You know, I always thought having Anal Sex was like the forbidden land. I had tried it twice before I got with Canito. I didn't like it too much. It hurt a lot. I think cuz they were just inexperienced with that sort of thing. After I got with Canito, we waited a while to try it.
However, on my 18th birthday (what a birthday present right) after all the drama that my mom and her husband caused, and after the drama starter's were off to bed, we tried it out. Yes, all of this happened ON MY BIRTHDAY! My mom came to me, saying that her husband had saw Canito with another girl, just before coming upstairs to my house. I'll call him The Asshole.
You see, The Asshole had a camera in front of the building, and one to show the door to the roof. He was just nosey like that, and he had (I imagine he still has it) an ILLEGAL antenna, for a radio. A radio where he can actually hear dispatch calls from the police. (hey, if a cop is reading this, i will gladly give over their address.) They started with that RUMOR on my 18th birthday. The day I became an adult. Because they knew, that from that day on, I would do whatever, and whenever I wanted to do it. My mom tried to control my life for 16 years (for 2 yrs i lived with my dad), and it only got worse as I started dating. She would throw me at my friends who had money. If they didn't have money, they'd say I couldn't see them anymore, blablabla. It got to the point, where The Asshole called me a loser, and later on after that, he started calling me a slut. I don't trust easily. Especially females. I'd rather have guy friends before girl friends. So this only got worse over time, but that's for another post.
Anyways, on my birthday, after my mom would go to her room, (the asshole never came out of his hole) we got busy. We always did after they went to bed. He wouldn't go home till about 1-2 am. We were seeing e/o for like a month and a half almost 2, before we started having sex. Then one day, he was sucking on my breast, and I told him it didn't really turn me on, cuz it doesn't. Well, now it does. Idk he has some magic or something, cuz it didn't really do anything to me back then, but now, if we're doing GOT (girl-on-top), in order for me to get off, he HAS to suck on my breasts. I think I didn't have much feeling in my breasts untill I got pregnant. And they went up to a size 38D. Bigger even after I gave birth, and they would fill up with milk. Man was it painful the first time it came in!
So, we started having sex in the first week of April, '08. And it started by him sucking on my breast, and I told him that it didn't do anything to me. He says, "What about here?" And he motions to my you-know-what. I shrugged my shoulders. I sat on the chair, and he went at it. I was really turned on, so in my head I said fuck it, and motioned for him to take his pants off, and lets get at it! We did. It started in the living room, and ended in the bathroom, where for the first time, a guy came in me. Besides one time with my first real boyfriend (after I lost my virginity. aka 2nd partner), where the condom broke. That time wasn't intentional. This time was. And it felt good. So good in fact, that I wanted him to do it again the next day. And he did, again, and again, and again. Two weeks before my birthday, I went to Puerto Rico for 10 days, to see my dad for the first time in 6 years (thanks to my mom). After I went back to New York, 3 days later, was my birthday. And on that day, we wanted to try something new. (i know i keep jumping back and forth, i hope im not too confusing!)
I was sitting/laying on the chair (my mom didn't have couches cuz she had so many damn cats) and he was kneeling on the floor, and he asked if he could stick it in my ass. I said ok. I was sooo in love with him, that I was willing to try anything. He is my first love. I THOUGHT I had loved before, but no. So we had anal sex for the first time on my birthday. It didn't hurt too much. Probably from the thrill of being in my living room. With my brother in the next room, and my mom at the end of the hall. It felt good to be bad. She didn't know I was having sex. When she found out I lost my virginity at 15 (i know i was young), well, she found out after I turned 15 but it was February 6th, 2005. BEFORE I turned 15. Well, when she found out, thanks to her husband listening in on my phone conversations, she beat me with a leather belt. And I mean beat me. I had bruises all over. I was sitting on my computer chair, and I had fell off of it, and she just kept swinging at me. She was screaming, "YOU FUCKING BITCH. YOU DISAPPOINT ME. YOU DISGUST ME!" On that day, she OBLIGATED me to promise her that I wouldn't have sex, untill I turned 18. Yeah, right.
I would have sleep-overs with my 2nd partner, and her thinking I was at his cousin's house. So I continued to do what I wanted behind her back. It felt even better when I was having sex with Canito on chairs that she sat on.
I know all this might seem harsh, but my mom has done A LOT of shit to me, and my siblings. Major reason why I don't talk to her today, and neither does my sister.
Warning: For all parents out there, be more open with your children. I'm not saying you should tell them to go and have sex, but TALK TO THEM. The more you forbid them, or ground them from doing something, the more likely they are to do it. Trust me. I've been there, done that. And we don't feel bad about it in the end either. We do it to prove something, to feed our ego's.
And doing it with Canito, gave me the thrill. Sex with him has always been great. And it was even better when there was that adrenaline rush of maybe being caught. We were inseperable untill those rumors and many more started. He just didn't come upstairs anymore. So we would resume our sexual encounters where he was staying. Downstairs with his cousin.
We started with sleep-overs. I was already 18, so wtf.
And we tried anal one more time. It didn't hurt too much that time either. It is best to do it after the female has gotten off at least once, cuz then her muscles are more relaxed. The moral of this story is, anal sex.
At times, I like it. At times, it hurts. Canito is pretty big, so it can make it more uncomfortable. But, after reading City Girl Blogs, I'm more open to it. The down side is, that I can't cum through my ass. I can only cum clitorally. I don't think I have a G-Spot. I tried feeling for it, only to no avail.
How do you know what to look for? What does a G-Spot feel like? Do all women squirt from cumming vaginally? Clitorally? I'd like to know these answers. Maybe I'll finally be able to cum vaginally, if I know.
Next Post: The many problems I have with my mother. And why is it that we don't talk, also, me finding out I was pregnant. Did Canito and I talk about it beforehand, or didn't we??? Then following, more sex posts.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
Catching Up
I have to say that I love this new blogger look. They have so many more options, and I like the way my blog looks now.
So...the past few days..
Wednesday:
My cat, Mimi, gave birth to 3 adorable little kittens. 2 of them have mostly white with some black, and one of the white ones looks JUST LIKE MIMI! And the last one is mainly black, with a little white. The same day, I noticed that Jay is getting her 4 tooth! She's late with her teething, and talking. Idk why, tho. Canito's son, Canito jr. had the same problem, and his mom had to put him in therapy to start talking.
I wonder if its genetic. She says bobo, dada, mama, baba, and now she says bye. That's about it. She's almost 14 months. Shouldn't she be saying more? I ALWAYS have Discovery Kids on for her. We even talk to her, but to no avail. Maybe its my fault, cuz we speak to her in spanish, but the tv is always in english. It's just she pays more attention to it if its in english. I just put it in spanish right now. In PR, spanish is the primary language. I want her to know both, cuz it gives her more opportunities when she's older. Maybe she'll have to go the therapy, too. This past weekend she was trying to talk more. She'll reply back to you, but in baby-talk.
I want to ask my MIL (mother-in-law) if Canito was late with his teeth, and talking, to see if she gets it from him.
Thursday:
Mimi gave birth to a still-born. =(
I had a feeling she was going to give birth to another one, cuz her belly didn't go down on Wed., and when I woke up in the morning, I noticed fresh blood. I opened the door for her so she could go out and do her business. (She is a cat, but she goes outside to do her business.)
I watched her so she could come back inside. I went back to bed for a little bit, and when I woke up again, I went to check on her, and that's when I saw the kitten. It looked like she had just given birth to it. It wasn't moving, or breathing. I told Canito to take it outside, and bury it. =(
Also on Wednesday morning, I KNEW Mimi was going to give birth. She meowed for me to open the door for her, so she can come in, which she NEVER does. I opened the door for her, and she just kept following me everywhere, and meowing. Again, something she NEVER does. I watched her closely, and I saw her belly getting tight with the contractions, and she was panting. I grew up with cats all my life. My mom had A LOTof cats. So yeah, I just knew it was time.
Good news! MY DAD IS ENGAGED!!!! I was a little worried when he first told me, which I think it was like on Monday. They haven't been seeing each other for a long time. But the heart wants and feels what it wants and feels. So I'm very happy for him.
This past weekend, we stayed over at my dad's house. On Saturday, we had to get there early so we could meet his fiance. She had to go into work, so we didn't have a lot of time.
She is very pretty, as short as I am, and so nice. AND HER DAUGHTER IS ADORABLE! Her daughter has blonde hair and blue eyes. She's just absolutely gorgeous. Rosa and I, talked right away. We got along really well. I want to spend more time with her. I can be a good judge of character, so I wanna see if she's legite. I hope so. My dad really loves her.
On Sunday, when I woke up, my dad told me that Rosa jr. was in the hospital because she had trouble breathing. Everything turned out fine thank God. Some congestion. They sent her home with some medication. I'm glad that she's ok.
Also, we finally got to see Canito's family. I love being with them. They're so cool, and loving. I love them so much. My mother-in-law is more like my mom, than my own mom. She treats me like her daughter, and my sister-in-law treats me like her sister. As well as my other sister-in-law, and brother-in-law. I get along really well with them. We spent the day with them, and we went to the pool, and I FINALLY got some color, lmao! My MIL cooked ♥. I LOVE her food. She makes the best EVERYTHING I have EVER tasted. If I lived with her, I'd be soooooo morbidly obese. lmao.
Today, I got up at the usual 10am =D. Jay was up, but she stays so calm in her play-pen. (we don't have a crib, cuz our apartment is so small and a crib wouldn't fit along with our bed. i think she's still too young to be in her own room. and the other room is too far-away from our room. plus, i'd miss her sleeping in the same room as us. if she wasn't so big, she'd still be sleeping in the bed us. =).) So yeah, we HAD one in the room, which is the smallest one for her to sleep, and the big one in the living room. When we got home yesterday, we had a little surprise waiting for us in Jay's big play-pen. I left paper in the bathroom, so Mimi could do her business. She decided to PEE AND SHIT IN JAY'S PLAY-PEN! I WAS FURIOUS! It's ok if she shits on the floor, in the room, wherever! BUT NOT MY DAUGHTER'S PLAY-PEN! I wanted to beat the shit out of her. I don't hit animals. But when you cross that line between my daughter and I, WATCH OUT! She's lucky her babies are inside, other wise her ass would have stayed outside.
So yeah, today, I washed clothes, cleaned the fans, fed the roosters, and gave them water, gave our hourse, Roxy, water, plus gave her a bath. Then when I was done, I cleaned the play-pen. Don't worry people. I cleaned it good.This is my daughter we're talking about here. And if it isn't clean enough, TO THE GARBAGE!!! It's one of those play-pens, that if she makes a mess, you can wipe it down. It doesn't absorb it. So yeah.
Canito was working today too, so that's another plus!
Tomorrow, I'm taking the baby to get her shot. =( I already told Canito that IDC if he has to work, we ARE going. He can drop me off, go to work, then when we're done, he can pick me up. I'll come home, take the clothes off the line, and hopefully I'll have the energy to clean. They open at 7:30am, but it's first-come first-served, so I have to be there by like 7am so I can be one of the first ones. I never went on a Tuesday. That's the only day that the nurse to give shots is there. IDK if it get's packed like it does when the doctor is there. You have to be there early, only to wait for him to get in around 10:30am. I hope the nurse who gives shots gets in earlier than that. But I have to wake up at like 5:30, to leave by 6:45 or 7. >=(
I even have to cook later, and IDK how I'm gonna do it!
In future posts, I'm going to switch things up a bit. I'm gonna talk about anything, and everything. City Girl Blogs inspired me. =)
I was kind of scared to do so at first, but hey if you don't like it, don't read it. It's that easy. I'm going to concur my fears, and write about things that I would never dare write about...well type about. Only because I'm shy, and I embarass easy. But to hell with the shyness, and embarassment. I'm gonna do it!
Quote of the day:
"Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game."
So...the past few days..
Wednesday:
My cat, Mimi, gave birth to 3 adorable little kittens. 2 of them have mostly white with some black, and one of the white ones looks JUST LIKE MIMI! And the last one is mainly black, with a little white. The same day, I noticed that Jay is getting her 4 tooth! She's late with her teething, and talking. Idk why, tho. Canito's son, Canito jr. had the same problem, and his mom had to put him in therapy to start talking.
I wonder if its genetic. She says bobo, dada, mama, baba, and now she says bye. That's about it. She's almost 14 months. Shouldn't she be saying more? I ALWAYS have Discovery Kids on for her. We even talk to her, but to no avail. Maybe its my fault, cuz we speak to her in spanish, but the tv is always in english. It's just she pays more attention to it if its in english. I just put it in spanish right now. In PR, spanish is the primary language. I want her to know both, cuz it gives her more opportunities when she's older. Maybe she'll have to go the therapy, too. This past weekend she was trying to talk more. She'll reply back to you, but in baby-talk.
I want to ask my MIL (mother-in-law) if Canito was late with his teeth, and talking, to see if she gets it from him.
Thursday:
Mimi gave birth to a still-born. =(
I had a feeling she was going to give birth to another one, cuz her belly didn't go down on Wed., and when I woke up in the morning, I noticed fresh blood. I opened the door for her so she could go out and do her business. (She is a cat, but she goes outside to do her business.)
I watched her so she could come back inside. I went back to bed for a little bit, and when I woke up again, I went to check on her, and that's when I saw the kitten. It looked like she had just given birth to it. It wasn't moving, or breathing. I told Canito to take it outside, and bury it. =(
Also on Wednesday morning, I KNEW Mimi was going to give birth. She meowed for me to open the door for her, so she can come in, which she NEVER does. I opened the door for her, and she just kept following me everywhere, and meowing. Again, something she NEVER does. I watched her closely, and I saw her belly getting tight with the contractions, and she was panting. I grew up with cats all my life. My mom had A LOTof cats. So yeah, I just knew it was time.
Good news! MY DAD IS ENGAGED!!!! I was a little worried when he first told me, which I think it was like on Monday. They haven't been seeing each other for a long time. But the heart wants and feels what it wants and feels. So I'm very happy for him.
This past weekend, we stayed over at my dad's house. On Saturday, we had to get there early so we could meet his fiance. She had to go into work, so we didn't have a lot of time.
She is very pretty, as short as I am, and so nice. AND HER DAUGHTER IS ADORABLE! Her daughter has blonde hair and blue eyes. She's just absolutely gorgeous. Rosa and I, talked right away. We got along really well. I want to spend more time with her. I can be a good judge of character, so I wanna see if she's legite. I hope so. My dad really loves her.
On Sunday, when I woke up, my dad told me that Rosa jr. was in the hospital because she had trouble breathing. Everything turned out fine thank God. Some congestion. They sent her home with some medication. I'm glad that she's ok.
Also, we finally got to see Canito's family. I love being with them. They're so cool, and loving. I love them so much. My mother-in-law is more like my mom, than my own mom. She treats me like her daughter, and my sister-in-law treats me like her sister. As well as my other sister-in-law, and brother-in-law. I get along really well with them. We spent the day with them, and we went to the pool, and I FINALLY got some color, lmao! My MIL cooked ♥. I LOVE her food. She makes the best EVERYTHING I have EVER tasted. If I lived with her, I'd be soooooo morbidly obese. lmao.
Today, I got up at the usual 10am =D. Jay was up, but she stays so calm in her play-pen. (we don't have a crib, cuz our apartment is so small and a crib wouldn't fit along with our bed. i think she's still too young to be in her own room. and the other room is too far-away from our room. plus, i'd miss her sleeping in the same room as us. if she wasn't so big, she'd still be sleeping in the bed us. =).) So yeah, we HAD one in the room, which is the smallest one for her to sleep, and the big one in the living room. When we got home yesterday, we had a little surprise waiting for us in Jay's big play-pen. I left paper in the bathroom, so Mimi could do her business. She decided to PEE AND SHIT IN JAY'S PLAY-PEN! I WAS FURIOUS! It's ok if she shits on the floor, in the room, wherever! BUT NOT MY DAUGHTER'S PLAY-PEN! I wanted to beat the shit out of her. I don't hit animals. But when you cross that line between my daughter and I, WATCH OUT! She's lucky her babies are inside, other wise her ass would have stayed outside.
So yeah, today, I washed clothes, cleaned the fans, fed the roosters, and gave them water, gave our hourse, Roxy, water, plus gave her a bath. Then when I was done, I cleaned the play-pen. Don't worry people. I cleaned it good.This is my daughter we're talking about here. And if it isn't clean enough, TO THE GARBAGE!!! It's one of those play-pens, that if she makes a mess, you can wipe it down. It doesn't absorb it. So yeah.
Canito was working today too, so that's another plus!
Tomorrow, I'm taking the baby to get her shot. =( I already told Canito that IDC if he has to work, we ARE going. He can drop me off, go to work, then when we're done, he can pick me up. I'll come home, take the clothes off the line, and hopefully I'll have the energy to clean. They open at 7:30am, but it's first-come first-served, so I have to be there by like 7am so I can be one of the first ones. I never went on a Tuesday. That's the only day that the nurse to give shots is there. IDK if it get's packed like it does when the doctor is there. You have to be there early, only to wait for him to get in around 10:30am. I hope the nurse who gives shots gets in earlier than that. But I have to wake up at like 5:30, to leave by 6:45 or 7. >=(
I even have to cook later, and IDK how I'm gonna do it!
In future posts, I'm going to switch things up a bit. I'm gonna talk about anything, and everything. City Girl Blogs inspired me. =)
I was kind of scared to do so at first, but hey if you don't like it, don't read it. It's that easy. I'm going to concur my fears, and write about things that I would never dare write about...well type about. Only because I'm shy, and I embarass easy. But to hell with the shyness, and embarassment. I'm gonna do it!
Quote of the day:
"Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game."
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Didn't Happen....
Hello my fellow readers!
This weekend didn't turn out as planned. I had all the time in the world to blog, but Canito was here, and he doesn't know about my blog. And I hope he never finds out. ;)
So, I was supposed to go to my dad's house this weekend to meet his new gf. I was really excited, cuz even though I don't know her, I already like her. My dad is all giddy, and happy, and he tells me how they try to see e.o whenever they can, even if only for 25 minutes. I can tell he's happy. Before he started dating her, he sounded kind of depressed, and just like blah about everything. But when he started dating her, he glows, you can hear the happiness in his voice. And I've NEVER seen my dad like that. EVER. So I'm so happy for him. So anyways, I called my dad to see what was going on, and he told me that Rosa had to work on Saturday so we'd reschedule for next weekend. On Saturday, I didn't hear from my dad ALL DAY LONG. I was worried as hell. I tried calling him. No answer. I called from Canito's phone. No answer. Canito called his mom, so she could call him. No answer. (My mother-in-law, and sister-in-law have a really good relationship with my dad. They talk often.)
At this point, I was crying, thinking the worst. Saying that this isn't like him, what if something happened to him? Canito and I got into an arguement, cuz instead of being supportive, he was telling me that he's fine, probably having sex. Then he made a comment saying, "For Jo [the ex] he'll pick up, but for you, he won't." (my dad was seeing Jo after they broke up. well, having sex with her. she wanted something more, so she would use sex to get it. she was trying to manipulate him into getting back together with her. she would give him what she she hardly ever did while they were together. after my dad told her he didn't wanna get back together with her, she stopped going to his house. i told him the same thing. i'm a woman. i knew what she was doing, the moment my dad told me he was seeing her again. shes a gold-diggin, munipulative, lieing (i think cheating) skeeze. she would still go out with her friends to clubs, while my dad stayed home. she's i think 42 now. thats for when your in your 20's not 40's. she need to leave that behind already.) I got defensive, and I yelled back, "NO! DON'T EVEN SAY THAT. FOR JO HE WON'T PICK UP. THEY'RE NOT TOGETHER ANYMORE. ROSA IS HIS GF NOW. THIS IS NOT LIKE HIM. HE'D CALL ME." "He doesn't have to tell you what he's doing all the time! He's probably having sex." he says. "It's not that I want him to tell me what he's doing. He'll call me just to say hi!" We go back and forth with the same bullshit, and then I say, "YOUR SO INSENSITIVE!" And he leaves to be with his friends. I finally heard from my dad, and I tell him how I was worried.
him: i'm so sorry. i was with rosa. you don't have to worry when i'm with her. and her brother came over to interview me about a product. you remember i told you. for his job, so he won't get fired.
me: ooo ok, and i wasn't worried if you were with her. i was worried in general. i thought something happened to you. i started thinking the worst, and it traumatized me.
him: i'm so sorry. [he apologized like 20 times.]
me: you don't have to apologize. i'm serious. i was just worried. its nothing to apologize for.
Then I tell him what happened with Canito. My father is very protective of me. Usually, he'd defend me, or say something like, "Talk to him. Let him know how you feel." But Saturday night, he defended Canito. I didn't mind at all. I think it's nice. I even started laughing, and I said, "I think it's so cute, that its like your seeing everything in color now. Your so happy." So we hang up, and I call Canito, and tell him that my dad called. I kept watching him from the window, cuz when he's hanging around with the asshole neighbor who only wants to hang out if he's drunk, or if his wife isn't there, he tends to disappear. Only up the block, but I don't like it. They were smoking a bogie, and around 1am, the other neighbor wants Canito to take him to the "store". He goes, and when he comes back, Asshole Neighbor wants to put Canito to smoke another bogie. I said fine. I call him around 2 to ask what time he's coming home, and to tell him that I'm going to bed. After I take a shower, I see the internet light is blinking. I turn it off just to piss him off. But then I turned it back on. We share internet with them, although they don't pay. We offered it to them before they stopped hanging out. So I call him again, and say, "Are you watching culo over there, or on Myspace?"
him: no he's showing me the game. how do you know we're using the internet?
me: the light is blinking, and i'm not using it.
him: A.N. says that the page closed out, did you turn it off?
me: no. it's blinking over here.
him: can you move it closer to the door?
me: ok i did it. what time are you coming home?
him: in a little bit. he's just showing me the game, and i'll go home.
me: it's 2:30 am already. can't he just show it to you tomorrow. or when he's not drunk? he's only your friend when he's drunk. and knowing you, "in a little bit" means another hour.
him: no. i'm just gonna see the game, and i'll be home.
me: well i'm going to bed, if your not home by 3, stay over there.
him: fine just leave the door open.
I go to sleep, wake up around 3, and I call him again.
me: i told you if you weren't home at this time, to stay over there. i'm locking the door. stay over there.
him: ok.
I locked the door. Top and bottom, cuz I really didn't want him here. And I turned off my phone. =D
4am rolls around. I turn my phone back on. Another phone call.
me: Canito. it's 4 am already. your still not home. what the fuck is the deal?
him: well you locked the door.
me: well since your chillin with your best friend, ask the asshole to let you sleep there.
him: fine. you locked the door anyways. i can't get in.
me: this is un-called for. i don't like this shit. but fuck it. stay over there, canito.
I hang up.
Around 4:30, he calls me from the window to open the door. I open it, don't say anything to him, and go back to bed. When I wake up, I start getting ready to wash clothes. We hadn't muttered 2 words to e.o. I then tell him that the horse is tied to the tree, and she can't eat anything, and to please pass me the pillow case, cuz I wanna wash it. We don't talk much for the rest of the day. He told me he was taking the other neighbor to the "store" and I said OK. That's about it. Then he washes the car, and afterwards, he's just outside, sitting there. I tried talking to him, but he ignored me. Then he was sitting in the car, and we finally talked. I told him I didn't like how he stayed out till 4:30 in the morning.
him: it was next door!
me: i don't care. i told you last night that i'm gonna start going out with my friends to see if you like it. you never replied back, cuz you don't like it.
him: its ok. i was only next door. but your gonna go out, and i'm gonna go out too.
me: even if i was here, outside till 4:30 in the morning you wouldn't like it. you know i don't go out. you don't invite me either.
him: [Asshole Neighbor's Wife] wants to be friends with you. but since all the shit that's happened she feels like she can't be friends with you.
me: THEY NEVER USED TO INVITE ME OVER TO THEIR HOUSE! IT WAS ALWAYS YOU YOU YOU! I'M NOT GONNA GO SOMEWHERE WHERE I'M NOT INVITED! I'D LOVE TO BE FRIENDS WITH HER, BUT HELLO. THEY NEVER INVITED ME.
him: i was only next door anyways.
me: i don't care. he only wants to be friends with you when he's drunk. i don't like that shit.
him: i know. he's not a real friend. and Joel [the other neighbor] tried to talk shit the other day, and i called him out on it today, and i told him not to come around anymore.
me: there's no friends around here.
him: i know. he only called when he needed something cuz we have a car, and the other one only calls when he's drunk.
We talk about money, cuz he had asked me earlier in the day for $20, and I told him no, cuz I needed it for the things we needed around the house. That's how it mainly started. The arguement. We agreed that we were both stressed out, and I hated that Jay was in the play-pen all the time. Since he's always with the roosters, he tracks grass and dirt in the house all the time. I like my house clean. So I told him to leave his shoes at the door. I didn't care if he had to keep taking them on and off. I also told him to buy some cheap sandals at Walgreens, or Walmart. The name-brand sandals he had broke. I even cried cuz I felt bad for Jay that she's always in the play-pen. It makes me feel like a bad mom to have her in there all the time.
He said he won't walk inside with shoes on anymore.
I also told him I felt bad cuz she hardly has any shoes. Everytime we get money it goes with the quickness. I want to buy her GOOD shoes, and cute lil sandals. I even told him that sometimes I think we were better off in NY. Over there, he had a good job. BUT we were living with his cousin, in a piece of shit room. No freedom. He bitched about everything. His ex was a fucking slob! I couldn't wash dishes sometimes, or the baby's bottles cuz the sink was full with her dirty dishes. I cooked in the other side of the house. They even bitched about me cooking, cuz I cooked late at night. Canito would get off at 10pm, sometimes later. Some meats taste nasty if you cook it, then reheat it. I like my food fresh. So does Canito. So we had a lil stove, and a microwave oven, pots, pans, etc. And I'd cook right next to our room.
So yeah, we felt the same way about thinking we were better of in NY. But here, we have our family. One day, hopefully soon one of us will have a job. I can feel it. He has that job in construction. But it's not stable. He's working today, actually. We were supposed to take the baby to ger her shot, and we argued about it, but I gave in, cuz we really need the money. We'll go next week, I promise. (her doctor only gives shots on Tuesday. around here, it's a first come first served, so we have to be there like at 7am.) And he's also going to buy her the $20 easy on-the-go stroller that I've wanted for a while now. I found one with a lil hood thing, to protect her from the sun. And she's old enough now to be in it. The stroller she has now is not a good one. The wheels don't turn when they're supposed to, and it's just ugh. So we're going to get the one I want. He also talked to his sister last night, and I told him to ask her if Oscar [his nephew] had any shoes that didn't fit him anymore. He's 8 months, and wears size 18-month-old clothes, and size 5 in shoes. He's big but he is sooooo cute! Jay only wears size 3. And she's almost 14 months! lol. So I think she's going to give us some. He doens't walk yet, and Nessa [Canito's sister] takes good care of her stuff. So thats good! I really hope everything turns out good. We also need to send Canito's child support for his son. We haven't had a chance to. Yesterday the post-office was closed, and today he's working. I think he's just going to have to drive down to his mom's house, or to my dad's house, and Nessa could meet up with him there, and he can give it to her. (he can't go to his mom's house cuz people over there don't know we're in PR. he's gonna tell his baby momma soon, so he can take care of his son! I'm excited about that!!) So thats whats been going on these past few days. Besides going food shopping on Saturday, and we finished yesterday, lol. I'm hot as hell cuz it's 86 here but feels like 100. I'm gonna take a shower. Till next time!
Quote of the day:
Have you ever heard a song from so long ago, with so many memories tied to it that it made you cry?
And didn't you wish that you could go back in time
to when everything was simple and carefree?
Those are the songs that are the soundtracks of our lives...
The ones that bring back our past.
-best friends-
-first loves-
-broken hearts-
-family-
&&
m.e.m.o.r.i.e.s.
good or bad.
This weekend didn't turn out as planned. I had all the time in the world to blog, but Canito was here, and he doesn't know about my blog. And I hope he never finds out. ;)
So, I was supposed to go to my dad's house this weekend to meet his new gf. I was really excited, cuz even though I don't know her, I already like her. My dad is all giddy, and happy, and he tells me how they try to see e.o whenever they can, even if only for 25 minutes. I can tell he's happy. Before he started dating her, he sounded kind of depressed, and just like blah about everything. But when he started dating her, he glows, you can hear the happiness in his voice. And I've NEVER seen my dad like that. EVER. So I'm so happy for him. So anyways, I called my dad to see what was going on, and he told me that Rosa had to work on Saturday so we'd reschedule for next weekend. On Saturday, I didn't hear from my dad ALL DAY LONG. I was worried as hell. I tried calling him. No answer. I called from Canito's phone. No answer. Canito called his mom, so she could call him. No answer. (My mother-in-law, and sister-in-law have a really good relationship with my dad. They talk often.)
At this point, I was crying, thinking the worst. Saying that this isn't like him, what if something happened to him? Canito and I got into an arguement, cuz instead of being supportive, he was telling me that he's fine, probably having sex. Then he made a comment saying, "For Jo [the ex] he'll pick up, but for you, he won't." (my dad was seeing Jo after they broke up. well, having sex with her. she wanted something more, so she would use sex to get it. she was trying to manipulate him into getting back together with her. she would give him what she she hardly ever did while they were together. after my dad told her he didn't wanna get back together with her, she stopped going to his house. i told him the same thing. i'm a woman. i knew what she was doing, the moment my dad told me he was seeing her again. shes a gold-diggin, munipulative, lieing (i think cheating) skeeze. she would still go out with her friends to clubs, while my dad stayed home. she's i think 42 now. thats for when your in your 20's not 40's. she need to leave that behind already.) I got defensive, and I yelled back, "NO! DON'T EVEN SAY THAT. FOR JO HE WON'T PICK UP. THEY'RE NOT TOGETHER ANYMORE. ROSA IS HIS GF NOW. THIS IS NOT LIKE HIM. HE'D CALL ME." "He doesn't have to tell you what he's doing all the time! He's probably having sex." he says. "It's not that I want him to tell me what he's doing. He'll call me just to say hi!" We go back and forth with the same bullshit, and then I say, "YOUR SO INSENSITIVE!" And he leaves to be with his friends. I finally heard from my dad, and I tell him how I was worried.
him: i'm so sorry. i was with rosa. you don't have to worry when i'm with her. and her brother came over to interview me about a product. you remember i told you. for his job, so he won't get fired.
me: ooo ok, and i wasn't worried if you were with her. i was worried in general. i thought something happened to you. i started thinking the worst, and it traumatized me.
him: i'm so sorry. [he apologized like 20 times.]
me: you don't have to apologize. i'm serious. i was just worried. its nothing to apologize for.
Then I tell him what happened with Canito. My father is very protective of me. Usually, he'd defend me, or say something like, "Talk to him. Let him know how you feel." But Saturday night, he defended Canito. I didn't mind at all. I think it's nice. I even started laughing, and I said, "I think it's so cute, that its like your seeing everything in color now. Your so happy." So we hang up, and I call Canito, and tell him that my dad called. I kept watching him from the window, cuz when he's hanging around with the asshole neighbor who only wants to hang out if he's drunk, or if his wife isn't there, he tends to disappear. Only up the block, but I don't like it. They were smoking a bogie, and around 1am, the other neighbor wants Canito to take him to the "store". He goes, and when he comes back, Asshole Neighbor wants to put Canito to smoke another bogie. I said fine. I call him around 2 to ask what time he's coming home, and to tell him that I'm going to bed. After I take a shower, I see the internet light is blinking. I turn it off just to piss him off. But then I turned it back on. We share internet with them, although they don't pay. We offered it to them before they stopped hanging out. So I call him again, and say, "Are you watching culo over there, or on Myspace?"
him: no he's showing me the game. how do you know we're using the internet?
me: the light is blinking, and i'm not using it.
him: A.N. says that the page closed out, did you turn it off?
me: no. it's blinking over here.
him: can you move it closer to the door?
me: ok i did it. what time are you coming home?
him: in a little bit. he's just showing me the game, and i'll go home.
me: it's 2:30 am already. can't he just show it to you tomorrow. or when he's not drunk? he's only your friend when he's drunk. and knowing you, "in a little bit" means another hour.
him: no. i'm just gonna see the game, and i'll be home.
me: well i'm going to bed, if your not home by 3, stay over there.
him: fine just leave the door open.
I go to sleep, wake up around 3, and I call him again.
me: i told you if you weren't home at this time, to stay over there. i'm locking the door. stay over there.
him: ok.
I locked the door. Top and bottom, cuz I really didn't want him here. And I turned off my phone. =D
4am rolls around. I turn my phone back on. Another phone call.
me: Canito. it's 4 am already. your still not home. what the fuck is the deal?
him: well you locked the door.
me: well since your chillin with your best friend, ask the asshole to let you sleep there.
him: fine. you locked the door anyways. i can't get in.
me: this is un-called for. i don't like this shit. but fuck it. stay over there, canito.
I hang up.
Around 4:30, he calls me from the window to open the door. I open it, don't say anything to him, and go back to bed. When I wake up, I start getting ready to wash clothes. We hadn't muttered 2 words to e.o. I then tell him that the horse is tied to the tree, and she can't eat anything, and to please pass me the pillow case, cuz I wanna wash it. We don't talk much for the rest of the day. He told me he was taking the other neighbor to the "store" and I said OK. That's about it. Then he washes the car, and afterwards, he's just outside, sitting there. I tried talking to him, but he ignored me. Then he was sitting in the car, and we finally talked. I told him I didn't like how he stayed out till 4:30 in the morning.
him: it was next door!
me: i don't care. i told you last night that i'm gonna start going out with my friends to see if you like it. you never replied back, cuz you don't like it.
him: its ok. i was only next door. but your gonna go out, and i'm gonna go out too.
me: even if i was here, outside till 4:30 in the morning you wouldn't like it. you know i don't go out. you don't invite me either.
him: [Asshole Neighbor's Wife] wants to be friends with you. but since all the shit that's happened she feels like she can't be friends with you.
me: THEY NEVER USED TO INVITE ME OVER TO THEIR HOUSE! IT WAS ALWAYS YOU YOU YOU! I'M NOT GONNA GO SOMEWHERE WHERE I'M NOT INVITED! I'D LOVE TO BE FRIENDS WITH HER, BUT HELLO. THEY NEVER INVITED ME.
him: i was only next door anyways.
me: i don't care. he only wants to be friends with you when he's drunk. i don't like that shit.
him: i know. he's not a real friend. and Joel [the other neighbor] tried to talk shit the other day, and i called him out on it today, and i told him not to come around anymore.
me: there's no friends around here.
him: i know. he only called when he needed something cuz we have a car, and the other one only calls when he's drunk.
We talk about money, cuz he had asked me earlier in the day for $20, and I told him no, cuz I needed it for the things we needed around the house. That's how it mainly started. The arguement. We agreed that we were both stressed out, and I hated that Jay was in the play-pen all the time. Since he's always with the roosters, he tracks grass and dirt in the house all the time. I like my house clean. So I told him to leave his shoes at the door. I didn't care if he had to keep taking them on and off. I also told him to buy some cheap sandals at Walgreens, or Walmart. The name-brand sandals he had broke. I even cried cuz I felt bad for Jay that she's always in the play-pen. It makes me feel like a bad mom to have her in there all the time.
He said he won't walk inside with shoes on anymore.
I also told him I felt bad cuz she hardly has any shoes. Everytime we get money it goes with the quickness. I want to buy her GOOD shoes, and cute lil sandals. I even told him that sometimes I think we were better off in NY. Over there, he had a good job. BUT we were living with his cousin, in a piece of shit room. No freedom. He bitched about everything. His ex was a fucking slob! I couldn't wash dishes sometimes, or the baby's bottles cuz the sink was full with her dirty dishes. I cooked in the other side of the house. They even bitched about me cooking, cuz I cooked late at night. Canito would get off at 10pm, sometimes later. Some meats taste nasty if you cook it, then reheat it. I like my food fresh. So does Canito. So we had a lil stove, and a microwave oven, pots, pans, etc. And I'd cook right next to our room.
So yeah, we felt the same way about thinking we were better of in NY. But here, we have our family. One day, hopefully soon one of us will have a job. I can feel it. He has that job in construction. But it's not stable. He's working today, actually. We were supposed to take the baby to ger her shot, and we argued about it, but I gave in, cuz we really need the money. We'll go next week, I promise. (her doctor only gives shots on Tuesday. around here, it's a first come first served, so we have to be there like at 7am.) And he's also going to buy her the $20 easy on-the-go stroller that I've wanted for a while now. I found one with a lil hood thing, to protect her from the sun. And she's old enough now to be in it. The stroller she has now is not a good one. The wheels don't turn when they're supposed to, and it's just ugh. So we're going to get the one I want. He also talked to his sister last night, and I told him to ask her if Oscar [his nephew] had any shoes that didn't fit him anymore. He's 8 months, and wears size 18-month-old clothes, and size 5 in shoes. He's big but he is sooooo cute! Jay only wears size 3. And she's almost 14 months! lol. So I think she's going to give us some. He doens't walk yet, and Nessa [Canito's sister] takes good care of her stuff. So thats good! I really hope everything turns out good. We also need to send Canito's child support for his son. We haven't had a chance to. Yesterday the post-office was closed, and today he's working. I think he's just going to have to drive down to his mom's house, or to my dad's house, and Nessa could meet up with him there, and he can give it to her. (he can't go to his mom's house cuz people over there don't know we're in PR. he's gonna tell his baby momma soon, so he can take care of his son! I'm excited about that!!) So thats whats been going on these past few days. Besides going food shopping on Saturday, and we finished yesterday, lol. I'm hot as hell cuz it's 86 here but feels like 100. I'm gonna take a shower. Till next time!
Quote of the day:
Have you ever heard a song from so long ago, with so many memories tied to it that it made you cry?
And didn't you wish that you could go back in time
to when everything was simple and carefree?
Those are the songs that are the soundtracks of our lives...
The ones that bring back our past.
-best friends-
-first loves-
-broken hearts-
-family-
&&
m.e.m.o.r.i.e.s.
good or bad.
Friday, March 19, 2010
The Mystery Is Solved
So last night, I was just home chillin'. Nothing out of the ordinary. I was pretty mad at Canito. He smokes. And I told him not to put the neighbor to smoke, but he did. It bothered the hell out of me, cuz the asshole next door doesn't put Canito to smoke. He only calls Canito when he's drunk, or if his wife isn't there. I got over it. But I didn't like it. Earlier in the day, he was using the computer, and I took a nap. When I got up, (I didn't sleep long. I couldn't cuz of the noise going on IDK where, and the damn HEAT!!!!) I went to the other room, to see what he was doing. I didn't see anything bad, so I asked if he was looking at "culo." (translated:ass, or i say culo, meaning porn, dirty things, etc..) He told me no. But then I told him to look at the history, and I saw something about "sexy girls dancing." He got all defensive! I was even laughing about it. It does bother me that he watches it, but damn, don't lie to me about it! I'd rather him watch it, then tell me, before he watches it, and lies to my face about it! Later on, he went to the supermarket, and coincidentally (hope I spelled it right!), he didn't close the browser. =D I went in. I checked the history, and saw that he was looking at quite a few videos. I called him, to ask if everything was ok, because he was taking long, and then I called him out on it. He said that he didn't want to argue. I wasn't trying to argue with him. It's starting to not bother me so much, cuz I'm kinda used to it, and he hasn't been watching them as often as he used to. But just don't lie about it. So ANYWAYS, we were good for the rest of the day, except about the nighbor part. But whatever. It's not that I don't like the neighbor, it's just IDK its shady that he only really talks to Canito when he's drunk or when his wife isn't home. His wife is the one who controls him. She even kinda beats him. LMFAO. Sorry. It might sound mean, but with my history, its a nice change for a man to be beaten by a woman!!!!!
I called my dad late last night, cuz I was worried about him. He has 2 jobs, as I've mentioned before, and he gets out of his 2nd job around 10pm. If he doesn't call, I automatically worry. We're best friends. He calls me 2-3 times daily. Including the one while he's on his way home, or before he goes to bed. But when I called him, he was fine. He was talking to his gf. At least, I think she's his girlfriend. They always talk. Well then, I have to ask. lol. So I tell my dad that Canito went out to get me some oreo ice cream cuz I was craving it. He didn't mention anything about my craving so late at night. I went to bed almost at 2am. I have a Sorority Life on Facebook. Well, I just started it yesterday, and it is AWESOME!!!! I know it sounds corny, but I like it. I also have 3 fish tanks on Happy Aquarium. So I was busy doing that. I took a shower, and went to bed. This morning, Jay woke me up by throwing a bottle at my face. It hurt. But I wasn't mad. She doesn't know any better. She throws EVERYTHING out of her play-pen cuz she's either bored with it, or she wants attention, lol.
So I get out of bed, and Canito shows me his eye, which is swollen. The other day, they called him in to work, and when he got home, he was complaining that his eye hurt. Maybe he has something stuck in there, or something. So yea, his eye is swollen. I tell him we either need to go to the hospital, or doctor, cuz it is dangerous. He even said he couldn't see all that good. That last night when he was driving, he couldn't see all that good. That is dangerous. Of course, he didn't want to go. He hates going to the doctor, because you have to wait. And he has no patience. So whatever. I go to the bathroom and what do I find? MY MENSTRUAL!!! I was thrilled! I knew I wasn't pregnant, but a girl worries, you know? Canito was relieved as well.
We were laying down in bed, and Jay was in the bed with us. She was sitting next to me, and she was just looking at me, and I her. Out of nowhere, she gives me a hug. I tell her, "Dame un peso." (translated: give me a dollar, but she thinks peso is beso, which means kiss.) And she gave me like another 2 hugs, then she leans in to give me a kiss! It was the most cutest thing ever!!!! She's so smart. =) So, I told Canito to get the eye drops from the bathroom, and I play-yelled, "GO!" And Jay thought I was screaming at her, so she started to cry! She went to Canito, and I was telling her, "No baby. I wasn't screaming at you, I was screaming at Daddy. Don't cry mami. Come here." So she came to me, and I said, "I'm sorry I scared you baby. You weren't doing anything wrong. It was at Daddy." So she calmed down. Then Canito gets up to get the eye drops, and I put the baby in the living room to watch Discovery Kids.
Canito and I started talking about what we were going to do. We were supposed to go to my Dad's house later on tonight, but he can't see that good, and I can't drive at night. So we decided on not going. I called my Dad, and he asks how I'm doing.
me: in pain
him: why? you got your menstrual?
me: yup
him: damn how did i know that?
We started laughing.
him: you know, last night i was scared when you told me you were craving ice cream at that time of night. [his gf] and i were saying that i was going to be a grandpa again.
me: (i laugh) NO! NOOOOOOOOO!
we both start laughing.
me: no! remember i told you i was worried, cuz it didn't come down, but i took a test, and it came out negative?
him: yeah.
me: yeah so i wasn't pregnant. i was extremely late, but not pregnant!
him: i have a concern.
me: what?
him: i'm worried about you guys coming down here so late at night. on a friday.
me: yeah i was gonna tell you that [canito's] eye is swollen, and he can't really see. idk if he complained about it while you were here, but now its swollen. hes using the eye drops to see if whatever he has in his eye- if anything- will come out.
(he stood over from wed. night to thursday.)
him: oh wow. yeah tell him to keep doing that. and just come over tomorrow early in the morning. can you be here around 8?
me: umm...yeah, we can.
him: ok, but try not to be late, otherwise you won't be able to meet Rosa, and [Rosa jr] (her baby)
me: ok. we'll be there.
(my dad's side of the family have like a curse or something for being late to everything, and being very clumsy, lol. i'd want to leave from my house around 10-11 to get to his house by 12, and we'd leave around the time that i wanted to be there, already. so canito and i decided that by 8, we should be on our way. like on the highway already. i really wanna meet her. this woman, that's making my dad soooooo happy. she's a winner, and i haven't even met her yet!)
We hang up, and I tell Canito. So everything worked out to a win/win situation. I am bummed though, because I really wanted to go in the pool. But now I can't. It's ok. I'll still go, but I won't get in the water, cuz I am in desperate need of a tan!!!! So, I'll let Jay go in the water with Canito, and I'll stay with [Rosa jr.]. I'll be relaxing. I need a book..... hmmm. I'm going to convince Canito to take me to Walmart so I can read while I'm tanning. ;)
Quote Of The Day:
"Be Careful With What You Do. Something You Do In An Instant, Can Cause You Heartache For Life."
I called my dad late last night, cuz I was worried about him. He has 2 jobs, as I've mentioned before, and he gets out of his 2nd job around 10pm. If he doesn't call, I automatically worry. We're best friends. He calls me 2-3 times daily. Including the one while he's on his way home, or before he goes to bed. But when I called him, he was fine. He was talking to his gf. At least, I think she's his girlfriend. They always talk. Well then, I have to ask. lol. So I tell my dad that Canito went out to get me some oreo ice cream cuz I was craving it. He didn't mention anything about my craving so late at night. I went to bed almost at 2am. I have a Sorority Life on Facebook. Well, I just started it yesterday, and it is AWESOME!!!! I know it sounds corny, but I like it. I also have 3 fish tanks on Happy Aquarium. So I was busy doing that. I took a shower, and went to bed. This morning, Jay woke me up by throwing a bottle at my face. It hurt. But I wasn't mad. She doesn't know any better. She throws EVERYTHING out of her play-pen cuz she's either bored with it, or she wants attention, lol.
So I get out of bed, and Canito shows me his eye, which is swollen. The other day, they called him in to work, and when he got home, he was complaining that his eye hurt. Maybe he has something stuck in there, or something. So yea, his eye is swollen. I tell him we either need to go to the hospital, or doctor, cuz it is dangerous. He even said he couldn't see all that good. That last night when he was driving, he couldn't see all that good. That is dangerous. Of course, he didn't want to go. He hates going to the doctor, because you have to wait. And he has no patience. So whatever. I go to the bathroom and what do I find? MY MENSTRUAL!!! I was thrilled! I knew I wasn't pregnant, but a girl worries, you know? Canito was relieved as well.
We were laying down in bed, and Jay was in the bed with us. She was sitting next to me, and she was just looking at me, and I her. Out of nowhere, she gives me a hug. I tell her, "Dame un peso." (translated: give me a dollar, but she thinks peso is beso, which means kiss.) And she gave me like another 2 hugs, then she leans in to give me a kiss! It was the most cutest thing ever!!!! She's so smart. =) So, I told Canito to get the eye drops from the bathroom, and I play-yelled, "GO!" And Jay thought I was screaming at her, so she started to cry! She went to Canito, and I was telling her, "No baby. I wasn't screaming at you, I was screaming at Daddy. Don't cry mami. Come here." So she came to me, and I said, "I'm sorry I scared you baby. You weren't doing anything wrong. It was at Daddy." So she calmed down. Then Canito gets up to get the eye drops, and I put the baby in the living room to watch Discovery Kids.
Canito and I started talking about what we were going to do. We were supposed to go to my Dad's house later on tonight, but he can't see that good, and I can't drive at night. So we decided on not going. I called my Dad, and he asks how I'm doing.
me: in pain
him: why? you got your menstrual?
me: yup
him: damn how did i know that?
We started laughing.
him: you know, last night i was scared when you told me you were craving ice cream at that time of night. [his gf] and i were saying that i was going to be a grandpa again.
me: (i laugh) NO! NOOOOOOOOO!
we both start laughing.
me: no! remember i told you i was worried, cuz it didn't come down, but i took a test, and it came out negative?
him: yeah.
me: yeah so i wasn't pregnant. i was extremely late, but not pregnant!
him: i have a concern.
me: what?
him: i'm worried about you guys coming down here so late at night. on a friday.
me: yeah i was gonna tell you that [canito's] eye is swollen, and he can't really see. idk if he complained about it while you were here, but now its swollen. hes using the eye drops to see if whatever he has in his eye- if anything- will come out.
(he stood over from wed. night to thursday.)
him: oh wow. yeah tell him to keep doing that. and just come over tomorrow early in the morning. can you be here around 8?
me: umm...yeah, we can.
him: ok, but try not to be late, otherwise you won't be able to meet Rosa, and [Rosa jr] (her baby)
me: ok. we'll be there.
(my dad's side of the family have like a curse or something for being late to everything, and being very clumsy, lol. i'd want to leave from my house around 10-11 to get to his house by 12, and we'd leave around the time that i wanted to be there, already. so canito and i decided that by 8, we should be on our way. like on the highway already. i really wanna meet her. this woman, that's making my dad soooooo happy. she's a winner, and i haven't even met her yet!)
We hang up, and I tell Canito. So everything worked out to a win/win situation. I am bummed though, because I really wanted to go in the pool. But now I can't. It's ok. I'll still go, but I won't get in the water, cuz I am in desperate need of a tan!!!! So, I'll let Jay go in the water with Canito, and I'll stay with [Rosa jr.]. I'll be relaxing. I need a book..... hmmm. I'm going to convince Canito to take me to Walmart so I can read while I'm tanning. ;)
Quote Of The Day:
"Be Careful With What You Do. Something You Do In An Instant, Can Cause You Heartache For Life."
Thursday, March 18, 2010
So Far, So Good
Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't been blogging lately. My life just seems sooo....drama free! WOOHOO! YAY ME! lol.
Hmm. Let's see. Last week, Canito and I got into 2 big arguements. I deleted his side on the computer. TWICE. He has like this porn obsession, and it really bothers me. I have self-esteem issues as it is. That doesn't help. AT ALL! So when I call him out on it, it bothers him. Also, lately we haven't really had a sex life, but yesterday, we finally got caught up on it! He woke me up 2 night in a row for some, like 5 days ago. And then yesterday. IDK why, being as I still haven't gotten my menstrual. But whatever. He didn't have his own screen name on my computer to watch porn, so HA! lol. I made another one for him though. And while we were arguing last week, I called him out on not spending any time with the baby and I, but it's actually gotten A LOT better! I have been VERY happy lately. I get up in this like, IDK.....sunshine mood, lol. The first day we started arguing, I got up on the wrong side of the bed, I might add. =D But then, everything got better. The next day, OMG the fight we had was HORRIBLE! We started calling eachother unpleasant names, and he said he wasn't even going to sleep here. All I said was OK. Then I told him to take me to my Dad's house, since I didn't have a reason to be here (meaning my house). I told him as well, "YOU HAVE THE BALLS TO SAY THAT SHIT TO ME, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE THE BALLS TO APOLOGIZE!" He says, "I'VE WANTED TO APOLOGIZE FOR A WHILE NOW, BUT YOUR GOING TO STAY MAD, ANYWAYS. SO WHAT'S THE POINT?"
me: LET ME STAY MAD THEN! AT LEAST YOUR SAYING YOUR SORRY!
Things didn't really budge from there. He just started pissing me off, even more, calling me crazy! It's not the first time. I know I can act crazy sometimes, so whatever. But it got a whole lot better a few minutes after we hung up (we were talking on the phone, because he was on the other block from where we live, with his friend). This creepy guy came to my house, (it's a house, with 2 apartments in it. one in front, and ours in back.) and he couldn't find my neighbor, so he came to my house! We always leave the door open, because it's a safe neighborhood, and we have a curtain up, because the door is glass. Or whatever material it is. It's like plastic glass, lol. SO...he starts calling for someone to answer him, then as I'm walking to the door, he opens the curtain slightly.
me: yes?
him: do you know where [neighbor lady] is? i'm her husband.
me: no. she doens't really live there anymore. she's been staying with her mother.
him: oh, ok. i haven't seen her in a while. she has my son.
me: oh, ok.
him: ok. thank you.
I'm kind of freaked out by this point, because I have NEVER -in the almost-year that we have lived here,- seen him. Then he comes back, AGAIN! I open the curtain, this time, only slightly.
me: yes?
him: can i use your bathroom. i really need to pee.
me: no, im sorry my husband isn't here.
him: oh, ok i'm sorry.
So he goes back to the front of the house, and I call Canito.
me: Canito, come home now, please! There's this strange guy, and he's looking for NL, and he says he's her husband, then he asked to use the bathroom, and I told him no, because you aren't here.
He starts running to the house, and I tell him Creepy Guy is in a 4 door white car, with a green striped shirt on. Canito goes running to the car, and asks the guy what his deal was, and through all of this, we were still on the phone. The guy was crapping his pants. In the end, I felt bad, because Canito told me the guy had peed his pants. It was clearly showing. But hello??? Who the hell would let some stranger into their house, with their daughter being there, and no one to protect us?? HELL NO! Let him pee his pants. I'm not going to put my daughter in danger! That guy could have been a rapist for all I know! I did the right thing. I was protecting my daughter, and myself. I will protect her from everything that I have the power to protect her from. So yeah. After that, Canito came home, and he apologized to me, and I apologized back, and all was well again. Since then, which was like Thursday, and Friday, we haven't argued! WOOHOO!!!!
Saturday, we went to my Dad's house to stay the night. I missed hanging out with him. My Dad is my best friend. And I'll tell you this, he is NOT like other Dad's (in a good way). He actually talks to me about sex, openly. Not the whole birds and the bees speech. I mean, come on. It's too late for that! lmao. He actually tells me, to never stop having sex with Canito. And to have LOTS of sex! It actually is important in a relationship. Not the MOST important, but it is a very big part of a relationship. Would you rather your man, or woman cheat on you before you give them a piece? Come on! Sex isn't bad! It's fun! Go to cosmopolitan.com and look up new sex moves to spruce-up your sex life. But give in, before they give up. ANYWAYS! Yeah, my Dad is ghetto. Lol. He never had a chance to talk to me about sex, or drugs, or anything, because my mom took me away from him when I was 12. Then we were 6 years without talking, because of my mom. That's one of the many reasons my mom and I don't talk today. But that's for a whole other post! So yeah, when we got to my dad's house, we went to the pool!!!! I was so happy. It had been FOREVER since I went to the pool! And Jay!!! She LOVED IT!!!! When we first moved to PR, we'd go to the pool, and she'd start splashing, and we'd tell her, "Nada! Nada!" Which means swim, in spanish. And she'd start kicking her legs, and moving her arms, trying to swim! It was just soooo adorable. She didn't do that on Saturday, tho. Could be cuz she forgot. It has been a while since we've been in the pool.
Saturday night, we went to my Grandpa's house to watch the boxing match. I didn't stay long, because the baby does NOT like violence for anything, and she'll start crying, and getting fussy. So around 10:30pm, Canito took me back to my dad's house. I put the baby to sleep as soon as we got there. She KNOCKED OUT! lol. Canito went back, and I was bored, with no internet. So I finished washing the load of clothes I had brought, and I finished washing my dad's clothes, and I folded them. (I know! I'm such a good daughter! lmao! jk) I did it because, come on. It's the LEAST I can do for everything my dad is doing for us right now. My dad is also seeing someone! I am excited for him! HE'S SMITTEN!!!! She sounds like SUCK A GOOD PERSON! She's young, but mature. She has a 2 month-old baby, which I hear is almost bigger than my daughter lol. Breast-fed babies usually are bigger. Jay was breast-fed, well I pumped, since she never took the breast. My milk came in late, so in the hospital, they gave her a bottle right away, and she stood with the bottle. I pumped for 3 months, but it's just UGH! My dad's GF is breast-feeding. So that's why her daughter is so big. Jay was kinda chunky while i was BF, but now she's not SKINNY SKINNY, but she's average. So yeah, I am SOOOOOOO happy for my dad.
I will either meet her tomorrow, or Saturday. Depends on her schedule, because she works on Sat at 2pm. I am excited to meet her. I have never seen my dad so happy, and glowing. EVER. So hey, if someone can make my dad happy, I'm happy. All I want for him is for him to be happy. His ex is nice, but may I just say, GOLD DIGGER!!!! She wanted everything for her son's. When my dad got me a car, OMG the face she had! Since we lived upstairs (my dad has a 2-floor condo) she was mad. That was her "study place". Bitch, that's why you have your room! Since my dad pays all my bills, and doesn't hesitate if I ask for something (not often, I promise. I am spoiled, but I don't act it! I learned to be independant at a young age because of my mom. I hate that he pays for everything. But with this economy, we can't get a job) if we need it, she would complain. Even when my Grandma needed something, and my dad jumped to get it for her, The Ex-"Mom" bitched about it. "How come when I ask for something you don't want to get it for me, but when your mom asks, you don't hesitate?" HER WORDS! My dad's: "Because she's my mom." OMG. After Canito, Jay, and I moved to our apt., we took some towels, cuz hello, we didn't have any. She complained, saying, "You should have asked me." My dad said, "She's my daughter. I will give her whatever she needs. You don't have authority to tell me what I can, and cannot give my daughter. If I have to give her my life, I will."
I know. My dad is so sweet ♥
((happy sigh)) I'm happy that my dad is happy.
I'm waiting for him to call me, so I'll know what time go over there tomorrow. We're spending the night again =). I'm also happy, that for now, theres no drama. I hope I don't jinx myself!
Quote of the day:
"Age ain't nothin' but a number!"
Hmm. Let's see. Last week, Canito and I got into 2 big arguements. I deleted his side on the computer. TWICE. He has like this porn obsession, and it really bothers me. I have self-esteem issues as it is. That doesn't help. AT ALL! So when I call him out on it, it bothers him. Also, lately we haven't really had a sex life, but yesterday, we finally got caught up on it! He woke me up 2 night in a row for some, like 5 days ago. And then yesterday. IDK why, being as I still haven't gotten my menstrual. But whatever. He didn't have his own screen name on my computer to watch porn, so HA! lol. I made another one for him though. And while we were arguing last week, I called him out on not spending any time with the baby and I, but it's actually gotten A LOT better! I have been VERY happy lately. I get up in this like, IDK.....sunshine mood, lol. The first day we started arguing, I got up on the wrong side of the bed, I might add. =D But then, everything got better. The next day, OMG the fight we had was HORRIBLE! We started calling eachother unpleasant names, and he said he wasn't even going to sleep here. All I said was OK. Then I told him to take me to my Dad's house, since I didn't have a reason to be here (meaning my house). I told him as well, "YOU HAVE THE BALLS TO SAY THAT SHIT TO ME, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE THE BALLS TO APOLOGIZE!" He says, "I'VE WANTED TO APOLOGIZE FOR A WHILE NOW, BUT YOUR GOING TO STAY MAD, ANYWAYS. SO WHAT'S THE POINT?"
me: LET ME STAY MAD THEN! AT LEAST YOUR SAYING YOUR SORRY!
Things didn't really budge from there. He just started pissing me off, even more, calling me crazy! It's not the first time. I know I can act crazy sometimes, so whatever. But it got a whole lot better a few minutes after we hung up (we were talking on the phone, because he was on the other block from where we live, with his friend). This creepy guy came to my house, (it's a house, with 2 apartments in it. one in front, and ours in back.) and he couldn't find my neighbor, so he came to my house! We always leave the door open, because it's a safe neighborhood, and we have a curtain up, because the door is glass. Or whatever material it is. It's like plastic glass, lol. SO...he starts calling for someone to answer him, then as I'm walking to the door, he opens the curtain slightly.
me: yes?
him: do you know where [neighbor lady] is? i'm her husband.
me: no. she doens't really live there anymore. she's been staying with her mother.
him: oh, ok. i haven't seen her in a while. she has my son.
me: oh, ok.
him: ok. thank you.
I'm kind of freaked out by this point, because I have NEVER -in the almost-year that we have lived here,- seen him. Then he comes back, AGAIN! I open the curtain, this time, only slightly.
me: yes?
him: can i use your bathroom. i really need to pee.
me: no, im sorry my husband isn't here.
him: oh, ok i'm sorry.
So he goes back to the front of the house, and I call Canito.
me: Canito, come home now, please! There's this strange guy, and he's looking for NL, and he says he's her husband, then he asked to use the bathroom, and I told him no, because you aren't here.
He starts running to the house, and I tell him Creepy Guy is in a 4 door white car, with a green striped shirt on. Canito goes running to the car, and asks the guy what his deal was, and through all of this, we were still on the phone. The guy was crapping his pants. In the end, I felt bad, because Canito told me the guy had peed his pants. It was clearly showing. But hello??? Who the hell would let some stranger into their house, with their daughter being there, and no one to protect us?? HELL NO! Let him pee his pants. I'm not going to put my daughter in danger! That guy could have been a rapist for all I know! I did the right thing. I was protecting my daughter, and myself. I will protect her from everything that I have the power to protect her from. So yeah. After that, Canito came home, and he apologized to me, and I apologized back, and all was well again. Since then, which was like Thursday, and Friday, we haven't argued! WOOHOO!!!!
Saturday, we went to my Dad's house to stay the night. I missed hanging out with him. My Dad is my best friend. And I'll tell you this, he is NOT like other Dad's (in a good way). He actually talks to me about sex, openly. Not the whole birds and the bees speech. I mean, come on. It's too late for that! lmao. He actually tells me, to never stop having sex with Canito. And to have LOTS of sex! It actually is important in a relationship. Not the MOST important, but it is a very big part of a relationship. Would you rather your man, or woman cheat on you before you give them a piece? Come on! Sex isn't bad! It's fun! Go to cosmopolitan.com and look up new sex moves to spruce-up your sex life. But give in, before they give up. ANYWAYS! Yeah, my Dad is ghetto. Lol. He never had a chance to talk to me about sex, or drugs, or anything, because my mom took me away from him when I was 12. Then we were 6 years without talking, because of my mom. That's one of the many reasons my mom and I don't talk today. But that's for a whole other post! So yeah, when we got to my dad's house, we went to the pool!!!! I was so happy. It had been FOREVER since I went to the pool! And Jay!!! She LOVED IT!!!! When we first moved to PR, we'd go to the pool, and she'd start splashing, and we'd tell her, "Nada! Nada!" Which means swim, in spanish. And she'd start kicking her legs, and moving her arms, trying to swim! It was just soooo adorable. She didn't do that on Saturday, tho. Could be cuz she forgot. It has been a while since we've been in the pool.
Saturday night, we went to my Grandpa's house to watch the boxing match. I didn't stay long, because the baby does NOT like violence for anything, and she'll start crying, and getting fussy. So around 10:30pm, Canito took me back to my dad's house. I put the baby to sleep as soon as we got there. She KNOCKED OUT! lol. Canito went back, and I was bored, with no internet. So I finished washing the load of clothes I had brought, and I finished washing my dad's clothes, and I folded them. (I know! I'm such a good daughter! lmao! jk) I did it because, come on. It's the LEAST I can do for everything my dad is doing for us right now. My dad is also seeing someone! I am excited for him! HE'S SMITTEN!!!! She sounds like SUCK A GOOD PERSON! She's young, but mature. She has a 2 month-old baby, which I hear is almost bigger than my daughter lol. Breast-fed babies usually are bigger. Jay was breast-fed, well I pumped, since she never took the breast. My milk came in late, so in the hospital, they gave her a bottle right away, and she stood with the bottle. I pumped for 3 months, but it's just UGH! My dad's GF is breast-feeding. So that's why her daughter is so big. Jay was kinda chunky while i was BF, but now she's not SKINNY SKINNY, but she's average. So yeah, I am SOOOOOOO happy for my dad.
I will either meet her tomorrow, or Saturday. Depends on her schedule, because she works on Sat at 2pm. I am excited to meet her. I have never seen my dad so happy, and glowing. EVER. So hey, if someone can make my dad happy, I'm happy. All I want for him is for him to be happy. His ex is nice, but may I just say, GOLD DIGGER!!!! She wanted everything for her son's. When my dad got me a car, OMG the face she had! Since we lived upstairs (my dad has a 2-floor condo) she was mad. That was her "study place". Bitch, that's why you have your room! Since my dad pays all my bills, and doesn't hesitate if I ask for something (not often, I promise. I am spoiled, but I don't act it! I learned to be independant at a young age because of my mom. I hate that he pays for everything. But with this economy, we can't get a job) if we need it, she would complain. Even when my Grandma needed something, and my dad jumped to get it for her, The Ex-"Mom" bitched about it. "How come when I ask for something you don't want to get it for me, but when your mom asks, you don't hesitate?" HER WORDS! My dad's: "Because she's my mom." OMG. After Canito, Jay, and I moved to our apt., we took some towels, cuz hello, we didn't have any. She complained, saying, "You should have asked me." My dad said, "She's my daughter. I will give her whatever she needs. You don't have authority to tell me what I can, and cannot give my daughter. If I have to give her my life, I will."
I know. My dad is so sweet ♥
((happy sigh)) I'm happy that my dad is happy.
I'm waiting for him to call me, so I'll know what time go over there tomorrow. We're spending the night again =). I'm also happy, that for now, theres no drama. I hope I don't jinx myself!
Quote of the day:
"Age ain't nothin' but a number!"
Monday, March 8, 2010
The Suspense!!!
OMG! I have absolutely GREAT....and I mean GREAT news!!!!!!!!!!
I am so happy, and greatful!
So...today I DID go to the Lab. We went around 1, because we got up late (thats the joy of being unemplyed...we get to sleep in!!!). So we go, and when I go in to the Lab, I gave the lady my presciption for the pregnancy test. Then as I'm looking in my wallet to find my insurance card, I remembered it wasn't there. I left it in my other bag, from when I went to the doc's on Saturday. I never put it back in my wallet. Shit. I tell the secretary, "I left my insurance card at home. What time do you close?"
"5pm", she says.
"Ok. I'll be back in a bit."
So I go outside laughing, (because this is sooo typical me) and Canito is waiting for me in the car, and I tell him I left my insurance card at home. I say, "Let's just go to Papi's house, pick up the clothes (for my interview on Wednesday) and we'll come back." Then on second thought, I say, "Wait, by the time we get to Papi's house it will be around 2:30 already (it's an hours drive), and when we get back, it'll be allmost 4. Then we have to go home, get the card, go back, and by the time the results are ready, it'll be closed already. So let's go home first. If anything, we can go to Papi's house tomorrow, after I take the baby to the doctor to get her shot."
"So what are we going to do?" Canito asks me.
"Let's go home, and get the card."
We go home, get the card, and on our way back, I tell him, "Ok, go back to the Lab, so I can get the test done already."
"But didn't you just say we were going to your Dad's house?"
"No. I said we were going to pick up the card, go back to the Lab and we can go tomorrow. It's already getting late, and the traffic is going to be bad. We'll never have enough time to go to Papi's house, THEN get the test done", I say.
Canito starts cursing all sorts of curses. He curses like a sailor.
I tell him, "Your getting mad over nothing."
He keeps cursing, and on our way to the Lab, he says, "I don't want to keep getting mad, and stressed. " I tell him, "Your getting mad because you want to get mad. I told you this already. Lets get the test done, and we can go to Papi's house tomorrow, after the baby gets her shot."
"And then we have to wait an hour for that shit? It can wait", he says. I don't say anything, and just let him argue by himself.
I go back to the Lab, and he waits in the car. I get my blood drawn, and might I add, that the shit hurt like a mother fucker. (Pardon my french.) That lady DOES NOT know how to take blood. I hate needles with a passion. More, if they hurt. Not all needles hurt, but that bitch doesn't know how to draw blood. I don't know if the needle was really big, or it was just her, but it hurt like hell. I think I was more nervous (I had butterflies, and I was shakey to do the test) to get my blood drawn.
I remember one time we took Jay there, to get her blood drawn, for WIC. Her hemoblogine. If thats how you spell it. OMG! She had to use a tiny needle, and the bitch couldn't get her vein, and because she couldn't get her vein, she kept having to move the needle. Through all this, the baby wasn't crying AT ALL untill the bitch had to keep moving the needle. So Jay starts crying, and the nurse takes out the needle, and puts a band-aid. She then says, "I'm gonna have to pintch her again."
By that point I was getting pissed, and Canito was already pissed. Who likes to see their child suffer? I know some mother's do, because they don't give a damn, but that's not me. I hate to see my baby suffer. When I was in the hospital with Swine Flu, I stood there a week. And during that week, Jay had Swine Flu as well. She didn't stay in the hospital. They gave her the medicine- Tamiflu. Canito took care of her BY HIMSELF that whole week. He was the one who took her to the hospital. She was already sick by that time. And people were telling him, Wow your doing it by yourself?" He'd say, "Yeah, because my wife is in the hospital with SF." And they'd tell him, "Your a great Dad. Not a lot of Dad's would do that." What Dad takes his 9 month-old daughter to the hospital, by himself? He did. ♥ So right there he finally confessed that he was stressed, because he felt so alone, and he missed me. And when we found out she had SF, she just kept crying, and crying. And if she was crying, it would make Canito feel bad, because he didn't know what to do. It wasn't because she was sick, because before she went to the hospital, she was fine. Sick, but without complaining. She had to get her blood drawn, a shot in her butt, plus a supository. Through all of this, I couldn't be there for her. I was hysterical in the hospital. Canito was calm. But the same thing he confessed in the hospital, he confessed to his mom, and it was his mom who told me how he felt. He didn't want to tell me, so I wouldn't get more stressed out. It was just heart-breaking. One day he called me, and said, "Ma, she doesn't want to stop crying." He was crying along with her. =( She felt bad, and the medicine made her throw up. I tell him, "Calm down, your doing such a great job. Your a wonderful father. You can do this. Put her in the play-pen with your phone. Clean the floor, and then put her on the floor to crawl. She'll stay calm."
We hang up, and she calmed down after she started crawling. She loves being on the floor.
On another night, he calls me, and says she has a fever of 105. I flip out, because hello? I'm in the hospital! I get hysterical, I tell him, "Please tell me your lying." He says, "No. The thermometer says 105." I say get her stuff ready, and rush to the hospital. I call my dad tell him whats going on. He tries to calm me down, saying that if I don't they were going to keep me in the hospital for longer, blablabla. I call Canito back, and ask, "Canito, are you sure it said 105, or 100.5?" He says, "100.5." A wave of relief washed over me, and I say to myself, "Thank you, God." So I tell Canito, "She's fine. She has a very low fever. Give her some Tylenol, and check her again in a half hour." We hang up, and I call my dad back. He called me like 5 times while I was talking to Canito. And I say, "I'm sorry for how I reacted, she's fine. [Canito] read the thermometer wrong." So my point is, I was hysterical just about the whole time I knew that my baby had SF, and I'm in the hospital, and I couldn't take care of her. Canito did an EXCELLENT job by himself, but I wanted to be with her. I hated that she was suffering. I prayed SO MUCH for her, just asking God to protect her, make her better, and just please not to take her away from me. She's my life. I'd die if something happened to her. (God forbid)
So like I was saying, (about the time in the Lab, when we needed to ged Jay's blood drawn, for WIC) the nurse was just hurting my baby. Then she asks, "What is this for?" And I say, "WIC."
"Oh, okay. We only need a little bit of blood, then. And I can get it from her finger." OMG! All that, putting my baby through hell, when all she had to do was read the damn paper, or ask me?!?!?!
But yeah, she doesn't know how to deal with needles.
So anywho.... she takes my blood, tells me to come back in an hour, and that was that. I go back to the car, and Canito starts driving, towards Papi's house. He's calm by then. I mean, when I got to the car he was smiling, and clapping, because I finished so fast. So we're on our way to Papi's house, and we're not even half way there, and it's already 3, theres major traffic, and a lot of trucks on the highway. (I hate trucks. I'm terrified of them.) And we're both just like, "Oh hell no." I tell him, "This is why I told you to let's go tomorrow." He says, "Yeah, and when we come back, there's going to be even more traffic, because the kids are getting out of school. Want me to turn around?" "Yes." He says, "Ok. Lets just drive a little more to stop and get some Alcapurrias." (IDK if I spelled that right. But they are DELICIOUS!)
So we stop and get them, and we turn around. And we're half-way there and he starts making fun of the way I drive, lol. I drive with the seat close to the steering-wheel. Even if it's not close I still lean forward. I'm scared of driving. I love to drive, but I'm scared of it. And I have a short attention span, so I don't always see things that I should. But he was exaggerating. So I start laughing, and say, "I don't drive like that. Let me drive. And I'll let you go out tonight." I had told him earlier that he couldn't go anywhere because we needed to save gas, and he had already spent money earlier in Walgreens. So he lets me drive, and we get to our hometown pretty quickly. I turn in the direction of the Lab. We get there, and I pull over, go inside, and ask for my results. I get them, and thankfully the secretary put it in an envelope, because I was just toooo paranoid to read them. I go outside, and where I pulled over, you can't stay, so Canito drove a little untill I came out. I waited about 3 minutes, and when I see him I start laughing. IDK why. I think I was just nervous for the results.
I get inthe car and ask, "Are you ready for the results? I haven't read them yet. I'm too scared." He makes like a scared look, and I start laughing, and he says, "Open it."
"Pull over." I tell him. You know just in case it's positive, I don't want him driving into someone. (After I told him I was pregnant when I went to the hospital with SF, he stood so quiet. I had to call his name a couple of times so he could snap out of his shock lmao.)
So he looks for a place, and there's no parking, so he says, "Just open it."
I take a deep breath, and open it. I hadn't even taken it out of the envelope, and Canito says, "You did open it. The envelope wasn't closed."
"No. The secretary gave it to me like that."
So I take it out, and it says, "PREGNANCY TEST BY STAT-PAK METHOD........... NEGATIVE"
I kind of screamed, "IT'S NEGATIVE!!!"
"IT'S NEGATIVE, FOR REAL?" Canito asks.
I say, "YES! LOOK! WOOHOO!"
And he does the same, "woohoo!"
We were exstatic. We would love to have ONE more kid in the FUTURE. When Jay is AT LEAST 4. It's just too soon. I'd be taking care of 2 babies. Jay wouldn't even have been 2 yet. Neither one of us have a job either. So it's for the best. If it would have said positive, I would have kept it, obviously. I'm not going to have an abortion, just because we don't have a job. There are ways to raise kids without a job. If it weren't for my dad, we'd be totally screwed, but we would have been able to do it. We would have 9-10 months for Canito to get a job. There was time. I wasn't worried. It's just not the right time, right now.
So yeah. I'M NOT PREGNANT!!!! It's a HUGE relief. I don't want to take Jay's "babyness" from her, you know. I want her to have my undivided attention. And she is one jealous baby. When I was in the hospital with the SF, one time I talked to her on the phone, and I was just saying how I missed her, and loved her, and couldn't wait to see her. She stayed quiet throught all of that. But then I tell her, "Your going to be a big sister!" And she started screaming. She understands like you wouldn't believe, that little one. I just don't know why my menstrual still hasn't come down. It's weird. Maybe the change of weather, since it's been a little chilly these past few days. Or something else. IDK. I need to go back to the doc's if it doesn't come this month. But hey, a month without a cycle is fine with me! SO yeah. I'm happy she's MY ONLY child for now. She has an older brother, but since Canito can't see him (his son's mother doesn't know we live in PR cuz she's a bitch), Jay always has ALL of our attention. And I like that she's MY ONLY child for now. In the future, when she understands a lot more, and she doesn't get jealous, and when she starts pre-school, we'll talk about having another kid. Depending on how we are financially. But not now.
And this is getting really long so, till tmrw my readers, if I have more than I know about already, great!
Quote of the day:
"Being a mother is the greatest accomplishment I could have ever dreamed of achieving. It is the one the thing I do the very best at in this life!"
I am so happy, and greatful!
So...today I DID go to the Lab. We went around 1, because we got up late (thats the joy of being unemplyed...we get to sleep in!!!). So we go, and when I go in to the Lab, I gave the lady my presciption for the pregnancy test. Then as I'm looking in my wallet to find my insurance card, I remembered it wasn't there. I left it in my other bag, from when I went to the doc's on Saturday. I never put it back in my wallet. Shit. I tell the secretary, "I left my insurance card at home. What time do you close?"
"5pm", she says.
"Ok. I'll be back in a bit."
So I go outside laughing, (because this is sooo typical me) and Canito is waiting for me in the car, and I tell him I left my insurance card at home. I say, "Let's just go to Papi's house, pick up the clothes (for my interview on Wednesday) and we'll come back." Then on second thought, I say, "Wait, by the time we get to Papi's house it will be around 2:30 already (it's an hours drive), and when we get back, it'll be allmost 4. Then we have to go home, get the card, go back, and by the time the results are ready, it'll be closed already. So let's go home first. If anything, we can go to Papi's house tomorrow, after I take the baby to the doctor to get her shot."
"So what are we going to do?" Canito asks me.
"Let's go home, and get the card."
We go home, get the card, and on our way back, I tell him, "Ok, go back to the Lab, so I can get the test done already."
"But didn't you just say we were going to your Dad's house?"
"No. I said we were going to pick up the card, go back to the Lab and we can go tomorrow. It's already getting late, and the traffic is going to be bad. We'll never have enough time to go to Papi's house, THEN get the test done", I say.
Canito starts cursing all sorts of curses. He curses like a sailor.
I tell him, "Your getting mad over nothing."
He keeps cursing, and on our way to the Lab, he says, "I don't want to keep getting mad, and stressed. " I tell him, "Your getting mad because you want to get mad. I told you this already. Lets get the test done, and we can go to Papi's house tomorrow, after the baby gets her shot."
"And then we have to wait an hour for that shit? It can wait", he says. I don't say anything, and just let him argue by himself.
I go back to the Lab, and he waits in the car. I get my blood drawn, and might I add, that the shit hurt like a mother fucker. (Pardon my french.) That lady DOES NOT know how to take blood. I hate needles with a passion. More, if they hurt. Not all needles hurt, but that bitch doesn't know how to draw blood. I don't know if the needle was really big, or it was just her, but it hurt like hell. I think I was more nervous (I had butterflies, and I was shakey to do the test) to get my blood drawn.
I remember one time we took Jay there, to get her blood drawn, for WIC. Her hemoblogine. If thats how you spell it. OMG! She had to use a tiny needle, and the bitch couldn't get her vein, and because she couldn't get her vein, she kept having to move the needle. Through all this, the baby wasn't crying AT ALL untill the bitch had to keep moving the needle. So Jay starts crying, and the nurse takes out the needle, and puts a band-aid. She then says, "I'm gonna have to pintch her again."
By that point I was getting pissed, and Canito was already pissed. Who likes to see their child suffer? I know some mother's do, because they don't give a damn, but that's not me. I hate to see my baby suffer. When I was in the hospital with Swine Flu, I stood there a week. And during that week, Jay had Swine Flu as well. She didn't stay in the hospital. They gave her the medicine- Tamiflu. Canito took care of her BY HIMSELF that whole week. He was the one who took her to the hospital. She was already sick by that time. And people were telling him, Wow your doing it by yourself?" He'd say, "Yeah, because my wife is in the hospital with SF." And they'd tell him, "Your a great Dad. Not a lot of Dad's would do that." What Dad takes his 9 month-old daughter to the hospital, by himself? He did. ♥ So right there he finally confessed that he was stressed, because he felt so alone, and he missed me. And when we found out she had SF, she just kept crying, and crying. And if she was crying, it would make Canito feel bad, because he didn't know what to do. It wasn't because she was sick, because before she went to the hospital, she was fine. Sick, but without complaining. She had to get her blood drawn, a shot in her butt, plus a supository. Through all of this, I couldn't be there for her. I was hysterical in the hospital. Canito was calm. But the same thing he confessed in the hospital, he confessed to his mom, and it was his mom who told me how he felt. He didn't want to tell me, so I wouldn't get more stressed out. It was just heart-breaking. One day he called me, and said, "Ma, she doesn't want to stop crying." He was crying along with her. =( She felt bad, and the medicine made her throw up. I tell him, "Calm down, your doing such a great job. Your a wonderful father. You can do this. Put her in the play-pen with your phone. Clean the floor, and then put her on the floor to crawl. She'll stay calm."
We hang up, and she calmed down after she started crawling. She loves being on the floor.
On another night, he calls me, and says she has a fever of 105. I flip out, because hello? I'm in the hospital! I get hysterical, I tell him, "Please tell me your lying." He says, "No. The thermometer says 105." I say get her stuff ready, and rush to the hospital. I call my dad tell him whats going on. He tries to calm me down, saying that if I don't they were going to keep me in the hospital for longer, blablabla. I call Canito back, and ask, "Canito, are you sure it said 105, or 100.5?" He says, "100.5." A wave of relief washed over me, and I say to myself, "Thank you, God." So I tell Canito, "She's fine. She has a very low fever. Give her some Tylenol, and check her again in a half hour." We hang up, and I call my dad back. He called me like 5 times while I was talking to Canito. And I say, "I'm sorry for how I reacted, she's fine. [Canito] read the thermometer wrong." So my point is, I was hysterical just about the whole time I knew that my baby had SF, and I'm in the hospital, and I couldn't take care of her. Canito did an EXCELLENT job by himself, but I wanted to be with her. I hated that she was suffering. I prayed SO MUCH for her, just asking God to protect her, make her better, and just please not to take her away from me. She's my life. I'd die if something happened to her. (God forbid)
So like I was saying, (about the time in the Lab, when we needed to ged Jay's blood drawn, for WIC) the nurse was just hurting my baby. Then she asks, "What is this for?" And I say, "WIC."
"Oh, okay. We only need a little bit of blood, then. And I can get it from her finger." OMG! All that, putting my baby through hell, when all she had to do was read the damn paper, or ask me?!?!?!
But yeah, she doesn't know how to deal with needles.
So anywho.... she takes my blood, tells me to come back in an hour, and that was that. I go back to the car, and Canito starts driving, towards Papi's house. He's calm by then. I mean, when I got to the car he was smiling, and clapping, because I finished so fast. So we're on our way to Papi's house, and we're not even half way there, and it's already 3, theres major traffic, and a lot of trucks on the highway. (I hate trucks. I'm terrified of them.) And we're both just like, "Oh hell no." I tell him, "This is why I told you to let's go tomorrow." He says, "Yeah, and when we come back, there's going to be even more traffic, because the kids are getting out of school. Want me to turn around?" "Yes." He says, "Ok. Lets just drive a little more to stop and get some Alcapurrias." (IDK if I spelled that right. But they are DELICIOUS!)
So we stop and get them, and we turn around. And we're half-way there and he starts making fun of the way I drive, lol. I drive with the seat close to the steering-wheel. Even if it's not close I still lean forward. I'm scared of driving. I love to drive, but I'm scared of it. And I have a short attention span, so I don't always see things that I should. But he was exaggerating. So I start laughing, and say, "I don't drive like that. Let me drive. And I'll let you go out tonight." I had told him earlier that he couldn't go anywhere because we needed to save gas, and he had already spent money earlier in Walgreens. So he lets me drive, and we get to our hometown pretty quickly. I turn in the direction of the Lab. We get there, and I pull over, go inside, and ask for my results. I get them, and thankfully the secretary put it in an envelope, because I was just toooo paranoid to read them. I go outside, and where I pulled over, you can't stay, so Canito drove a little untill I came out. I waited about 3 minutes, and when I see him I start laughing. IDK why. I think I was just nervous for the results.
I get inthe car and ask, "Are you ready for the results? I haven't read them yet. I'm too scared." He makes like a scared look, and I start laughing, and he says, "Open it."
"Pull over." I tell him. You know just in case it's positive, I don't want him driving into someone. (After I told him I was pregnant when I went to the hospital with SF, he stood so quiet. I had to call his name a couple of times so he could snap out of his shock lmao.)
So he looks for a place, and there's no parking, so he says, "Just open it."
I take a deep breath, and open it. I hadn't even taken it out of the envelope, and Canito says, "You did open it. The envelope wasn't closed."
"No. The secretary gave it to me like that."
So I take it out, and it says, "PREGNANCY TEST BY STAT-PAK METHOD........... NEGATIVE"
I kind of screamed, "IT'S NEGATIVE!!!"
"IT'S NEGATIVE, FOR REAL?" Canito asks.
I say, "YES! LOOK! WOOHOO!"
And he does the same, "woohoo!"
We were exstatic. We would love to have ONE more kid in the FUTURE. When Jay is AT LEAST 4. It's just too soon. I'd be taking care of 2 babies. Jay wouldn't even have been 2 yet. Neither one of us have a job either. So it's for the best. If it would have said positive, I would have kept it, obviously. I'm not going to have an abortion, just because we don't have a job. There are ways to raise kids without a job. If it weren't for my dad, we'd be totally screwed, but we would have been able to do it. We would have 9-10 months for Canito to get a job. There was time. I wasn't worried. It's just not the right time, right now.
So yeah. I'M NOT PREGNANT!!!! It's a HUGE relief. I don't want to take Jay's "babyness" from her, you know. I want her to have my undivided attention. And she is one jealous baby. When I was in the hospital with the SF, one time I talked to her on the phone, and I was just saying how I missed her, and loved her, and couldn't wait to see her. She stayed quiet throught all of that. But then I tell her, "Your going to be a big sister!" And she started screaming. She understands like you wouldn't believe, that little one. I just don't know why my menstrual still hasn't come down. It's weird. Maybe the change of weather, since it's been a little chilly these past few days. Or something else. IDK. I need to go back to the doc's if it doesn't come this month. But hey, a month without a cycle is fine with me! SO yeah. I'm happy she's MY ONLY child for now. She has an older brother, but since Canito can't see him (his son's mother doesn't know we live in PR cuz she's a bitch), Jay always has ALL of our attention. And I like that she's MY ONLY child for now. In the future, when she understands a lot more, and she doesn't get jealous, and when she starts pre-school, we'll talk about having another kid. Depending on how we are financially. But not now.
And this is getting really long so, till tmrw my readers, if I have more than I know about already, great!
Quote of the day:
"Being a mother is the greatest accomplishment I could have ever dreamed of achieving. It is the one the thing I do the very best at in this life!"
Sunday, March 7, 2010
The Abuser
She was only 10 the day her mother got beaten in front of her. They had just gotten back from the hospital because she was sick. Before that, they went to where her Dad was, to get her insurance card. And that's when things started getting bad. The Abuser (her mother's husband) called, and asked where they were, and since her mom answered, "Getting her insurance card from her Dad", The Abuser took it in a wrong way. He was always getting drunk, and yelling for no reason.
After they picked up the insurance card, her Mom took her to the hospital, because her fever was getting worse by the hour. They got there, and gave the Little Girl a bucket just in case she needed to throw up. The nurses at the hospital said it would be about 6 hours before she's seen, since they were so full. The Abuser showed up at the hospital, drunk as a skunk, angry, and ready to fight. Maybe that's the real reason they left. She will never know. The Abuser went home first, to await her Mom, and surprise her with a beating. After that, they ended up leaving, not even after an hour of waiting.
Hey, a drunken husband is more important than a sick little girl, right?
The Abuser was just drinking more, and more. To a point where he started getting violent. He was pissed off because the girl was sick, and they had to get her insurance card from her Dad. He never liked Little Girl's dad. He's just a jealous bastard. They got home, the girl sits on the couch next to her older brother, and the Mom goes into the kitchen. The Abuser was sitting on the couch, pissed off.
He gets up, and says, "Fucking bitch." He then walks to the kitchen, and the Mom turns around, and thats when he hit. They were up against the wall, the Mom pinned by the stove. And he was hitting her ribs constantly, with upper-cuts he learned in Karate. Surprisingly, he didn't hit her face. He was more in for the kill.
The little girl yells, "[THE ABUSEEERRRR!!!!!!!!]" at the top of her lungs. He doesn't listen. Who does when your fighting, (well more like beating your wife) and your mind totally blanks out?
She runs to her neighbors house, to call the cops, because they didn't have a phone. She didn't know what was happening because she left them alone. Maybe her brother got The Abuser off The Mom? She doesn't know, and never will.
While the Little Girl is calling the cops, she asks to keep the sirens off so they won't scare him away. They do as their told, and they send an ambulance, as well. The operator tells her not to hang up untill they get there. She does as she's told. Like always. Always a devoted, and loyal daughter. When the police get there, she hangs up, and goes back downstairs to where she lives, and the medic is checking The Mom's vitals, and to see if she has any broken ribs, or to see if she can breathe. They ask if she wants to go to the hospital but she refuses. They never found The Abuser. And The Mom decided not to press charges, either.
Later on, after the police leave, The Abuser comes back. The Mom tells him to go away, to sleep in the car. He doesn't listen. He's begging for her forgiveness, and she won't give in! He keeps saying, "I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!" And The Mom gives in, and let's him in.
Why do woman always give in with these simple words: "I'm sorry. I love you. It'll never happen again."?????
They start talking, and he fesses up that he was hiding between the mail boxes. She forgives him. Just like that.
Forget about the beating, forget about the words, forget about the broken hearts, or what the children saw. He said he's sorry. It's all ok now. NO!
About a month goes by, and he's drinking again. The Abuser and The Mom get into another heated match. While the children are in the room. The Little Girl couldn't take it anymore, so she yells, "CAN'T YOU GUYS JUST STOP. STOP FIGHTING ALREADY!" They keep it up. Yeah, just ignore the children who witness it all. The Little Girl gets fed up and motions to The Brother to leave the room. They were always together. Best friends. He was always quiet. Keeping to himself, because he's mentally challenged, but oh so smart. And creative, funny, and just fun to be around.
No beating this time. Later on that night, he's drunk again, and The Mom is sleeping. The children look at this as a perfect opportunity to confront him. They start talking, and Little Girl asks him to promise that he will never hit The Mom again. He says he promises.
The Little Girl gets a Bible, and says, "Put your hand on the Bible, and promise to never hit her again."
"No. I'm not going to promise that", he says.
He never promised. He never hit The Mom again, because he promised her. But The Mom gave him an ultimatum. He keeps drinking, he's out. He stops drinking. But the verbal, and emotional, and mental abuse keeps on. Maybe not untill months, or years later he lays a hand on -not the mom- but one of her children.
Quote of the day:
"She'll continue to smile, no matter how hurt she is."
After they picked up the insurance card, her Mom took her to the hospital, because her fever was getting worse by the hour. They got there, and gave the Little Girl a bucket just in case she needed to throw up. The nurses at the hospital said it would be about 6 hours before she's seen, since they were so full. The Abuser showed up at the hospital, drunk as a skunk, angry, and ready to fight. Maybe that's the real reason they left. She will never know. The Abuser went home first, to await her Mom, and surprise her with a beating. After that, they ended up leaving, not even after an hour of waiting.
Hey, a drunken husband is more important than a sick little girl, right?
The Abuser was just drinking more, and more. To a point where he started getting violent. He was pissed off because the girl was sick, and they had to get her insurance card from her Dad. He never liked Little Girl's dad. He's just a jealous bastard. They got home, the girl sits on the couch next to her older brother, and the Mom goes into the kitchen. The Abuser was sitting on the couch, pissed off.
He gets up, and says, "Fucking bitch." He then walks to the kitchen, and the Mom turns around, and thats when he hit. They were up against the wall, the Mom pinned by the stove. And he was hitting her ribs constantly, with upper-cuts he learned in Karate. Surprisingly, he didn't hit her face. He was more in for the kill.
The little girl yells, "[THE ABUSEEERRRR!!!!!!!!]" at the top of her lungs. He doesn't listen. Who does when your fighting, (well more like beating your wife) and your mind totally blanks out?
She runs to her neighbors house, to call the cops, because they didn't have a phone. She didn't know what was happening because she left them alone. Maybe her brother got The Abuser off The Mom? She doesn't know, and never will.
While the Little Girl is calling the cops, she asks to keep the sirens off so they won't scare him away. They do as their told, and they send an ambulance, as well. The operator tells her not to hang up untill they get there. She does as she's told. Like always. Always a devoted, and loyal daughter. When the police get there, she hangs up, and goes back downstairs to where she lives, and the medic is checking The Mom's vitals, and to see if she has any broken ribs, or to see if she can breathe. They ask if she wants to go to the hospital but she refuses. They never found The Abuser. And The Mom decided not to press charges, either.
Later on, after the police leave, The Abuser comes back. The Mom tells him to go away, to sleep in the car. He doesn't listen. He's begging for her forgiveness, and she won't give in! He keeps saying, "I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!" And The Mom gives in, and let's him in.
Why do woman always give in with these simple words: "I'm sorry. I love you. It'll never happen again."?????
They start talking, and he fesses up that he was hiding between the mail boxes. She forgives him. Just like that.
Forget about the beating, forget about the words, forget about the broken hearts, or what the children saw. He said he's sorry. It's all ok now. NO!
About a month goes by, and he's drinking again. The Abuser and The Mom get into another heated match. While the children are in the room. The Little Girl couldn't take it anymore, so she yells, "CAN'T YOU GUYS JUST STOP. STOP FIGHTING ALREADY!" They keep it up. Yeah, just ignore the children who witness it all. The Little Girl gets fed up and motions to The Brother to leave the room. They were always together. Best friends. He was always quiet. Keeping to himself, because he's mentally challenged, but oh so smart. And creative, funny, and just fun to be around.
No beating this time. Later on that night, he's drunk again, and The Mom is sleeping. The children look at this as a perfect opportunity to confront him. They start talking, and Little Girl asks him to promise that he will never hit The Mom again. He says he promises.
The Little Girl gets a Bible, and says, "Put your hand on the Bible, and promise to never hit her again."
"No. I'm not going to promise that", he says.
He never promised. He never hit The Mom again, because he promised her. But The Mom gave him an ultimatum. He keeps drinking, he's out. He stops drinking. But the verbal, and emotional, and mental abuse keeps on. Maybe not untill months, or years later he lays a hand on -not the mom- but one of her children.
Quote of the day:
"She'll continue to smile, no matter how hurt she is."
Saturday, March 6, 2010
"You Never Know What You Got, 'Till What You Got Is Gone"
Today, I went to the doctor's to see if I could get a prescription to get my blood drawn to do a pregnancy test. (Here you need a prescription everytime you need your blood drawn.) I waited about half an hour to see the doc. Only to be seen for like 2 minutes. I mean, I didn't mind, because hello? I need to find out wtf is going on with my menstrual. I'm worried. I took a pregnancy test 2 days ago, and they both came out negative. But I'm now 4 days late, if you count a 33-day cycle. I have the pains of menstrual cramps, but nothing. And I have a feeling I'm pregnant, although he never finished inside me, but I guess I'm really fertile, or he has some super sperm! (LMAO) The only times I have EVER missed a cycle, is when I got pregnant with Jay, and when I was pregnanct in October (accident... well sort of) but I miscarried. I don't believe in abortions, although it did cross my mind, but I wouldn't ever go through with it. I mean it's murder. Plain and simple. So I found out I was pregnant that time, because I was in the hospital with Swine Flu. Not very fun to have, might I add. I tell the doctor that my menstrual was over a month before that. I had taken a pregnancy test, but it didn't look too clear. It had the 2 lines, but one of them you could barely see. But while I was there, they told me because I was pregnant. (Blood tests don't lie people, lol.) I knew how far along I was, which was only about a month, because I know when it happened. I was ovulating, and Canito finished inside me (sorry I know, TMI). And to prove to everyone it really does only take ONE TIME! I had a feeling there too, because again, noo menstrual, but with cramps. The same thing happened while I was pregnant with Jay. She was a planned baby. After it happened, we were scared because neither of us had a job, and I was living with my mother, and my brother, and my mom's husband. (Every blog I write, if I talk about my mom, I will NEVER refer to her husband as someone related to me. NEVER.) It might seem harsh, but trust me, I have my reasons. But after that, he found a job, then I found one, but I left it because I was under too much stress and I would get really dizzy from the heat, and standing up. Like to the point where I almost passed out a couple of times. And then he got an even better job right around the corner from where we lived! (We decided...well not we but my mom and her husband decided we should stay with them! So we did, and it was HORRIBLE. But we left right before I gave birth due to tooooooo many problems with her husband.)
So anywho, my first pregnancy I had more symptoms. I was dizzy, nauseos, (that's how it's spelled I looked on Google! lol) I had cramps, but never morning sickness. I had a feeling but when I missed my menstrual, that's when I knew. I took like 7 pregnancy tests, including one from the gyno's, and ALL of them came out positive. So the second time I got pregnant, it was positive I was just confused. NOW, I really don't know, because they both came out negative, but I have no menstrual. I really don't know why. I might not have what you might call a regular period, but since I had my first menstrual April 7, 2001 (yes I actually remembered! lol) I have NEVER missed a period, besides when I got pregnant.
I got the prescription, but it has been so ugly here today, and when you go to the Lab here, you have to wait one hour for any kind of results. I was not gonna be waiting, with my child in the rain. I WILL go on Monday, I can promise you that, because I need to know. I'm hoping it's some kind of infection. It's just not the right time to have another baby right now. (But then again when IS it right time?) Jay isn't even 2. Canito doesn't have a steady job. Only because no one around here is hiring. He has an interview on Monday at 8:30, but it sucks because its part-time selling cell phones, and he gets paid by how many he sells. It's not the best job. It totally sucks! I also have an interview on Wednesday to work at a female clothing store thats just opening up. And man do I hope I get it. Oh I just remember I posted that already! Lol.. Bad memory. =D
So anyways, today David and I had a REALLY BAD arguement. We were gonna seperate. And then I ask, "How the hell did we get here? I'll take half of the blame, because I know I had a part in it. But you have to take your part in it also." And I got one of those moments where things in a relationship go down-hill so you want out, and all of a sudden your about to lose them, and your like, "NO!" Yea I had one of those, and I realized that I really don't want to lose him. I was being selfish, and inconsiderate of how he was feeling. As well as he with me. During the arguement, we kinda yelled what was bothering the other. I told him about how I hate that he's never here, and since the beginning all I've wanted was his time, attention, and love. And he told me that I nag about everything he wants to do. Which is true but only because he's never with us. And after that, I just left the room and I really, like desperately needed a hug. And I was too torn, and pissed off to ask him to give me one. (I thought it was over at that point.) So I looked at my baby and I picked her up, and I sat down.
She looks at me, and sees that I'm crying, and she was staring at me. Then she hugged me. I'd start crying again, and she'd look at me again. She touched my face, and I like squeezed her a little bit (not too much!) for her to give me a hug again, and she did. I'd start crying again, and she looked at me, and touched my nose, and gave me another hug. All this time she wasn't making any noises, or trying to get out of my grasp. She actually comforted me. At only one! I was just so astonished! It was the most cutest, the most beautiful moment a mother could have with their one-year old. She made me smile. She made me feel so much better just with that gesture.
I put her on the floor to walk, and she walked to the room to where her daddy was at. I grabbed her hand and led her to the living room. And she walked over there again, and this time he came out to the living room with her. And it's like he calmed down considerably because of her, too. And I saw them together, and how they love each other sooooo much. It's the cutest thing ever when they're together. And just the picture of them together brought tears to my eyes. And he saw that so he put her down, and gave me a hug, and said, "I love you with all my heart.". And OMG how I needed that! One of those hugs that just make everything feel better, and those words ((sigh)). I got a hug from my baby, and another from him. It helped me a lot. And I really started crying and I said, "I don't want to lose you." And he said, "You know that no matter what, I love you, and I will always love you. We could argue, and say things in the heat of the moment. But I will never leave you." (It was all in spanish, cuz he doesn't really speak english, lol. I mean we live in PR!) And we were fine after that. All day he's been doing or saying things to show me he cares. Like (I know this may sound stupid), but I sneezed, and he said, "Bless you." Trust me it's a shock, because he never says that! And he's been saying, "I love you", and "Thank you", a lot today, and I appreciate that. Sometimes we fight like this, and then it'll get better for a while, and then it gets back to this, and it gets better. Back and forth, back and forth, lol. But I'd rather fight with him, than be all alone. I really have been unappreciative, and just plain mean. You know I just realized right now, that I get like this when I'm PMSing, or like now, when my hormones are just raging! But I shouldn't get like that because he's been there for me through EVERYTHING!!! In the beginning of our relationship, well when I turned 18, actually. LITERALLY ON MY BIRTHDAY! I SWEAR! My mom and her husband had this plan to try and sabotage what we had going. It didn't work. And she hates it. But I don't care, because it's MY life. Not hers. But I realized only 2 weeks ago, thanks to Impacto Vital, that she wanted the best for me, but the way she went about it, was not the way to do it, because it's caused for us to not be on speaking terms. But he was there through it all. When I got pregnant, and told him, he could've just left me. But he didn't. He stuck it out with me. And instead of looking at all his faults, I need to look at all the good things he's done for me and our daughter. And him just being here means a lot. (He hasn't gone anywhere all day, and he's been playing with Jay, and talking to me) I have been in a serious relationship before, almost 2 years, but I have to say I NEVER felt what I feel now, with my ex. I was never IN love with him. What I feel for my baby daddy is love. And I need to learn to appreciate it, and embrace it. Love has it's up's and down's. It's difficult, and it can suck. It can hurt, and ruin the way you feel about love, forever. But when you do have it, cherish it. It's not something you want to lose. And I know that I don't want to lose him, or our little family, which may or may not be expanding. We love each other, and we're here for each other. All this fighting is worth it, if I can have what I've had in front of my face for 2 years, but I was just too blind to realize it. LOVE.
Quote of the day:
"Everything in life changes you in some way, even the smallest things. If you do not accept these changes, you do not accept yourself. For through these changes, brings new and greater things to you, making you wiser as time progresses. To avoid these changes is a loss. You only live your life once. Do not waste a minute of it avoiding things. Let them come to you, and learn from them. There is always tomorrow. "
So anywho, my first pregnancy I had more symptoms. I was dizzy, nauseos, (that's how it's spelled I looked on Google! lol) I had cramps, but never morning sickness. I had a feeling but when I missed my menstrual, that's when I knew. I took like 7 pregnancy tests, including one from the gyno's, and ALL of them came out positive. So the second time I got pregnant, it was positive I was just confused. NOW, I really don't know, because they both came out negative, but I have no menstrual. I really don't know why. I might not have what you might call a regular period, but since I had my first menstrual April 7, 2001 (yes I actually remembered! lol) I have NEVER missed a period, besides when I got pregnant.
I got the prescription, but it has been so ugly here today, and when you go to the Lab here, you have to wait one hour for any kind of results. I was not gonna be waiting, with my child in the rain. I WILL go on Monday, I can promise you that, because I need to know. I'm hoping it's some kind of infection. It's just not the right time to have another baby right now. (But then again when IS it right time?) Jay isn't even 2. Canito doesn't have a steady job. Only because no one around here is hiring. He has an interview on Monday at 8:30, but it sucks because its part-time selling cell phones, and he gets paid by how many he sells. It's not the best job. It totally sucks! I also have an interview on Wednesday to work at a female clothing store thats just opening up. And man do I hope I get it. Oh I just remember I posted that already! Lol.. Bad memory. =D
So anyways, today David and I had a REALLY BAD arguement. We were gonna seperate. And then I ask, "How the hell did we get here? I'll take half of the blame, because I know I had a part in it. But you have to take your part in it also." And I got one of those moments where things in a relationship go down-hill so you want out, and all of a sudden your about to lose them, and your like, "NO!" Yea I had one of those, and I realized that I really don't want to lose him. I was being selfish, and inconsiderate of how he was feeling. As well as he with me. During the arguement, we kinda yelled what was bothering the other. I told him about how I hate that he's never here, and since the beginning all I've wanted was his time, attention, and love. And he told me that I nag about everything he wants to do. Which is true but only because he's never with us. And after that, I just left the room and I really, like desperately needed a hug. And I was too torn, and pissed off to ask him to give me one. (I thought it was over at that point.) So I looked at my baby and I picked her up, and I sat down.
She looks at me, and sees that I'm crying, and she was staring at me. Then she hugged me. I'd start crying again, and she'd look at me again. She touched my face, and I like squeezed her a little bit (not too much!) for her to give me a hug again, and she did. I'd start crying again, and she looked at me, and touched my nose, and gave me another hug. All this time she wasn't making any noises, or trying to get out of my grasp. She actually comforted me. At only one! I was just so astonished! It was the most cutest, the most beautiful moment a mother could have with their one-year old. She made me smile. She made me feel so much better just with that gesture.
I put her on the floor to walk, and she walked to the room to where her daddy was at. I grabbed her hand and led her to the living room. And she walked over there again, and this time he came out to the living room with her. And it's like he calmed down considerably because of her, too. And I saw them together, and how they love each other sooooo much. It's the cutest thing ever when they're together. And just the picture of them together brought tears to my eyes. And he saw that so he put her down, and gave me a hug, and said, "I love you with all my heart.". And OMG how I needed that! One of those hugs that just make everything feel better, and those words ((sigh)). I got a hug from my baby, and another from him. It helped me a lot. And I really started crying and I said, "I don't want to lose you." And he said, "You know that no matter what, I love you, and I will always love you. We could argue, and say things in the heat of the moment. But I will never leave you." (It was all in spanish, cuz he doesn't really speak english, lol. I mean we live in PR!) And we were fine after that. All day he's been doing or saying things to show me he cares. Like (I know this may sound stupid), but I sneezed, and he said, "Bless you." Trust me it's a shock, because he never says that! And he's been saying, "I love you", and "Thank you", a lot today, and I appreciate that. Sometimes we fight like this, and then it'll get better for a while, and then it gets back to this, and it gets better. Back and forth, back and forth, lol. But I'd rather fight with him, than be all alone. I really have been unappreciative, and just plain mean. You know I just realized right now, that I get like this when I'm PMSing, or like now, when my hormones are just raging! But I shouldn't get like that because he's been there for me through EVERYTHING!!! In the beginning of our relationship, well when I turned 18, actually. LITERALLY ON MY BIRTHDAY! I SWEAR! My mom and her husband had this plan to try and sabotage what we had going. It didn't work. And she hates it. But I don't care, because it's MY life. Not hers. But I realized only 2 weeks ago, thanks to Impacto Vital, that she wanted the best for me, but the way she went about it, was not the way to do it, because it's caused for us to not be on speaking terms. But he was there through it all. When I got pregnant, and told him, he could've just left me. But he didn't. He stuck it out with me. And instead of looking at all his faults, I need to look at all the good things he's done for me and our daughter. And him just being here means a lot. (He hasn't gone anywhere all day, and he's been playing with Jay, and talking to me) I have been in a serious relationship before, almost 2 years, but I have to say I NEVER felt what I feel now, with my ex. I was never IN love with him. What I feel for my baby daddy is love. And I need to learn to appreciate it, and embrace it. Love has it's up's and down's. It's difficult, and it can suck. It can hurt, and ruin the way you feel about love, forever. But when you do have it, cherish it. It's not something you want to lose. And I know that I don't want to lose him, or our little family, which may or may not be expanding. We love each other, and we're here for each other. All this fighting is worth it, if I can have what I've had in front of my face for 2 years, but I was just too blind to realize it. LOVE.
Quote of the day:
"Everything in life changes you in some way, even the smallest things. If you do not accept these changes, you do not accept yourself. For through these changes, brings new and greater things to you, making you wiser as time progresses. To avoid these changes is a loss. You only live your life once. Do not waste a minute of it avoiding things. Let them come to you, and learn from them. There is always tomorrow. "
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