache, and I just want to cry. 

This started when I was 14. My FIRST DAY WORKING! I felt HORRIBLE. But I couldn't go home. I rode the cheese bus to go to work, and to go home. I was stuck there. It happened quite a few times after that day as well, but I never knew the cause of it. I used to be a heavy sun flower seed eater, and I always thought it was that. I don't remember when I realized it was the meats causing it. But I did. And I AVOID mixing my meats like if it was The Black Plague. 

In NY, Canito was making dinner one day, and he made some pork, a tuna salad, and I can't remember what else. I ate it. ALL OF IT. Man, did I regret it the next day!

I woke up with a really bad stomach ache. I went to the bathroom, and thats when the burps started. These burps, IDK what it is about them, but they make me so naucious, and they stink. They smell like something DIED inside of my intestines. Therefore, causing me to have a bad case of diarrhea, and not-so-bad puking.

I tried to make myself puke by using my toothbrush, but to no avail. While I was pregnant, and the ONLY 2 times I had morning sickness, my toothbrush worked. Not in this case.


 I prayed to God to just make me throw up, because thats the ONLY WAY I'll feel better. I go back to bed, and try to forget about the pain, and the burps, and I fall asleep. Then, I wake up abruptly. 


BLLLLAAAAAAAAA. BLLLLAAAAAAAAAA. 


The worst smelling puke EVER. At least I think so.


Did I feel better? Hell no. Still had those God-forsaken burps. I close the bag, and get a new one, because I was bound to puke again. I went back to sleep.


I woke up, yet again, with the same about-to-puke feeling. Then, BLLAAAAAAA. BLLLAAAAAAAAA. I got it out of my system, thankfully.

Canito was up, so he went to get me ginger-ale. I still had that after-puke (kinda sounds like after-shave, huh?) taste, and burp, but not the DEATH BURP. 


While Canito was getting me my ginger-ale, my tummy started a-rumblin'. I tried to fart, but instead, I ended up doo-dooing my panties. But, oh no! My daughter was awake. I couldn't just leave her there. What if she started crying? I thought-and I had to think fast, because I was about to diarrhea on myself...again- "Where in the world can I put her? Her bath chair? Her bath-tub? Fuck it, I need to go!!!"


I grabbed her, and a pair of panties, and I ran to the bathroom. I did NOT know where in the world I could set her down so I could pull my doo-doo-ey pants down. Then, I saw the hamper. Now, before you get all Judgey McJudgey Pants on me, might I add that I NEEDED TO DIARRHEA!!! The hamper was the ONLY place in the bathroom where I could put her. I was NOT going to put her on that floor. Where we were staying at, the house was ALWAYS filthy (thanks to The Super's wife). So, hell no. I think the hamper was cleaner than the floor.


I set her down on the hamper, pulled down my crappy pants (literally), grabbed her, and let it gooooooooooooo.


I had to hide my panties, because I DID NOT want Canito to see the awful image. Thankfully, Canito comes home, and since he didn't see me, nor the baby, he went to the bathroom to see what was going on. I told him, "I diarrhea-d myself." And he laughs at me, and says, "Poor Jay had to smell that." I tell him, "I know! But she was up, and what if she had started crying? Now go! I need to keep diarrhea-ing." 
And it just kept on a-comin'. After I was done, I felt a hell-of-a-lot better. I drank the ginger-ale, and layed down. All I wanted to do was sleep. Jay usually fell asleep after Canito would leave to work, so thankfully, I was able to get some shut-eye.
But then, I farted, and I KNEW that if I pushed too hard, I'd be shitted (literally). I ran to the bathroom again, (Jay was asleep) and let it goooooooooo.......again.


I went back to sleep, and felt a lot better. I kept drinking ginger-ale, I didn't eat that much, and whatever I did, came out as fast as it went in. 


So yes, people. I CANNOT mix my meats. I AVOID any other type of meat, if I have already consumed one. I have to wait AT LEAST an hour, before eating something different. And even then, just to be safe, I wait like 5. 
I can eat chicken, and some fake crab. Or shrimp. It's not a meat, its fish (well in the case of the fake crab- fake fish). But mixing my meats comes out with a BAAAAAAD outcome. Just ask my shitted panties. ;) 


Now, that was enough TMI for today, dontchathink? I hope you weren't eating while reading this. If so, that was SO ON YOU! Not my fault. You were warned. ;)


P.S. Happy Earth Day. I would have TRIED to save the planet today, by shitting..oops, I mean shUtting (sorry) everything off for an hour, but it was just TOO DAMN HOT. I needed my fans. It was so humid, and sticky. Sticky, like if you were having a competition to see who could get the most caramel, or honey all over their bodies the fastest. THAT sticky, and hot, and humid. So yeah, I just couldn't. I can't live without my fans. A/C is too expensive, so we have the fans on LITERALLY 24/7, except if we go out. I know, its horrible. But YOU try living in PR. We're close to the Equator!

Next Post: I was actually able to tell my dad that Jay is size 4 in diapers! In our 2 min and 59 sec. conversation! Literally! Wanna know his response? Tune in, and you'll find out! ;)
 

Comments

Sorry guys. I can't leave comments on my page. IDK why. I'll figure it out sooner or later.
J~ thank you for the advice. I'm going to take it into consideration about talking to him. I think if he keeps criticizing me, I definitely will. And don't worry you didn't sound abrassive, lol.

Anon- You might be right about stooping down to her level. As for my aunt, she did start drinking waaayyyyy before all of that happened, then stopped when she was taking care of my neice, then started again after the whole incident happend. You know, my mom lieing about my cousin being in danger, then my aunt going to pick her up. My mother is a bitch. Plain and simple, lol. But you are also right about her playing the victim. She's always going to stick up for that asshole, and then its probably going to stir up old emotions, and get me depressed and angry all over again.

Thanks for the comments guys. Untill I find out how to post a comment on my own page, I'll just have to post. =/ lol

He LIED to me!

Yes folks, you read that title right. But whom? You might be asking? Remember my last post, where I told you guys that my dad had called my aunt, and it seemed like he called her just to ask what my daughter should be eating? Well, turns out that was a BIG FAT LIE!!!!!!!

Let me 'splain....
Yesterday (Monday, for those of you who read this late), Canito, Jay and I went to my Grandma's (♥) house. I hadn't seen her in like 2 weeks. And my aunt lives with her, as well as my aunt's husband, and their 8 month old son. We were talking, having a good time. We're a close family, so we LOVE spending time together. My aunt, to me, is more like a sister than an aunt. We were sitting down, and eating dinner, and the conversation led to my dad, his new girlfriend, and that "call" he made to my other aunt in NJ. 


We started telling them the conversations that my dad and I have been having, and how they're never more than 5 minutes in duration, how he calls me less, and now when he calls me, its usually to criticize me. I also told them how Jay HATES baby food. She will not eat them unless I put it in a plate, and let her have at it by herself. But, she doesn't eat all of it. She makes more of a mess on her high chair, and on herself than she actually eats. We then told them about the so called "phone call" that my dad made to my aunt in NJ. 


My 2 aunts are BEST FRIENDS. They talk every day, more than once a day. My aunt told me that it wasn't true. My dad never called Aunt NJ. Aunt NJ would have told Aunt PR. I was stunned. Why would my dad lie about that? 


I told them about the conversation we had, and how that supposedly Aunt NJ told my dad that my daughter has to eat her baby food. Aunt PR said that Auny NJ would NEVER tell me that. Aunt NJ has a 6 month old daughter. She has never -and I repeat- NEVER given her daughter baby food. She buys frozen veggies, and blends them up herself. I said that I was giving Jay canned veggies (thank goodness not for long), and Aunt PR said that's not good, because cans have BPA. Thats not good. Now, I'm not exactly sure what BPA is, (gotta google it ;).) but I do know that its very unhealthy for babies. That's why when your looking for bottles, or pacifiers, etc, you want to make sure that the label says, "BPA FREE." Aunt PR then told me that not even her son likes baby food, so she makes his food, blends it up, and he LOVES it. 


If you look at the labels on baby food, they're not so healthy. Carrots alone have A LOT of sodium. I also told them what he was telling me about Rosa jr. already eating baby food. Like I said before, babies have little holes in their stomachs (said by my Aunt NJ-the pediatrician), that makes it difficult for them to digest anything that isn't breast milk, or formula. I also told them, that I told my dad just that. Rosa jr. SHOULD NOT be eating baby foods just yet. If you remember his response: "Well, she's eating baby foods for babies that are 3 months." I told Aunt PR that, she said, "BUT THERE'S NO SUCH THING!" I have NEVER heard my aunt curse before, but I think what I was telling her yesterday about my dad really pissed her off. She actually cursed. (!) And I told them how Rosa jr. is already size 3 diapers (16-28 lbs), and she's only 3 months. Even they said that she's going to have A LOT of health problems growing up. She can't digest that food properly. My aunt was HEATED. I also told them that almost every conversation my dad and I have, I hang up crying, because he's always criticizing me, and he never used to do that before he got with Rosa. And now, he compares Rosa jr. to Jay. Even she said that you should hold out on baby foods, and cereals as long as possible. Only when your pediatrician says that your baby can eat food should you feed him/her baby foods or cereals. And even then, try to make them at home. Buy frozen or fresh veggies and fruit, and blend them. I can assure you that they'll like them a hell of a lot better than baby food. And season them the same way you'd season your own food- babies don't like tasteless, bland food- and neither do we.


I felt a hell of a lot better after I talked to them. I even feel more confident about my mothering skills. Today, I went food shopping, and I bought a lot of vegetables, and fruits, and I'm going to cook the vegetables and give them to Jay. And with the fruits, I'm going to make her smoothies. With COW'S MILK. Since she's a year, she should be drinking cow's milk. I read on babycenter.com yesterday that she NEEDS it. And I can start with a small amount. I'll blend it all together, and that can be her night-time bottle.


So, yes folks. My dad LIED to me about calling Aunt NJ. He only said that so I can do with Jay what Rosa is doing with Rosa jr. I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT. I'd rather listen to my aunt's, and my grandma, about how to feed my child before I listen to my dad. That was just mean, what he did. I understand that he worries about Jay, but I think I'm a good mom, and I'm raising her the right way. I'm going to start -and keep- doing what my aunt suggested, and make her food. Including meat, and some fish. She's old enough for all of that. And guess what? SHE'S SIZE 4 IN DIAPERS!!!
Wait till my dad hears that! Well... that is if we even talk for more than 5 minutes, I can actually tell him. If not, well then, he'll figure it out sooner or later. 


IDK if I can trust my dad anymore. The situation might seem small, but with my history (see earlier posts about my mom), once you lie to me about something near and dear to my heart, "te cagaste", which means you shitted, or in other words, you fucked up. I don't appreciate him criticizing me about my daughter, and/or lieing to me, just so I can do with my daughter what Rosa is doing with hers. NO BABY IS ALIKE. My daughter is healthy (thank God), but Rosa jr. won't be as healthy as Jay. And that's because I waited to give her baby food. 


If you have a kid, FOLLOW THE DOCTOR'S INSTRUCTIONS. Unless the instructions are just down-right stupid, or you don't agree with them. But remember, babies can't eat everything we do at such a young a age. 
              ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What should I write about in my next post? It's your choice. Just leave a comment, suggesting something, or asking a question, and I'll answer it to the best of my knowledge. (or I'll just google it.) ;) JUST KIDDING! LOL. Sort of. =) Happy Tuesday night, or Wednesday, or whenever you read this. =D

I feel like I'm losing my dad...to his 23 y.o fiance =/

My dad started dating Rosa about a month and a half ago, if it has even been that long. In about 2 weeks, he was already in love. About a week after that, he proposed. And she obviously said yes. Rosa has a 3 month-old baby. Rosa jr weighs just about as much as Jay does. And Jay is a year and almost 3 months old. After my dad proposed, things between he and I have gone down-hill. Especially after I met her.
We got along great, but then a few days after I met her, my dad started criticizing my daughter's eating habits. She doesn't like baby food. She doesn't like the texture. Just like she doesn't like mashed potatoes, either. See the similarity? 
Lately, my dad hasn't called me as much as he used to. Before Rosa came along, my dad and I used to have LONG conversations. I would tell him everything that was going on in my life, then I would post whatever was going on, here. Now, the things I have posted about my mom lately, my dad STILL doesn't know the whole story. I tried talking to him Friday, and he cut me off after not even 5 minutes of talking to him, saying, "I'm sorry, but I didn't call you to have a long conversation. I wanted to see how you guys were doing. I'm busy at work, and I need to call Rosa."

I'm not jealous at all. But I hate that our relationship, and our friendship is changing. 

Two weeks ago, Canito, Jay, and I were at my Grandmother's house, and my dad was there too. He started arguing with me about Jay's eating habit's. Canito and I told him that it wasn't the taste she doesn't like, its the texture. The ONLY baby food that she WILL eat, is applesauce, and bananas. When I tried talking, he said, "Stephanie, your not listening to me." I had to shut up and let him keep criticizing me about how my daughter eats. Since she won't eat the baby food, I put it in her bottle. She's getting the nutrients and vitamins from her formula, as well as the vitamins and nutrients from the baby food. He doesn't see it that way. I try not to argue with him, because I end up losing anyways. He ALWAYS has to have the last word. Whether he's wrong, or right. 

Now, everytime he calls me, he's either complaining that he's broke or tired, or he's criticizing me about the way I'm raising my daughter. I think he doubts my abilities to be a mother since I had her at a young age.  But then again, his fiance is only FOUR YEARS OLDER THAN ME! She'll be 24 this month, and I'll be 20 next month!

The other day, he told me that Rosa jr. was ALREADY eating baby food. AT 3 MONTHS! That is seriously unhealthy. Babies have holes in their stomachs before 6 months, and baby food is harder to digest for them, because of those holes. (and get this: my aunt told me that. [see below for details on my aunt]) I tell him that, and he tells me, "Well she's eating baby food for babies that are 3 months." THERE'S NO SUCH THING!!!! Formula, and breast milk is the ONLY thing your baby should be eating/drinking before 5 months.That's when you can start off with baby cereals. 

Everytime my dad calls me now, I end up in tears. I tell Canito what happened, and he says most likely Rosa is saying things to him, about our parenting skills, and he tells me about them. Now, all he can do is compare my daughter, with her daughter.
He was NEVER bitching about Canito or I not having a job. But now since he has a new girl in his life, he's broke. If it's not from going out with Rosa, its from buying her or her baby things. AND he helps my sister-in-law pay her bills. With my SIL, I don't mind AT ALL. She's like a sister to me, and I love her as much. She has 2 kids, and she does it ALONE. She doesn't have a job, either, because with this economy, NO ONE is hiring. If they are hiring, its far away from where she lives. She also just got a hysterectomy. She's only about 23-24 years old.

So anyways, I feel like my dad is abandoning me, because for the past 2 weeks, we haven't had more than a 5 minute conversation, if that much. Whereas, he talks to Rosa, and sees her EVERYDAY. He doesn't call me when he gets home anymore because he's talking to her. And when we do talk, like I said, he's either criticizing me, "How's [Jay]? Is she ok? No fever? Is she eating ok? Is she still size 3 diapers?", or he's telling me he's broke, or that he's tired.
Rosa's daughter is size 3 diapers-at 3 months. Size 3 diapers are from 16lbs-28lbs. Jay weighs about 23lbs right now. 

Also last week, my dad called me to tell me that he called my aunt. (My aunt lives in New Jersey, and she's a pediatrician. She was Jay's doctor when we lived in NY.) So my dad tells me that he called my aunt, and it seemed like he called her JUST TO ASK HER ABOUT JAY'S EATING HABITS. So he tells me that she said that she NEEDS to eat her baby food, and that I can't keep putting her baby food in her bottles. I tell him it's not my fault that Jay doesn't like the texture. I'm NOT going to force her to eat it. He says, "Stephanie, I don't think you understand the importance of her eating." HELLO?!??! How the fuck can I NOT understand? She's MY daughter.
I tell Canito to call his mom to ask what it is I'm doing wrong. My SIL did the SAME thing with her son. She would put the baby food in his bottles. My mother-in-law never said anything about it. She has NEVER criticized me. I'm doing a damn good job with raising my daughter. She also told me that now Jay should start eating step 3 baby foods, and she should eat them by herself. And you know what? THAT'S THE ONLY WAY SHE'LL EAT HER BABY FOOD. When my dad yet again asked me if she's eating ok, I tell him that my MIL told me that she's step 3 in baby foods, and that she's eating it by herself. He says, "Good! I'm glad she's finally eating it!"

He tells me a lot: Stephanie. I don't think you understand the importance of ________________. ALL THE TIME. 
For my birth control: Stephanie, I don't think you understand how important it is for you NOT to get pregnant.
For anything and everything he says I don't understand how important it is. 

One time, Canito, Jay and I stood the night at his house, and we were talking about birth control. He tells me: Stephanie, I don't think you understand the importance of you not getting pregnant. You need to understand that if you get pregnant, I can't help you anymore than I'm helping you now." NO ONE IS ASKING YOU TO! WTF?!?!?! 
I HATE that I'm dependant on him. Ever since I was 14, (see earlier posts) I have been independant and I would buy my own shit. It wasn't a lot of money that I would have, but I would buy what I needed with it. I don't like being dependant on him. I don't like depending on anyone. I like doing and buying shit for myself. Not with anybody's help. And the fact that he throws that in my face ALL THE TIME, it makes me feel like a failure, and a piece of shit. I went CRAZY looking for a job Friday night, because I just can't deal with it anymore. I NEED a job. DESPERATELY. I want to pay my own bills, buy my daughter the things that she needs, or would want. I want to be able to buy things that Canito and I need or want. I can't deal with it anymore. I hate being dependant on him. I miss being independant. 


Ever since he started dating Rosa, if my power bill is $60, it's too expensive.  
Ever since he started dating Rosa, my daughter is too skinny for his liking.
Ever since he started dating Rosa, he's always broke.
Ever since he started dating Rosa, he's always tired.
Ever since he started dating Rosa, we don't have more than 5 minute conversations.
Ever since he started dating Rosa, our relationship, and friendship have changed.
Ever since he started dating Rosa, all he can do is criticize my abilities at being a mom.
Ever since he started dating Rosa, I feel like I no longer have a father.
Ever since he started dating Rosa, I REGRET moving to Puerto Rico. 


I feel like we were better off in NY. Canito had a good paying job, and I was still getting child-support. Everything over there is EXPENSIVE AS FUCK, but we could have gone into the shelter system, and had an apartment in 6 months. At least over there, we always had money. Money doesn't buy happiness, but being broke can make a person down-right depressed. I don't want to move out of PR because of my family (not including my dad-he won't miss miss me. he has a new girl, and a new daughter to look after. and you know what, he'll tell me how much he misses us, but doesn't ask anymore when are we going over there, or when's the next time he's going to us. i'm not even going to put in the effort of driving an hour to go and an hour to come back just for him to criticize our parenting skills, or to hear about rosa, or to hear him complain. he wants to to see us? let him drive the 2 fucking hours.), and because of Canito's family. I'd miss them a lot. 
But when I told Canito how I felt, and how I regretted moving to PR, he asked if I'd like to go to PA. IDK if that's ever gonna happen. He also said that soon one of us will have a job. I sure hope so, because if not, I'm not going to be able to keep staying shut everytime my dad bitches at me. I think we could have saved up money and moved to another state if we were still in NY. If only....




P.S. To J~ IDK if my comment got posted on my last post. I did comment back. I comment back on every comment you leave, but I'm still new to this, and trying to figure it out. Let me know if it got posted, if not, I'll figure out a way to comment back. =)

Mommy Dearest and Her Husband: Part II

In my last post, (which was just a few minutes ago) I talked about my sister, and my aunt. I talked to my sister about 4 days ago, and I had never asked her why it was that she and my mother stopped talking, so I decided to be the cat, and let curiosity get the best of me. =D She actually didn't know either. But she did tell me, that a few days before they stopped talking, my mom was in the hospital because she was sick. She had an asthma attack, or something like that. The Asshole sat my sister down to talk to her, and told her, "You need to stop coming over here so often. You need your own life. Your mother and I want our own life, too. And she's always going to the hospital because she worries about you so much." 

Sidenote: WHO THE FUCK IS HE TO TELL MY SISTER THAT SHE NEEDS TO STOP GOING TO MY MOTHER'S HOUSE. HELLO? THAT'S HER DAUGHTER. AND HE DIDN'T SAY IT IN FRONT OF MY MOTHER!

My sister then tells him, "Its her problem if she worries about me. I worry about her to, you know."
A few days after that conversation, my sister sprains her ankle. My mom has a fucking pharmacy in her house. You name the prescription drug, she has it. She can be a drug dealer, and she'd be rich just by selling the damn prescriptions that she has. 
So anyways, my sister wanted my mom to have a look at her ankle. My mom says sure, and my sister says she'll call her when she's on her way. My sister calls my mom when she's on her way, and my brother picks up the phone, and tells her, "Don't come over here because [The Asshole] is going to kill you."
Shelley: What? Wtf is going on? Put Mom on the phone, please.
Fello: (again, pronounced: fay-yo) She doesn't want to talk to you.
So my mother left my sister high and dry, AGAIN. (I can assure you that wasn't the first time my mother has done something like that to my sister. In the past like 10 years that she has been with that mother fucker, she has stopped talking to my sister about 5 times due to that asshole. she has stopped talking to ALL OF MY FAMILY (on her side) because of him. we were a pretty close family, untill he came along.)
He has threatened to kill each and everyone of us, including my aunt. 
In the summer of '05, I went to my friend's house to braid his hair. I was with my brother, and a little girl I used to babysit. I got home at around 9:30 pm, and I had called my mom VERY OFTEN throughout the day. My mom was fine with me being where I was, and the time I got home. When I got home, my mother and her husband were arguing, and my mother saying, "Your not going to touch her", and he was saying, "I'm not going to hit her." She was in front of her door, holding it closed, and I could hear them, and the way he was trying to move her, so he could come at me.
She opens the door, and he comes to my room, and says, "Come here, cuz I want to talk to you." He was pointing at me, and he motioned for me to go closer, but I only take like 3 baby steps, and he comes the rest of the way forward, and slaps the shit out of me across the face. (NO ONE, NOT EVEN MY MOTHER, NOR MY FATHER HAS EVER SLAPPED MY FACE BEFORE. NOT EVEN WHEN I GOT INTO A FIGHT 2 YEARS LATER. THE GIRL I FOUGHT ATTEMPTED TO SLAP ME, BUT INSTEAD ALL SHE DID WAS SCRATCH ME. THATS IT.) He hit me so hard, that half of my face was as red as a tomato, (I'm not exaggerating either. I wish I would have taken pictures of it.) and he left me a bruise on my left cheek-bone. He was going to keep hitting me, but my mom pushed him back, and I put my legs in the air (i had fallen into my hamper, then i fell on my bed from the blow), so when he would charge at me again, I was going to kick at him. He said I disrespected my mother. I don't know how the fuck I disrespected her, but he claims I did, because I came home at a late hour. When it was 9:30 pm, and I had called her several times, even when I was leaving my friends house to go home. 
The next day, my mom was cleaning, and I was listening to music, and I was babysitting again, and my mom asked me to lower the radio. I did. She thought it was still too loud, so she asked me to lower it again, and The Asshole steps in and tells me these exact words, "If your mother has to tell you to lower it again, I'm going to beat you. And I'm not gonna stop. I'm gonna beat you untill you dead."
My mother didn't even say anything. She didn't stick up for me, or tell him to back off- nothing. Nice, huh?


Yesterday, I was talking to my aunt, and she told me a few things about my mother. An actual fact: if my great-aunt dies, it's my mother's fault. Here's why:
In the winter of 2005, my aunt came from Florida to live with us. She went to the woman's shelter, and since they were taking so long to give her an apartment, and my mother didn't like the speed of the shelter, she lied to my aunt, so my aunt, Chili, would go back to Florida to get her daughter. My great- aunt was taking care of my cousin untill Chili was back on her feet. My mother told Chili that my baby cousin was in danger. My great-aunt had started drinking again, and she would drive drunk with my baby cousin in the car. Obviously, Chili wanted to go get her. So, they used the money left over from when I worked (see last post), to buy her ticket. Now, I don't mind Chili using my money to get my baby cousin, after all, my baby cousin was the reason I wanted to have a kid at such a young age. But my mom told me that I spent all of my money. She also told me that it was TA who bought her ticket. At least tell me the fucking truth for once in your fucking life-well, my fucking life! 
So, Chili went to Florida, and barged in my great-aunt's house, demanding her daughter, and explaining why. Everyone was telling her that it was lie, that my GA (GA means Great-Aunt) wasn't drinking again. So Chili said to call my mom. IDK why no one did. I don't think my mom would have picked up the phone, anyways. And my mom wasn't even talking to ANYONE OF MY FAMILY MEMBERS in Florida at the time, either. My GA had stopped drinking, because she was caring for my baby cousin. But when Chili took her daughter back, my GA started drinking again. She already had sclerosis of the liver from her excessive drinking. But it got so bad, that in 2009, she was admitted to the hospital, due to liver failure. My GA is dieing, from a LIE that my mother told Chili, just so Chili could go to a different shelter. In NY, if you have a kid, they give you an apartment faster, if you went through the shelter system. Just because they weren't giving Chili an apartment as fast as my mom would have liked, my mom lied to Chili, and has caused for my GA to be dieing.
Another occasion: Chili was in the shelter in Manhattan, and she got a job at Starbucks. I would go with her to the job, so I could watch my baby cousin. My baby cousin LOVED to be with me, and I LOVED to be with her. I used to take care of her when she was only a few months old, and Chili would work.
While Chili was working at Starbucks, my mom told her that she was going to take away all of Chili's checks, and give her a budget. Chili had to tell my mom what it was she was going to buy, and my mom would give her the money. Because Chili said "NO", (which I am very proud of her for doing that) my mom stopped talking to my aunt. Because my aunt stood up to the bitch, she stopped talking to her. If something doesn't go the way that my mother, and her husband want, they kick you out of their lives, stab you in the back, and act like you never existed. Mainly when it comes to money of course. Instead of asking, "How can I help this person?" They ask, "How can these assholes benefit me? How can I get money out of these bitches?" They don't care how they hurt a person, just as long as they get money, or some sort of benefit in the end. Even with her own FLESH AND BLOOD. 
I know one of the Ten Commandments are :“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you."
That doesn't doesn't relate here does it? My mother ABANDONED my sister, my aunt, and myself. She has abandoned our whole family EXCEPT for my brother. And I can guarantee, that once my brother has his own apartment (I hope its soon), she's going to kick him to the curb, and abandon him too. She's a bitch like that. She's a poor excuse of a mother. I was telling my sister and my aunt how I want to send her an email of how I feel about her. My sister said I should do it on Mother's Day, and make it clear that I'm not saying "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!" No. It would be the EXACT opposite. And my aunt said that I should do it. I would tell her how she should be ashamed of herself. How my grandmother (R.I.P. she died when I was 6) would NOT be proud of her. How she and the mother fucker she's married to are PERFECT for e.o. And how she's a HORRIBLE mother. She's a POOR EXCUSE OF A MOTHER, A WOMAN, AND A PERSON. THEY ARE A DISGRACE TO THE HUMAN RACE, those 2. And for anyone who would abandon their child for a woman, or a man, or would kill their baby because the father said so, and that he wouldn't be with you, I swear you are stupid. To have a baby is the best thing in the world. And if you don't want to cherish that feeling, DON'T HAVE KIDS JUST TO ABANDON THEM! GET YOUR FUCKING TUBES TIED, OR YOUR DICK CUT OFF BEFORE IT HAPPENS! (not literally, I mean to get a vasectomy). Then, you won't have little bastards running around, (said kindly, i promise.) wondering where their mother or father is. I don't have a mother. And I grew up without a father because of my mother. Trust me, it's not a good feeling. Well, the part about me growing up without a father. Not having a mother is ok, because she's a FUCKING BITCH! 
So yeah, you know my little sordid story. 

Do you think I'm being too harsh? Do you think I should forgive her? 

There's not a chance in hell that I'm going to forgive her, but I want to know what you have to say! Come on! Don't be shy.
Be safe, and have fun this weekend peops! 
Next post: What's been going on with my Dad, and how little by little, he's abandoning me, too.


P.S. Do you think I should send her the email? If so, when? If not, how come?

Mommy Dearest and Her Husband: Part I

In June 2009, I came to PR to visit my Dad, meet my mother-in-law, and have a nice vacation. Didn't go according to plan, though. My mom got in the way of some of it, and I missed my hubby. 3 weeks apart, yeah, not a good thing. I was going to go back to NY after Father's Day Weekend, but the very first week I was in PR, Canito told me he left the place where we were staying at (which was his cousin's house-downstairs from where my mom lived(s).) He went to stay at his best-friend's house in the next building, because his cousin was bitching about him getting up early, to get out of the house, because since I wasn't there, he didn't want Canito alone in the house with his wife. Come on, now. She would yell, and bitch about everything, and she was a slob!!! I didn't mind at all, but apparently, The Super didn't trust his wife so much.
A little bit after Canito went to stay with his best friend, he calls me yet again, to tell me he's going to move to Florida with his step-mom. (!) I didn't know where the hell this was coming from. It came out of the blue. 
I told him I'd obviously go with him. We were a couple, and we have a daughter together. Untill my Dad came up with a brilliant plan- we move to PR, but in a city far, far away from all the problems (Canito has problems here, and so he won't get into any trouble with those people, we moved like an hour away from civilization (not literally away from civilization, of course), and 1 1/2 hours maybe 2 with traffic. Just seeing my Dad is a mission impossible. Canito was going to come the day after I was supposed to go back. The same weekend he gets here, we look at an apartment, and we live here now. The very first apartment we looked at! He got here around 3am in the morning, because the plane got delayed in NY. It was 3am Saturday.
Here is where my mom comes in: On Sunday, of the same weekend he arrived, we were at my Grandmother's house, and my mom decides to call me (!). Note: In the 3 weeks that I had been here, she had NOT ONCE called me. You know why she called me? To ask where Canito was. The conversation went something like this:
her: hey. i was wondering: everyone has been looking for [canito], no one can find him. 
me: yeah, he's in florida. (we had to tell her that, because she's a big mouth, who will tell his cousin, who's an even bigger mouth, and he'll tell everyone and their mother that canito was/is in pr.)
her: oh, really?
me: yes.
her: oh, ok. i wanted to know because everyone has been looking for him, no one knows where he's at. not [his best friend], [his boss], [the super], no one. so he went to florida.
me: yup. to live with his step-mom. and as soon as he gets an apartment, i'm going over there with him.
her: oh, ok. (my neice starts complaining in the background) well, let me see whats going on with [the neice], and i'll call you later.
me: ok, bye.
She never called me back. Can you fucking believe her? The ONLY time she calls me. Wasn't to ask how her grandchild is doing, or how I'm doing. It was to ask where Canito was, and then never calls me back. I didn't call her back either. What a mother, huh?
I tell Canito, and my dad, and they're surprised at how fucked up she is, and Canito decided to call The Super to see what the real story is. Turns out, it was a lie. The Asshole hadn't seen him from his peeping-Tom's camera, and decided to actually go to The Super's house, and ask where he was, because he hadn't seen him in a few days. And The Super, "knew" he went to Florida, and his best-friend knew he came to PR. His best friend and his wife, were the only people we could actually trust on that block. No one said anything, though. Not even the big-mouthed Super opened his mouth! LMAO
Oh, and it gets better! (note sarcasm there.)
In early August, I called her. This was the last conversation we have had, because she decided to try to manipulate me. For the last time, though. I didn't disrespect her, but I did speak my mind. I will relate the conversation as best as my memory can allow it.
me: hi mom. how are you?
her: good and you? hows the baby?
me: good. she's sleeping. (it was after 9pm.)
her: oh, ok. listen, you know [canito] went to florida so fast because everyone around here wanted to jump him, right?
me: ( i sit up in bed. i knew we were going to argue. and im shaking and getting those damn butterflies in my stomach again just thinking about this conversation) what are you talking about?
her: well, [his boss], [his best friend], and everybody else on the block that he had a problem with wanted to jump him. that's why he left to florida so fast.
me: really? you know thats funny because he still talks to his boss, and gordo (his best friend).
her: well thats what they told us, personally.
me: well thats really funny, because we talked today, and he told me he still talks to them.
her: well thats what they told us personally.
me: and as for the other people on the block, no one dared fuck with him, because one time, Darnel (he lived downstairs from my mom) shot a paint ball at him, and canito told him straight up that if he did it again, he'd fuck him up, and darnell said "uh huh" so canito punched him in the face, and darnell didn't do anything back. then him and a whole bunch of other people went in front of the building with bats, and he went out BY HIMSELF and told them what was going on, and EVERYONE INCLUDING DARNELLS MOM said he was cool. that he had a right to hit him.
her: well thats not what they're saying now.
me: whatever. its the truth.
her: it's not for you to get mad, stephanie. i'm only the messenger, and i'm telling you what they personally told me.
me: and i know its a lie, because canito still talks to them. and i know about the rumors you spread when we first got together too.
her: i'm only the messenger stephanie.
me: i'm not talking about that anymore! i'm talking about when canito and i first got together. you and the asshole started a whole bunch of rumors just so i wouldn't be with canito. you knew that once i hit 18 i was going to do whatever i wanted. it was un-called for. and the shit you and nany said just so i wouldn't talk to my dad. i know the truth about everything, mom. just like i know papi always has paid child support, you just didn't tell me. what has papi ever done to you? he was always there, he was always a good father.
her: we only wanted the best for you, stephanie. and ur father did stop paying, i have the papers to prove it.
me: well you went the wrong way about it, mom. and how you ALWAYS put the asshole before us. he'll yell at us, or hit us, and he even hit you, and you stayed with him! he yells at fello (pronounced: fay-yo. my brother), and you let him! you know fello has problems. he tries, and you don't even give him credit for it! the asshole is even worse. you let the asshole yell at him, and you even stick up for the asshole. 
her: i know.
me: and then in my face, you'd stick up for me, or fello, or shelley (my sister), but when your talking to the asshole, behind closed doors, you stick up for him. I USED TO HEAR YOUR CONVERSATIONS. I KNOW WHAT WAS REALLY GOING ON, I JUST STOOD SHUT. BUT I'M TIRED OF THAT SHIT. I'M STICKING UP FOR MYSELF NOW. AND IT WAS MESSED UP HOW YOU LIED TO MY FACE ABOUT CANITO, JUST SO I WOULDN'T BE WITH HIM. HE IS THE ONLY ONE BESIDES PAPI WHO WAS THERE FOR ME THROUGH EVERYTHING. HE COULD HAVE LEFT ME WHEN I TOLD HIM I WAS PREGNANT, AND HE DIDN'T HE WAS ALWAYS THERE.
her: WE ONLY WANTED THE BEST FOR YOU STEPHANIE. NOW LOOK, YOUR DAD IS TAKING CREDIT FOR HOW WE RAISED YOU. AND THEY GET TO SEE THE BABY WHENEVER THEY WANT. [THE ASSHOLE] HAS NEVER GOT TO SEE HER.
me: I DON'T CARE IF HE NEVER GOT TO SEE HER! HE'S NOT HER GRANDFATHER, AND HE'S NOT MY FATHER. SHE HAS A GRANDFATHER ALREADY. I DON'T OWE THAT ASSHOLE ANYTHING. ALL HE DID WAS MAKE ME SUFFER AND MISERABLE. I DIDN'T, AND STILL DON'T WANT HIM TO SEE HER. 
her: WHATEVER STEPHANIE. JO (my dad's ex), AND YOUR DAD GET TO SEE HER WHENEVER THEY WANT. I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO SAY BYE TO YOU OR THE BABY. AND NOW THEY'RE TAKING CREDIT FOR THE WAY WE RAISED YOU.
me: THEY'RE NOT TAKING CREDIT. THEY'RE HELPING ME. I'M GETTING THE HELP I NEED. HELP I WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN IN NY. (i had also told her a few days prior to this convo that canito and i supposedly broke up)
her: YOU COULD HAVE GONE TO HOUSING, STEPHANIE, OR SECTION 8.
me: FOR HOUSING, I HAVE TO LIVE IN THE PROJECTS, AND I CAN'T EVEN MOVE FROM THERE, AND SECTION 8 IS FROZEN, AND U KNOW IT.
her: THERE WAS OTHER OPTIONS STEPHANIE. YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO MOVE TO PR.
me: you know better than anyone that without section 8, or housing in NEW YORK, and without ANY help from the government, its IMPOSSIBLE to live in NY. i HATED living in ny. i suffered too much. i HATED it. i don't want my daughter to go through the same shit i went through.
her: you could have lived with us.
me: yeah, but canito couldn't have. and i don't want her raised in that hostile environment, where theres ALWAYS yelling, and slamming doors. and you never kicked canito out, even though i knew you were itching to, and only because i told you that if he went, i would go to. and that day that the asshole and canito argued, the asshole never went downstairs.
her: cuz i told him not to.
me: whatever. and the day when i told him to mind his own business, he was about to hit me.
her: no he wasn't. 
me: YES HE WAS AND YOU KNOW IT! DON'T TRY TO STICK UP FOR HIM! HE WOULD HAVE BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME IF I WASN'T PREGNANT!
her: (she actually stayed shut.)
me: he's brave to hit one of us, but he knew that canito was a challenge, and canito could have probably beat the shit out him. he's a fucking coward. he doesn't hesitate to hit one of us, but for someone who sticks up to him, he's a fucking pussy.
her: i know.
me: and what the fuck did canito ever do to you? what was it that you had against him? cuz he didn't have money? he didn't have a car? a nice house?
her: all we wanted for you was someone who can put a roof over your head.
me: I HAD A ROOF OVER MY HEAD. IT WASN'T THE BEST PLACE TO BE, BUT I WAS HAPPY! I WAS THE HAPPIEST I EVER HAD BEEN. WASN'T THAT ENOUGH? I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE MONEY. HE TOOK GOOD CARE OF MY DAUGHTER, HE TOOK GOOD CARE OF ME, WE HAD EVERYTHING WE NEEDED, AND WANTED. HE WAS ALWAYS THERE!
her: thats fine stephanie. i'm happy you have a daughter. i didn't say anything about you having a daughter. i'm happy you have her.
me: your just not happy with who i had her with.
her: i think you could have done better.
me: he made me happy! wasn't that enough? oh yeah, and about that shit you said when the arguement between the asshole and canito happened. that it was all planned. you know damn well that it wasn't planned and it was TA who started it. but if TA convinces you of  something, you believe it. you say that i'm blind-
her: cuz you are! tell canito to tell you the truth. tell him to tell you why he left to florida so quickly.
me: I KNOW WHY HE LEFT! BUT IT WASN'T FOR THE REASON YOU SAID! YOUR THE ONE WHOS BLIND. IF THE SKY IS BLUE, BUT TA CONVINCES YOU ITS GREEN, WHEN ITS BLUE, BUT HE CONVINCES YOU, YOUR GONNA THINK ITS GREEN. YOU LISTEN TO EVERYTHING HE SAYS, AND YOU ALWAYS TAKE HIS SIDE. YOU ALWAYS STUCK UP FOR HIM, AND NOT US. YOU ALWAYS PUT HIM BEFORE US. 
her: yeah, well, because we wanted the best for you guys.
me: the best for us? TA WAS ONLY THERE WHEN WE NEEDED DISCIPLINE. AND EVEN WHEN WE DIDN'T NEED IT. HE SLAPPED ME FOR SUPPOSEDLY DISRESPECTING YOU WHEN I HAVE NEVER DISRESPECTED YOU! AND HE HAS NEVER APOLOGIZED. THAT WAS YOU TALKING FOR HIM, SO THERE WOULDN'T BE ANY TENSION. HE'S NOT THE TYPE TO APLOGIZE. HE DOESN'T FEEL ASHAMED FOR ANYTHING HE DOES. HE'S ONLY APOLOGIZED TO U FOR HITTING U, BUT TO NONE OF US. he's a fucking coward. that's the only time he was there for us. when we needed to be hit. other than that he was never there. and you just let him.
her: yeah, i know.
me: and the shit you said about my dad, that you were going to keep him in court, because he called the cops. he was worried about me. hello? i was 10 months pregnant!
her: but he didn't need to do that. i had everything under control. nothing was going to happen to you.
me: you don't know that. he was worried.
her: well he still didn't need to do that. and now he's taking all of the credit for how we raised you. he always gets to see the baby, and we never got to see her.
me: i didnt want that mother fucker to see her! i don't owe him anything. he made my life miserable! i'm glad he never got to see her! and my dad is helping me! he's not taking any credit for how i was raised.
her: WHATEVER STEPHANIE. HE'S TAKING ALL THE CREDIT. AND SO IS JO. REMEMBER, YOU HAVE THEM, AND I'M JUST THE BITCH WHO GAVE BIRTH TO YOU. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? JUST FORGET THAT WE EVEN EXIST. (at this point, the asshole was yelling shit in the background because he heard my mom yelling, and i'm pretty sure that he was listening in on the convo. nothing new. i was too hyped up to even respond to what he was saying. i don't even know what he was saying.)
me: TRUST ME, THAT'S FINE WITH ME! 
And I hung up on her. I told Canito what happened, and he let a few minutes go by before he said, "Give me their number. I want to call her." 
me: no. (laughing)
him: come on. let me call her. 
me: fine. wait a few minutes so it looks like i called you, and told you what happened.
About 5 minutes go by. 
I give him the number, and he calls, and he puts it on speaker so I can hear her (!) but she let it go to voicemail. =( lmao
So he left a message saying something like this:
LOOK PUTITA (which means whore or bitch) DON'T KEEP CALLING "LA NENA" AND TALKING SHIT TO HER ABOUT ME. IF YOU GOT A FUCKING PROBLEM WITH ME WHORE, YOU CALL ME. I'M TIRED OR MY NAME COMING OUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH, YOU WHORE. AND AS FOR THAT DICK SUCKER, IF HE WANTS TO GET FUCKED UP, LET ME KNOW. I'LL TAKE A PLANE JUST TO FUCK HIS ASS UP. HE'S A DICK SUCKER WHO'S ALL TALK. DON'T KEEP TALKING SHIT ABOUT ME YOU FUCKING BITCH. I'LL TAKE A PLANE OVER THERE AND GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT YOU WHORE. 
And he hangs up. I just start CRACKING UP, and I tell him, "Watch. She's going to call me in a few minutes." We're talking, and then all of a sudden, who do you think calls me? If you guessed the President, your wrong. If you guessed mommy dearest, you won! You win a life time subsricption to my blog! LMAO. =D
This is how the convo went:
me: hello?
her: wtf did you tell canito?
me: exactly what you told me.
her: well he called me, and left me a message. here listen to it. (figits with the voicemail machine). i can't get it to play, but he called me every name in the book. (i'm just laughing my ass off.)
me: ok. what do you want me to do about it?
her: not open your fucking mouth.
me: hello? your talking about him, and he has a right to know. especially when its lies!
her: well tell him that he better not show his fucking face around here cuz he's going to get killed. and not by the asshole, by me.
me: umm ok. whatever. you asked for it! don't keep talking shit about me, nor him, and that won't happen! 
(the asshole is talking shit in the background saying that i better now show my face in ny either, cuz he was going to beat the shit out of me too.)
me: (TO TA) TELL HIM TO SHIT THE FUCK UP! AND I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY.  YOU ASKED FOR IT!
her: don't call me stephanie. i don't  want anything to do with you.

And she hangs up. I tried calling her back, but she blocked me on her Iobi. It's this phone thing on the computer where you can actually block a person from calling you. And she blocked my phone, and Canito's. I'm writing this, and CRACKING UP! IT'S JUST SO HILARIOUS! 
And if you noticed when she was talking, I put "we" in italics, because she was saying "we" as in her and her mother fucker of a husband. She never said I just we. It's a damn shame. I am the way I am today, because of her. Not the way she raised me. She raised me to not be able to trust anyone. She would take away my money so I wouldn't spend it, but she could. 
I got a summer job when I was 14, and I got paid $500. She took my money from me. MONEY I WORKED FOR, SO I COULD BUY MY SCHOOL CLOTHES, AND SUPPLIES. With that money, I bought my first pre-paid piece-of-shit phone. I think I only spent $300, and she took the rest for herself, telling me I spent it all. She raised me to HATE any form of step-mother, or step-father. I wish I never get seperated from Canito, cuz I swear if I get a man who even THINKS about touching my daughter, they better sleep with one eye open. If he touches her sexually, or to discipline her, I will harm him so bad, he's never going to want ANYONE with a kid. (God forbid) Canito and I split up, I'm going to talk to her, and tell her the things that are ok, and not ok for a man to do to her. And if a man I may or may not have does anything bad to her, she needs to speak up, not stay shut for the fear of hurting me, or being hurt. 
I can't even hurt a fly, I don't even like killing roaches (i send canito to do it) because I feel guilty afterwards, and like God is going to punish me for killing one of his creatures. But I will GLADLY hurt, maybe even kill (depends on the damage) ANYONE who DARE'S to hurt my baby. If a little kid bother's her when she's in school, best believe that I will go to that kid's parent and tell them to tell their kid to stop bothering my daughter. I feel sorry for the person who bother's or hurts my baby, cuz I will have their ass on a platter, then feed it to them!
Anywho, so yeah, that's the last conversation I have had with my mother. About 2 days after our arguement, she sent me this email, that I copied and pasted here: 

STEPHANIE: I HOPE U R DOING OK AND THE BABY; LET ME START WITH UR MAN, HAVE U EVER THOUGHT THAT EVERYBODY AROUND HERE IS TELLING THE TRUTH?, WELL GUESS WHAT THE ONE THAT SAID WATH I TOLD U WAS NOEL BECAUSE HE WAS THE ONE SPEAKING TO [his boss] I JUST DELIVERED WHAT WAS SAID TO ME, ANOTHER THING THE MESSEGE HE LEFT, HE MAID A HUGE MISTAKE OF LIVING IT CAUSE WITH THAT I CAN PUT HIM IN JAIL, JUST LIKE U AND UR FATHER FOR "CONSPIRACY TO MURDER FOR HIRE", ANOTHER ONE: HAVE U EVER THOUGHT THAT WE WERE BOTH MANIPULATED BY NANY (my dad's ex) AND / OR UR FATHER JUST TO BE AGAINST EACHOTHER, HAVE U EVER THOUGHT THAT U R EASY TO BELIEVE ANYTHING THAT IS SAID TO U, HAVE U EVER THOUGHT THAT EVEN THOUGH WE ARE THE WAY WE ARE ALL WE WANTED WAS THE BEST FOR U, HAVE U EVER THOGHT THAT U R FATHER IS LIEYING TO U JUST FOR U TO BELIEVE THAT HE IS THE GOOD PERSON OR THAT HE IS BUYING UR LOVE? THAT IS A LOT OF THINGS TO THINK ABOUT,HAVE U EVER THOUGHT ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF UR MAN USING U AS A SHIELD JUST TO COVER HIS ASS NOT TO BE KILLED BY HIS PEOPLE, OR HAVE U EVER THOUGHT ABOUT HIM MAKING UP EXCUSES NOT TO BE WITH U, HAVE U THOUGHT ABOUT THE PSSIBILITY OF HIM CHEATING ON U WILL HE IS IN FLORIDA STUPID HIM IF HE IS GOING TO TELL U THAT.WELL JUST GIVING A LITTLE ADVICE ON MY BEHALF."STAY PUT AND DON'T FUCK UP MORE THAN HE ALREADY HAVE" IF HE REALLY LOVES U AND I MEAN LOVES U HE HAS A PROBABILITY OF SUCCEIDING. ON THAT NOTE I LEAVE U REMEMBER I WIL ALWAYS LOVE U AND THE BABY. AND MAKE SURE THAT U ALWAYS ARE AWARE OF EVERYTHING UR FATHER DOES BECAUSE PRETTY SOON HE IS GOING TO START SHOWING U HIS TRUE COLORS NOBODY KNOWS BETTER THAN ME. GOOD LUCK GOD BLESS U AND THE BABY, AND WE WIL BE SEEING EACH OTHER MAYBE ON OUR NEXT LIVE, IF THERE IS ONE. DO NOT REPLY TO THIS MASSEGE, JUST THINK ABOUT IT.

LOVE

MISHEL

Nice grammer huh? She was trying to manipulate me into believing her, and trying to play the victim LIKE ALWAYS. And the "conspiracy to murder for hire"?!?!?! LMFAO! I didn't hear, nor read anything wrong in the message Canito left them. And wtf does my dad or me have to do with what he said? She was trying to make me shit in my pants, but she got the complete opposite, I laughed my ass off while reading this. It was she and her husband who threatened US. Plus, if I ever wanted to put him in jail, or her, man do I have witnesses. Everyone on the block, my friends, my family. Whomever knew them, is a witness. And they would go to jail in a heartbeat.

I also talked to my sister a few days ago, as well as my aunt yesterday, and they told me things about my mother and that mother fucker that I didn't even know. Just like that mother fucker threatened to kill my sister if she ever showed up at my mom's house, again. Not even my sister knows why my mom and her stopped talking. Best believe that it was that mother fucker's fault. I'll explain further, and what happened in the conversation I had with my aunt, in my next post. Which is going to be right after I post this one! I just feel that nice today!
Have a good weekend love's!