Well, not necessarily pretty. I haven't felt pretty since before I got pregnant. Well, besides if I actually PUT EFFORT into my appearance, and even then, sometimes I feel fat. Its true what they say. About if you have a girl, they take all your beauty from you. My daughter is gorgeous though. =) Anywho, since "I feel better, oh so better" isn't a song, I couldn't quote it. ;)
But, I do feel better. A LOT better. Yesterday, my Dad and I got into a semi-argument. It was about the jobs, of course. And I told him that we were looking, but NO ONE is calling us back. At night, he called me again, and asked about the email he sent me. Not too long ago, he sent me an email with the number to where Rosa works at, because they're hiring. With my forgetful brain, and I, I totally forgot to give the number to David. BRB poopy diaper. =/.................................................................................................................
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Ok I'm back. My nose hardly ever fails me =). So yeah, we got into a mini-argument about that. Well, he was mad, and I just stood shut. If I open my mouth, I would have told him off, and I didn't want to do that. So, we hung up, I got the number, and when I went to the 2nd bedroom to give it to David, my Dad calls. David's phone. They talk, and David tells him whats been bothering me. Because my dad asked. He told David, "Do you know whats wrong with her? She doesn't talk to me, and shes not listening to me." And David told him what I've been feeling. My depression, his criticism, and how now everything is changing.
When my Dad called me this morning, at 9:30 am on the dot, (I was already awake btw. I know! What a miracle!!) he says, "Stephanie, I'm sorry. I don't want you to be mad at me." And I say its ok, its just everything has changed. And we talked for a little bit. For longer than 5 minutes!!! We talked for like 20 minutes. And it wasn't about jobs! I felt a lot better after the talk, because we actually TALKED and I didn't hang up and start bawling my eyes out!!!
He called me again at 6:20 pm, when he was getting out of work. And we talked for a good hour! He actually said that he's sorry.
me: for what?
him: because i wish i could do more. i wish i was getting more money.
me: papi, your doing enough as it is! theres A LOT of fathers out there that WOULD NOT be doing what your doing. your helping out enough as it is. instead of criticizing yourself, you should be proud of yourself. A LOT of parents wouldn't help their kid the way your helping us. just look at mom.
him: aww. thanks stephanie. i'm happy you feel that way.
me: well yea, your helping us so much, and we really appreciate it. this is why i've been depressed lately. because i don't have a job, and i can't get things, and it REALLY bothers me that i can't get jaslin a lot of things i would like to get her.
him: what about the necessities? remember i told you that if you needed anything, let me know.
me: well, david and i need deodorant, jaslin needs shampoo and soap, and we need a broom, cuz the one that was here when we moved in is all messed up, and we need a new mop, because david broke it today.
him: ok, just use the Visa.
me: thank you papi.
And we talked about college, and jobs, and how soon I'll be getting my diploma. But, like I replied to the comment from my last post, since I came here from NY, and all of my papers were left over there, INCLUDING my vaccination records. Without that, I can't get a diploma. SO, I have to get ALL OF MY SHOTS ALL OVER AGAIN. But, its ok. Its a pretty small sacrifice for getting my diploma. I get excited just thinking about it! I'm finally going to have my diploma, and I can feel proud of myself for accomplishing something so important. And he also said that I have great potential. A lot of people say that after meeting me. And I want to go to school, and get a job. I'm anxious just thinking about it! Getting my diploma would be my 2nd biggest accomplishment. The 1st, is OBVIOUSLY giving birth to a 7lb 10 oz baby VAGINALLY. That is the greatest accomplishment EVER. And VERY BIG KUDOS to the mothers out there who give birth to even BIGGER babies. Do you know what that does to your vagina?
And to the mothers who have had a C-section, kudos to you too. And the women who can't have babies, I am truly very sorry. I am thankful for having my daughter, because there are so many women in the world who have so much love to give, and would be the BEST MOTHERS IN THE WORLD, and can't have children. I am very, very sorry.
On a happier note, tomorrow is my birthday. The more I think of it, the more excited I actually get. But I am a little sad to leave my TEENS behind. But hey, everyone has to grow up, right? Its also my anniversary. Wow. TWO WHOLE YEARS! I can't believe it.
You see, for some people that might seem like a short time. My grandfather has been with my step-grandmother for TWENTY-SEVEN YEARS. But 2 years is a start, right? I wish I was going to get a ring on my finger like some women would have had a while ago, but I don't think we're ready yet. We need to get past the trust/communication issues first. And David's not in his "prime" to get married yet, either. How do I even know if he's "The One"? How does anyone ever know?
Well anyways, I am feeling much better. Not as good as I hope to feel soon, but getting there little by little. As soon as one of us gets a job, and I lose 20 lbs, I'll feel GREAT. I just need to stop being so lazy to lose the weight =/.
Questions: How do you lose/maintain your weight? Can I loose some bra sizes? A 36D isn't cutting it for me anymore. I HATE having such big boobage. And, how do you know if the guy your with is "The One"? Does it feel a certain way? Do you just KNOW? Or do you take that chance that he could Mr. TOTALLY FUCKING ASSHOLE-ISH WRONG?
Happy Mother's Day to the mothers who read my blog, or to those who are expecting, and to those who can't have babies, your time will come when God is ready for you to be a mother. My aunt had 2 miscarriages before she finally had my little cousin. She thought being a mother just wasn't for her, and she is a GREAT mother.
5 comments:
Ok.. so.. for you 1st question about someone being 'the one'. You really just know. You know that you can't live without that person, you can see being together when you're old, you know that you'd take care of that person when they are old, and you'd know they'd take care of you. You know in your heart that without a doubt they are the 1 you want to spend the rest of your life with, with good times AND bad. You know you can trust that person 100%. With your life AND your heart. If you think even a little bit, that there is still someone out there for you, or if you can't trust them, then the 1 you're with isn't the 1... at least for now.
Ok.. for the 2nd question. Yes, when you lose weight, you can also lose it in your boobs. Boobs are made up of almost 100% fat. Now.. if you were thin but had a big chest, then it would be much harder to lose. Most ways would be to get a reduction. However, if when you were thinner, they weren't this big then yes.. the more weight you lose, they will shrink. Also, you'd have to excercise those muscles (the pectoral muscles) to burn off some of the 'fat' of your boobs.
Hope that helps some :)
That is a lot to think about (the first part). But thank you. =)
And my boobs have always been pretty big. Well, not too big, like a C cup when I was skinnier. They started growing when I was 8! They got enormous when I got pregnant, and never went back down to size. I hate exercising, but if I gotta do it, I'll do it. I'll dance around like a crazy person in my living room, lol. And if that doesn't work, I'm gonna start looking for prices on breast reductions, they are driving me CRAZY! Lol. But thank u! It did help a lot =)
Haven't heard from you in a few days, was just checking in to see how you're doing. :) Happy Belated birthday and Mother's Day!!
I know, I'm sorry! My birthday, and Mother's Day was HECTIC! And David has been here lately, so haven't had a chance. I'll post ASAIC. And thank you!
Np, just glad everything is o.k. :)
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